Lutheran Airlines - New Service
in Minnesnowta

Consider Lutheran Air - the no-frills airline



Dis is da latest air service to sprout up in Minnesnowta.
Also serving Visconsin, Nort Dekota, and Moontana. Try it - you vill like it.

“If you are traveling soon, consider Lutheran Air, the no-frills airline. You’re all in da same boat on Lutheran Air, vere flying is an uplifting experience.

There is no first class on any Lutheran Air flight.

Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert.

Basses and tenors please sit in the rear of the aircraft.

Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.

All fares are by freewill offering and the plane will not land until the budget is met.

Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acquaint you with the safety system aboard this Lutheran Air 599.

Okay then, listen up: I’m only gonna say this once. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson because ve fly right around 2000 feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably indicate the Second Coming or something of that nature, and I vouldn’t bother with those little masks on the rubber tubes. You’re gonna have bigger things to worry about than that. Just stuff those back up in their little holes. Probably the masks fell out because of turbulence vhich, to be honest with you, ve’re going to have quite a bit of at 2000 feet, sort of like driving across a plowed field, but after a vile you get used to it.

In the event of a water landing, I’d say forget it. Start saying the Lord’s Prayer and just hope you get to the part about “forgive us our sins as ve forgive those who sin against us, vich some people say trespass against us,” vich isn’t right, but vat can you do?

The use of cell phones on the plane is strictly forbidden, not because they may interfere vith the plane’s navigational system, vich is seat of the pants all the way. No, it’s because cell phones are a pain in the wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He vould have put your mouth on the side of your head.

Ve’re going to start lunch right about noon and it’s buffet style vith the coffee pot up front.

Then ve’ll have the hymn sing; hymnals in the seat pocket in front of you. Don’t take yours vith you ven you go or am going to be real upset and I am not kidding!

Right now I’ll say Grace. “Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let these gifts to us be blest. Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, may ve land in Duluth or pretty close. Amen.”



Original post on “A Prairie Home Companion”, December 6, 2003
by Garrison Keillor

QuotaBills
The voice is nothing but beaten air. - Seneca

Flying Buttress: A charging billy goat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

On wings of wind came flying all abroad. - Alexander Pope

Give your stress wings and let it fly away. - Gerri Guillemets

Never eat spinach just before going on the air. - Dan Rather

Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible. - Lord Kelvin

Do what is right, even if you're flying solo. - Unknown

Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly? - Frida Kahlo

As the velocity of air increases, its pressure decreases. - Daniel Bernoulli

He imagines a necessary joy in things that must fly to eat. - Wendell Berry

Only the two of us together flying high upon the wings of love. - Jeffrey Osborne

I have wings on the back of my shoulders and I'm ready to fly. - Pamela Laskin

For those determined to fly, having no wings is just a little detail. - Unknown

Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man. Landing is the first. - Unknown

The nation that secures control of the air will ultimately control the world. - Alexander Graham Bell

I love Halloween: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner. - Evan Peters

Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. - Chinese Proverb

With birds flying around, man's desire for having wings rises to infinite. - Mehmet M Ildan

Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo. - Al Gore

If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. - Jonathan Winters

A man who has both feet planted firmly in the air can be safely called a liberal. - American Proverb

It's OK to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation. - Rob Gilbert

Now that I've found the way to fly, which direction should I go into the night? - Ally Condie

There are two kind of air travel in the United States, first class and third world. - Bobby Slayton

The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth. - Chinese Proverb

Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly; devils fall because of their gravity. - G K Chesterton

Lawyers are like foxes, small and innocuous, but all the time stealthily sniffing the air. - Michael O'Sullivan

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

Learn to close your eyes and trust. Learn to open your heart and love. Learn to take the risk and fly. - Maxime Lagace

There is music in the air, music all around us; the world is full of it, and you simply take as much as you require. - Edward Elgar

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded, "Take me to the Canaries." - Bob Monkhouse

The only people flying to Europe will be terrorists, so it will be, "Will you be sitting in armed or unarmed?" - Robin Williams

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all. - Robert Orben

He who would learn to fly on day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

It's better to swim in the sea below
Than to swing in the air and feed the crow,
Says jolly Ned Teach of Bristol. - Benjamin Franklin

You can not prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building a nest in your hair. - Chinese Proverb

Living as we do in an age of noise and bluster, success is now measured accordingly. We must all be seen, and heard, and on the air. - Daphne du Maurier

I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery - air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, 'This is what it is to be happy.' - Sylvia Plath

Music is amoral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything. - Plato

If you decide to stop flying, it is wise to hang on to your wings, for you may need them one day, when one of your other qualities turns dangerous. - Am Leach


see also   Air  &  Religious  Sections
Amish Airlines – Maiden Voyage
Punjabi Airways

 

Bag Hang-Up

Dog Spa

Pacman Skeleton

Young Rock Star

Shoplifter Warning

Eavestrough Cat

Bobbie Tickle

Exhausting or Amewzing?

World's First Hard Hat

Cup on the Edge

British Gas Meter

Hot Summer Days

Senior Protesters

Microsoft Software Upgrade

Mow Your Lawn
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

13-Jul-2020