Make My Daisy

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Shopping is my cardio. - Carrie Bradshaw

Gun Control: Using both hands - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The gun is not out of Irish politics. - Ian Paisley

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

Gladly accept the gifts of the present hour. - Horace

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. - Garth Brooks

Your children need your presence more than your presents. - Jesse Jackson

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun. - Unknown

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. - Marcelene Cox

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

Deer hunting would be fine sport, if only the deer had guns. - W S Gilbert

Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue. - Virginia Woolf

Guns don't kill people. Dads with pretty daughters kill people. - Unknown

Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. - Thomas Jefferson

A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. - Mario Puzo

Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Kyle Chandler

Those gifts are ever the most acceptable which the giver has made precious. - Ovid

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

If you have a gun you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank you can rob everyone. - Unknown

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I'm a Catholic deer hunter. I am happy to be clinging to my guns and my religion. - Paul Ryan

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. - Homer Simpson

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

Like trying a man's finger for having pulled the trigger of a gun which murdered someone. - Malcolm Muggeridge

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

Ideas are far more powerful than guns. We don't allow our enemies to have guns, why should we allow them to have ideas. - Joseph Stalin

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher

I'd love to see Christ come back to crush the spirit of hate and make men put down their guns. I'd also like just one more hit single. - Tiny Tim