Ukrainian Sausage

Are you qualified to buy Ukrainian sausage?


A man goes into a store and tells the clerk, “I’d like some Ukrainian sausage.” The clerk looks at him and says, “Are you Ukrainian?”

The guy, clearly offended, says, “Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would you?
The clerk says, “Well, no.”

“And if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?”
The clerk says, “Well, I probably wouldn’t.”

With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, “Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I’m Ukrainian just because I ask for Ukrainian sausage?”
The clerk replies, “Because you’re at Home Depot.”


QuotaBills
Monogamy: A synonym for monotony. - Gregory Nunn

Speech is silver; silence is golden. - Thomas Carlyle

Poetry is what gets lost in translation. - Robert Frost

I believe in God, only I spell it Nature. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Good sayings are like pearls strung together. - Chinese Proverb

Speech is the vestibule to the palace of love. - Jami of Persia

A story is told as much by silence as by speech. - Susan Griffin

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech. - Martin Fraquhar Tupper

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech. - Clifton Fadiman

All poetry is a reproduction of the tones of actual speech. - Robert Frost

A sage thing is timely silence, and better than any speech. - Plutarch

Leadership is the capacity to translate vision into reality. - Warren G Bennis

Quota: Someone who likes to report other people's speech - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I failed kindergarten because I couldn't spell my last name. - Zach Galifianakis

To a child's ear, 'mother' is magic in any language. - Arlene Benedict

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way. - Mark Twain

Music is the literature of the heart; it commences where speech ends. - Alphonse de Lamartine

The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said. - Peter F Drucker

A bore is one who has the power of speech but not the capacity for conversation. - Benjamin Desraeli

I never made a mistake in grammar but once in my life, and as soon as I done it. I seen it. - Carl Sandburg

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. - George Bernard Shaw

I want flowers, I don't want to text. What does that make me? What kind of dinosaur am I? - Jennifer Garner

Give me a few lines of a man's handwriting; that will be sufficient for me to get him hanged. - Cardinal Richelieu

You're an old-timer if you can remember when setting the world on fire was a figure of speech. - Franklin P Jones

Human language appears to be a unique phenomenon, without significant analogue in the animal world. - Noam Chomsky

Music is the language of the spirit. It opens the secret of life bringing peace, abolishing strife. - Kahlil Gibran

I, schooled in misery, know many purifying rites, and I know where speech is proper and where silence. - Aeschylus

There is no lonelier person than the one who lives with a spouse with whom he or she cannot communicate. - Margaret Mead

If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson

The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase, "And now a word from our sponsor." - Hal Eaton

He respects Owl, because you can't help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn't spell it right. - A. A. Milne

Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet; and two others at first speech are old friends. - Mary Catherwood

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting. - Dave Barry

The five essential entrepreneurial skills for success: Concentration, Discrimination, Organization, Innovation and Communication. - Harold S Geneen

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

Music is a language that doesn't speak in particular words. It speaks in emotions, and if it's in the bones, it's in the bones. - Keith Richards

I remain convinced that obstinate addiction to ordinary language in our private thoughts is one of the main obstacles to progress in philosophy. - Bertrand Russell

This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us. - Unknown


see also   Language  Section
Slovak Muffler Accessory
Ukrainian Air Conditioning
Ukrainian Cattle Car
Ukrainian Horse Transportation

 

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29-Jun-2022