Lutheran Airlines - New Service
in Minnesnowta

Consider Lutheran Air - the no-frills airline



Dis is da latest air service to sprout up in Minnesnowta.
Also serving Visconsin, Nort Dekota, and Moontana. Try it - you vill like it.

“If you are traveling soon, consider Lutheran Air, the no-frills airline. You’re all in da same boat on Lutheran Air, vere flying is an uplifting experience.

There is no first class on any Lutheran Air flight.

Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert.

Basses and tenors please sit in the rear of the aircraft.

Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.

All fares are by freewill offering and the plane will not land until the budget is met.

Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acquaint you with the safety system aboard this Lutheran Air 599.

Okay then, listen up: I’m only gonna say this once. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson because ve fly right around 2000 feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably indicate the Second Coming or something of that nature, and I vouldn’t bother with those little masks on the rubber tubes. You’re gonna have bigger things to worry about than that. Just stuff those back up in their little holes. Probably the masks fell out because of turbulence vhich, to be honest with you, ve’re going to have quite a bit of at 2000 feet, sort of like driving across a plowed field, but after a vile you get used to it.

In the event of a water landing, I’d say forget it. Start saying the Lord’s Prayer and just hope you get to the part about “forgive us our sins as ve forgive those who sin against us, vich some people say trespass against us,” vich isn’t right, but vat can you do?

The use of cell phones on the plane is strictly forbidden, not because they may interfere vith the plane’s navigational system, vich is seat of the pants all the way. No, it’s because cell phones are a pain in the wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He vould have put your mouth on the side of your head.

Ve’re going to start lunch right about noon and it’s buffet style vith the coffee pot up front.

Then ve’ll have the hymn sing; hymnals in the seat pocket in front of you. Don’t take yours vith you ven you go or am going to be real upset and I am not kidding!

Right now I’ll say Grace. “Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let these gifts to us be blest. Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, may ve land in Duluth or pretty close. Amen.”



Original post on “A Prairie Home Companion”, December 6, 2003
by Garrison Keillor

QuotaBills
I got bigger fish to fly - Archie Bunker

There is no flying without wings. - French Proverb

Conference: Hot air on a high level. - Gerald Barzan

On wings of wind came flying all abroad. - Alexander Pope

It's opener there in the wide open air. - Dr. Seuss

Give your stress wings and let it fly away. - Gerri Guillemets

Do what is right, even if you're flying solo. - Unknown

Roasted pigeons will not fly into one's mouth. - Dutch Proverb

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly. - Unknown

Your wings already exist. All you have to do is fly. - Unknown

Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly? - Frida Kahlo

As the velocity of air increases, its pressure decreases. - Daniel Bernoulli

Live in the sunshine
Swim in the sea
Drink the wild air - Ralph Waldo Emerson

We all thought we'd have flying cars by now, but we don't. - Dana Brunetti

I have wings on the back of my shoulders and I'm ready to fly. - Pamela Laskin

If the lambs were flying, wolves would have also the wings to fly. - Mehmet M Ildan

For those determined to fly, having no wings is just a little detail. - Unknown

Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth. - Henry David Thoreau

If women can be railroad workers in Russia, why can't they fly in space? - Valentina Tereshkova

The nation that secures control of the air will ultimately control the world. - Alexander Graham Bell

I love Halloween: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner. - Evan Peters

Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo. - Al Gore

If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. - Jonathan Winters

In the dark days of your life, you will need the wings of hope to continue flying. - Mehmet M Ildan

There are two kind of air travel in the United States, first class and third world. - Bobby Slayton

Time passes too fast. Like a hummingbird flying by, it's just a blur to my eyes. - Amanda Leigh

He who waits for a roast duck to fly into his mouth must wait a very, very long time. - Chinese Proverb

Birds find shelter during the rain, but eagles avoid rain by flying above the clouds. - Abdul Kalam

Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly; devils fall because of their gravity. - G K Chesterton

Lawyers are like foxes, small and innocuous, but all the time stealthily sniffing the air. - Michael O'Sullivan

I don't like all this fresh air: I'm from Los Angeles; I don't trust any air I can't see. - Bob Hope

When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it. - Henry Ford

A fly, Sir, may sting a stately horse and make him wince; but, one is but an insect, and the other is a horse still. - Samuel Johnson

There is music in the air, music all around us; the world is full of it, and you simply take as much as you require. - Edward Elgar

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
So just what are time flies, and why do they fly like an arrow? - Groucho Marx

Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know so it goes flying anyway. - Mary Kay Ash

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff. - Rodney Dangerfield

If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of twenty-two, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. - Tom Stoppard

If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? - George Carlin

A nation that destroys its soils destroys itself. Forests are the lungs of our land, purifying the air and giving fresh strength to our people. - Franklin D Roosevelt


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27-Sep-2020