1. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
2. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
3. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
4. Get a new car for your spouse. It’ll be a great trade!
5. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
6. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
7. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand...
8. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
9. How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
10. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
11. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
12. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
13. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
14. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
15. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
16. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
17. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
18. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
19. I couldn’t repair your brake, so I made your horn louder.
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
22. Just remember - if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until
you hear them speak.
24. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
25. A day without sunshine is like night.
26. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
27. Getting lost in thought may put you in unfamiliar territory.
28. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
29. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
30. You’re diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
31. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
32. Remember that half the people you know are below average.
33. Despite the high cost of living, it’s still extremely popular.
34. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
35. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
36. Drive way too fast and you don’t have to worry about cholesterol.
37. If you intend to live forever, so far, so good.
38. Borrow money only from pessimists; they don’t expect it back.
39. Support bacteria; they’re the only culture some people have.
40. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy the evidence.
41. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
42. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
43. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
44. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
45. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
46. Success always occurs in private; failure, in full view.
47. The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
48. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach
49. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
50. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
51. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
52. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard (and not enough
53. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
54. If you think nobody cares try missing a couple of payments.
55. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
My life needs editing. - Mort Sahi
Life is a bowl of pits. - Rodney Dangerfield
Life itself is the proper binge. - Julia Child
Friends are the sunshine of life. - John Hay
Life is too short to be on a diet. - Taylor J Reid
The painting has a life of its own. - Jackson Pollock
Growth is the only evidence of life. - John Henry Newman
Tea is a religion of the art of life. - Okakura Kakuzo
To lengthen thy life, lessen thy meals. - Benjamin Franklin
You live your life as if it's real. - Leonard Cohen
Without duty, life is soft and boneless. - Joseph Joubert
Life begins on the other side of despair. - Jean-Paul Sartre
Speed is life. Altitude is life insurance. - Unknown
Why torture yourself when life will do it for you? - Laura Walker
Youth is not a time of life - it is a state of mind. - Samuel Ullman
The hardest years in life are those between 10 and 70. - Helen Hayes
Relationships are like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park. - Unknown
Steve Jobs changed my life. He also changed the life of every designer. - Yves Behar
What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I had realized it sooner. - Colette
I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost. - Milton Berle
Life's pretty good, and why wouldn't it be? I'm a pirate, after all. - Johnny Depp
You never know when a moment and a few sincere words can have an impact on life. - Zig Ziglar
All animals, except man, know that the principal business of life is to enjoy it. - Samuel Butler
Life is good for only two things: discovering mathematics and teaching mathematics. - Simeon Poisson
The best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing. - Theodore Roosevelt
Half of the failures in life come from pulling one’s horse when he is leaping.
- Thomas Hood
God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well. - Voltaire
Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time. - Rick Warren
SABLE - A common knitting acronym that stands for Stash Acquisition Beyond Life Expectancy. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee
If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor. - Jennifer Jones
I've written 17 novels, and I've found out that fiction can't keep up with real life. - John Grisham
Dreams or illusions, call them what you will, they lift us from the commonplace of life to better things. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
When I was young, I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old, I know it is. - Oscar Wilde
Life is not about all the wrong moves you made. Life is about the one right move that made all the difference. - James Lockhart
My life was going to flash before my eyes, but it decided to hide behind my eyes and quake with terror instead. - Sarah Rees Brennan
Stop waiting for the right person to come into your life. Be the right person to come into someone else's life. - Unknown
The truth is, I do indulge myself a little the more in pleasure, knowing that this is the proper age of my life to do it. - Samuel Pepys
Having faith, beliefs, and convictions is a great thing, but your life is measured by the actions you take based upon them. - Nick Vujicic
To do the useful thing, to say the courageous thing, to contemplate the beautiful thing: that is enough for one man's life. - T S Eliot
There are two things to aim at in life; first to get what you want, and after that to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind has achieved the second. - Logan P Smith
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