1. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
2. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
3. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
4. Get a new car for your spouse. It’ll be a great trade!
5. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
6. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
7. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand...
8. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
9. How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
10. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
11. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
12. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
13. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
14. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
15. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
16. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
17. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
18. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
19. I couldn’t repair your brake, so I made your horn louder.
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
22. Just remember - if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until
you hear them speak.
24. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
25. A day without sunshine is like night.
26. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
27. Getting lost in thought may put you in unfamiliar territory.
28. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
29. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
30. You’re diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
31. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
32. Remember that half the people you know are below average.
33. Despite the high cost of living, it’s still extremely popular.
34. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
35. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
36. Drive way too fast and you don’t have to worry about cholesterol.
37. If you intend to live forever, so far, so good.
38. Borrow money only from pessimists; they don’t expect it back.
39. Support bacteria; they’re the only culture some people have.
40. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy the evidence.
41. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
42. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
43. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
44. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
45. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
46. Success always occurs in private; failure, in full view.
47. The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
48. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach
49. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
50. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
51. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
52. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard (and not enough
53. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
54. If you think nobody cares try missing a couple of payments.
55. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Wear your heart on your skin in this life. - Sylvia Plath
I'm what you call a Depression sailor. - Ernest Borgnine
Life is a game. Money is how we keep score. - Ted Turner
Compromises are for relationships, not wine. - Robert S Caywood
Don't go through life, grow through life. - Eric Butterworth
Wine is the flower in the buttonhole of life. - Werumeus Buning
The great end of life is not knowledge but action. - Thomas Henry Huxley
Life has no limitations, except the ones you make. - Les Brown
Unexpected intrusions of beauty. That is what life is. - Saul Bellow
In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. - Fran Lebowitz
I realized my mission in life was to learn more, not earn more. - Surya Das
A good coach can change a game. A great coach can change a life. - John Wooden
Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot. - Charlie Chaplin
Everything I did in my life that was worthwhile, I caught hell for. - Earl Warren
It isn't life that weighs us down - it's the way we carry it. - Elizabeth Potier
Life was not meant to be easy, but take courage: it can be delightful. - George Bernard Shaw
Some quick advice for success in life: Don't be afraid, be amazing. - Cuthbert Soup
Tattoos - it's like wearing an Ed Hardy shirt for the rest of your life. - Russell Peters
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin. - Grace Hansen
They say love's like the measles - all the worse when it comes late in life. - Douglas William Jerrold
In the dark days of your life, you will need the wings of hope to continue flying. - Mehmet M Ildan
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. - Mark Twain
Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of. - Benjamin Franklin
The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit. - Nelson Henderson
Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King
I can't stop moving. I'm like this weird insect. I can't sit still in real life. - Robin Wright
Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique, and not too much imagination. - Christopher Isherwood
If you have zest and enthusiasm, you attract zest and enthusiasm. Life does give back in kind. - Norman Vincent Peale
It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours. - Harry S Truman
I attract to my life whatever I give my attention, energy and focus to, whether positive or negative. - Michael Losier
You don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed. - Eminem
Life must be lived and curiosity kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life. - Eleanor Roosevelt
I will never forget my actions. They will haunt me for the rest of my life. None of it will happen again. - Garth Drabinsky
Man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather he must recognize that it is he who is asked. - Viktor Frankl
Next to knowing when to seize an opportunity, the most important thing in life is to know when to forego an advantage. - Benjamin Disraeli
The real winners in life are the people who look at every situation with an expectation that they can make it work or make it better. - Barbra Pletcher
At some point in life the world's beauty becomes enough. You don't need to photograph, paint or even remember it. It is enough. - Toni Morrison
Each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible. - Viktor Frankl
We are given one life, and the decision is ours whether to wait for circumstances to make up our mind, or whether to act, and in acting, to live. - Omar Nelson Bradley
Lincolnshire is the Idaho of England. You were either going to drive a tractor for the rest of your life or head for the city to work in a factory. - Bernie Taupin
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