A man walking along the beach one day finds a bottle. He rubs it and out pops a genie.
“I will grant you three wishes,” said the genie. “But there’s a
catch.”
“What catch?”
The genie replied, “Every time you make a wish, every lawyer in the world will receive double the wish you were granted.”
“Well, I can live with that - no problem!” replied the elated man.
“What’s your first wish?” asked the genie.
“Well, I’ve always wanted a Ferrari!”
POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man.
“Now every lawyer in the world has TWO Ferraris,” said the genie.
“Next wish?”
“I’d love a million dollars,” replied the man.
POOF! One million dollars appeared at his feet.
“Now every lawyer in the world has TWO million dollars,” said the genie.
“Well, that’s okay, as long as I’ve got my million,” replied the man.
“What is your third and final wish?”
The man thought long and hard, and finally said, “Well, you know, I’ve always
wanted to donate a kidney!”
Lawyers are natural politicians. - Clarence Darrow
Generosity is the flower of justice. - Nathaniel Hawthorne
We judge of man's wisdom by his hope. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A flagrant violation of international law. - Unknown
I'm trusting in the Lord and a good lawyer. - Oliver North
The genie can't be pushed back into the bottle. - David N Leff
In the Halls of Justice, the only justice is in the halls. - Lenny Bruce
What a cage is to the wild beast, law is to the selfish man. - Herbert Spencer
It is a secret worth knowing, that lawyers rarely go to law. - Moses Crowell
Corn can't expect justice from a court composed of chickens. - African Proverb
Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. - Boethius
The United States is the greatest law factory the world has ever known. - Charles E Hughes
Be kind to your mother-in-law but pay for her board at some good hotel. - Josh Billings
Law school is the opposite of sex. Even when it's good it's lousy. - Unknown
It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. - Sally Field
The only stable state is the one in which all men are equal before the law. - Aristotle
You cannot live without lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them. - Joseph H Choate
Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. - Bertrand Russell
The successful revolutionary is a statesman, the unsuccessful one a criminal. - Erich Fromm
I know that this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never studied law. - Bugs Bunny
The duty of a judge is to administer justice, but his practice is to delay it. - Jean de la Bruyere
A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray
Time is money, especially when you're talking to a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe-kster
Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead
Nobody has a more sacred obligation to obey the law than those who make the law. - Sophocles
People who use lawyers are not people you would really want to hang around with. - Deborah Ross
I was never ruined but twice: once when I lost a lawsuit and once when I won one. - Voltaire
It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright
My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez
Lawyers are like foxes, small and innocuous, but all the time stealthily sniffing the air. - Michael O'Sullivan
If a man dies and leaves his estate in an uncertain condition, the lawyers become his heirs. - Edgar Watson Howe
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe. - Dalai Lama
A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. - Agatha Christie
At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst. - Aristotle
Lawyers are the only civil delinquents whose judges must of necessity be chosen from themselves. - Charles C Colton
God is not a genie in a bottle, and your wish is not His command. His command better be your wish. - Mark Batterson
We lawyers learn to study the faces of our witnesses, to form quick judgments, and to act upon them. - Lyman Abbott
Beware of lawyers and consultants and people who do not take risks and who do not get their hands dirty. - Felix G Rohatyn
In a litigation-happy society, clear agreements often prevent small disagreements form becoming big ones. - Harvey Mackay
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
There are not enough jails, not enough policemen, not enough courts to enforce a law not supported by the people. - Hubert H Humphrey
That old law about "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing. - Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.
If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it. - Scott Adams
Honest and peace-loving people shun the Courts and are prepared to suffer loss rather than fall into a Lawyer's clutches. - Peter De Noronha
Men became scientific because they expected law in nature and they expected law in nature because they believed in a lawgiver. - Ravi Zacharias
Too many young folk have an addiction to superficial things and not enough conviction for substantial things like justice, truth and love. - Cornel West
What we lawyers want to do is to substitute courts for carnage, dockets for rockets, briefs for bombs, warrants for warheads, mandates for missiles. - George Rhyne
Lawyers are like unrequited lovers: you give them an inch, and they go for the whole nine yards; you take off one shoe, and they pull down your pants. - Andres Rueda
Generosity is the flower of justice. - Nathaniel Hawthorne
We judge of man's wisdom by his hope. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A flagrant violation of international law. - Unknown
I'm trusting in the Lord and a good lawyer. - Oliver North
The genie can't be pushed back into the bottle. - David N Leff
In the Halls of Justice, the only justice is in the halls. - Lenny Bruce
What a cage is to the wild beast, law is to the selfish man. - Herbert Spencer
It is a secret worth knowing, that lawyers rarely go to law. - Moses Crowell
Corn can't expect justice from a court composed of chickens. - African Proverb
Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. - Boethius
The United States is the greatest law factory the world has ever known. - Charles E Hughes
Be kind to your mother-in-law but pay for her board at some good hotel. - Josh Billings
Law school is the opposite of sex. Even when it's good it's lousy. - Unknown
It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. - Sally Field
The only stable state is the one in which all men are equal before the law. - Aristotle
You cannot live without lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them. - Joseph H Choate
Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. - Bertrand Russell
The successful revolutionary is a statesman, the unsuccessful one a criminal. - Erich Fromm
I know that this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never studied law. - Bugs Bunny
The duty of a judge is to administer justice, but his practice is to delay it. - Jean de la Bruyere
A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray
Time is money, especially when you're talking to a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe-kster
Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead
Nobody has a more sacred obligation to obey the law than those who make the law. - Sophocles
People who use lawyers are not people you would really want to hang around with. - Deborah Ross
I was never ruined but twice: once when I lost a lawsuit and once when I won one. - Voltaire
It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright
My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez
Lawyers are like foxes, small and innocuous, but all the time stealthily sniffing the air. - Michael O'Sullivan
If a man dies and leaves his estate in an uncertain condition, the lawyers become his heirs. - Edgar Watson Howe
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe. - Dalai Lama
A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. - Agatha Christie
At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst. - Aristotle
Lawyers are the only civil delinquents whose judges must of necessity be chosen from themselves. - Charles C Colton
God is not a genie in a bottle, and your wish is not His command. His command better be your wish. - Mark Batterson
We lawyers learn to study the faces of our witnesses, to form quick judgments, and to act upon them. - Lyman Abbott
Beware of lawyers and consultants and people who do not take risks and who do not get their hands dirty. - Felix G Rohatyn
In a litigation-happy society, clear agreements often prevent small disagreements form becoming big ones. - Harvey Mackay
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
There are not enough jails, not enough policemen, not enough courts to enforce a law not supported by the people. - Hubert H Humphrey
That old law about "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing. - Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.
If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it. - Scott Adams
Honest and peace-loving people shun the Courts and are prepared to suffer loss rather than fall into a Lawyer's clutches. - Peter De Noronha
Men became scientific because they expected law in nature and they expected law in nature because they believed in a lawgiver. - Ravi Zacharias
Too many young folk have an addiction to superficial things and not enough conviction for substantial things like justice, truth and love. - Cornel West
What we lawyers want to do is to substitute courts for carnage, dockets for rockets, briefs for bombs, warrants for warheads, mandates for missiles. - George Rhyne
Lawyers are like unrequited lovers: you give them an inch, and they go for the whole nine yards; you take off one shoe, and they pull down your pants. - Andres Rueda
see also Genie & Lawyer Sections
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22-Oct-2021 |