Queen Donald

Scotland is the Canada of England. - Rainn Wilson

England is a nation of shopkeepers. - Napoleon Bonaparte

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

Tea to the English is really a picnic indoors. - Alice Walker

The English never draw a line without blurring it. - Winston Churchill

Britain's goal is not to survive, but to prevail. - Winston Churchill

I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British. - Unknown

The best thing I know between France and England is the sea. - Douglas Jerrold

The English have three vegetables and two of them are cabbage. - Walter Page

What Great Britain calls the Far East is to us the near north. - Robert Gordon Menzies

Rain is the one thing the British do better than anybody else. - Marilyn French

I would rather be a beggar and single than a queen and married. - Queen Elizabeth I

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English. - Wilfred Sheed

Elvis may have been the king of rock 'n roll, but I am the queen. - Little Richard

The English are not an inventive people; they don't eat enough pie. - Thomas Edison

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott

There are ways of singing in English that are not just the same as in French. - Coeur de Pirate

The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson

The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker

Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness

"The Hunchback Of Notre Dame" had the big fat English actor, Charles Lawson. - Archie Bunker

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

Why do I have to follow CNN on Twitter? If I want to follow CNN, I can follow them on CNN. - Jon Stewart

I know why the sun never sets on the British Empire: God wouldn't trust an Englishman in the dark. - Duncan Spaeth

The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable. - Oscar Wilde

"Burn everything British," he once advised his Irish countrymen, "except their coal." - Jonathan Swift

To many, no doubt, he will seem blatent and bumptious, but we prefer to regard him as being simply British. - Oscar Wilde

Larry Gogan: 'With what town in Britain is Shakespeare associated?'
Contestant: 'Hamlet'. - Larry Gogan

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

The seeds of learning can grow almost anywhere. Trump University and my other education-related ventures like... - Donald Trump

If you find yourself saying, "But I can't speak English...", try adding the word "... yet". - Jane Revell

No bum that can't speak poifect English oughta stay in this country - oughta be de-exported the hell outta here! - Archie Bunker

The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase, "And now a word from our sponsor." - Hal Eaton

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

Englishmen learn Christ's law best in English. Moses heard God's law in his own tongue; so did Christ's apostles. - John Wycliffe

It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity. - Lord Mancroft

It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes. - Sir Thomas Beecham

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher