‘Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse;
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I’d remember the marvellous meals I’d prepared -
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I’d never said, “No thank you, please.”
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt;
I said to myself, as I only can,
“You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!”
So - away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip;
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
’Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie - not even a lick,
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick;
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie -
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore,
But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot...
Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet!
Life is too short to be on a diet. - Taylor J Reid
I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way
My diet is like Atkins, but with the carbs. - BJ Penn
Food is an important part of a balanced diet. - Fran Lebowitz
I'm not gaining weight. I'm living large. - Unknown
Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it. - Unknown
Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet. - Unknown
I've probably tried every fad diet in the world. - Jenna Ushkowitz
A balanced diet is a Cracker Jack cookie in each hand. - Joe-kster
I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight. - The Devil Wears Prada
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. - Erma Bombeck
I don't trust any diet that doesn't allow sugar. - Bethenny Frankel
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper
I don't diet, I just don't eat as much as I'd like to. - Linda Evangelista
Every man regards his own life as the New Year’s Eve of time. - Jean Paul Richter
Once you lose the weight, you're really anxious to eat healthy. - Etta James
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions! - Joey Adams
My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger
I'm an emotional eater. When I get upset, my diet goes out the window. - Kelly Osbourne
The majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn't finish. - Carrie Underwood
I am on a ketos diet so I avoid sugar, dairy products, wheat, grain or pulses. - Puneet Issar
The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis
On behalf of every man looking out for every girl, you are the God and weight of her world. - John Mayer
Juicing isn't about binging and cleansing; I try to incorporate it into a balanced diet. - Eddie Huang
I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks. - Joe E Lewis
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West
I'm on a strict liquid diet: Mimosas for breakfast, Margaritas for lunch, Martinis for dinner. - Unknown
I grew up on a steady diet of science fiction, especially apocalyptic and postapocalyptic fiction. - Justin Cronin
Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. - Benjamin Franklin
What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. - Alexander Pope
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown
Dieting is not a sprint, it's a marathon. If you celebrate the small victories, you will eventually win the war. - Ian K Smith
If you maintain a healthy diet, or at least are smart about your food choices, you'll still see the pounds come off. - Misty May-Treanor
I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. - Jean Kerr
Confidence is beautiful, no matter your size, no matter your weight. Be confident in who you are and you'll be beautiful. - Unknown
New Pasta Diet: Just walk pasta bakery without stopping. Walk pasta candy store without stopping. Walk pasta ice cream shop without stopping. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
New Year's Day ... now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. - Mark Twain
see also Diet & New Years Sections
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08-Mar-2021 |