Lutheran Airlines - New Service
in Minnesnowta

Consider Lutheran Air - the no-frills airline



Dis is da latest air service to sprout up in Minnesnowta.
Also serving Visconsin, Nort Dekota, and Moontana. Try it - you vill like it.

“If you are traveling soon, consider Lutheran Air, the no-frills airline. You’re all in da same boat on Lutheran Air, vere flying is an uplifting experience.

There is no first class on any Lutheran Air flight.

Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert.

Basses and tenors please sit in the rear of the aircraft.

Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.

All fares are by freewill offering and the plane will not land until the budget is met.

Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acquaint you with the safety system aboard this Lutheran Air 599.

Okay then, listen up: I’m only gonna say this once. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson because ve fly right around 2000 feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably indicate the Second Coming or something of that nature, and I vouldn’t bother with those little masks on the rubber tubes. You’re gonna have bigger things to worry about than that. Just stuff those back up in their little holes. Probably the masks fell out because of turbulence vhich, to be honest with you, ve’re going to have quite a bit of at 2000 feet, sort of like driving across a plowed field, but after a vile you get used to it.

In the event of a water landing, I’d say forget it. Start saying the Lord’s Prayer and just hope you get to the part about “forgive us our sins as ve forgive those who sin against us, vich some people say trespass against us,” vich isn’t right, but vat can you do?

The use of cell phones on the plane is strictly forbidden, not because they may interfere vith the plane’s navigational system, vich is seat of the pants all the way. No, it’s because cell phones are a pain in the wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He vould have put your mouth on the side of your head.

Ve’re going to start lunch right about noon and it’s buffet style vith the coffee pot up front.

Then ve’ll have the hymn sing; hymnals in the seat pocket in front of you. Don’t take yours vith you ven you go or am going to be real upset and I am not kidding!

Right now I’ll say Grace. “Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let these gifts to us be blest. Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, may ve land in Duluth or pretty close. Amen.”



Original post on “A Prairie Home Companion”, December 6, 2003
by Garrison Keillor

QuotaBills
I got bigger fish to fly - Archie Bunker

Breathing dreams like air. - F Scott Fitzgerald

Music is the poetry of the air. - Jean Paul Richter

Flying Buttress: A charging billy goat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

It's opener there in the wide open air. - Dr. Seuss

Why, when I am talking, does time seem to fly? - Bob Grant

Mothers are angels that lift us when we cannot fly. - Unknown

Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. - G K Chesterton

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing. - Will Rogers

The bird who dares to fall is the bird who learns to fly. - Unknown

I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of not flying. - Unknown

The sky is the limit only for those who aren't afraid to fly. - Bob Bello

Live in the sunshine
Swim in the sea
Drink the wild air - Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is perfect weather for today's game. Not a breath of air. - Curt Gowdy

We all thought we'd have flying cars by now, but we don't. - Dana Brunetti

I have wings on the back of my shoulders and I'm ready to fly. - Pamela Laskin

If God had intended us to fly, He would never have given us railways. - Michael Flanders

Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man. Landing is the first. - Unknown

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus. - Robin Williams

Something in the air this morning made me feel like flying... Spring Flight - Eileen Granfors

With birds flying around, man's desire for having wings rises to infinite. - Mehmet M Ildan

I know of only one bird (the parrot) that talks; and it can't fly very high. - Wilbur Wright

In the dark days of your life, you will need the wings of hope to continue flying. - Mehmet M Ildan

Time passes too fast. Like a hummingbird flying by, it's just a blur to my eyes. - Amanda Leigh

Lawyers are like foxes, small and innocuous, but all the time stealthily sniffing the air. - Michael O'Sullivan

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly. I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky. - Unknown

Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything. - Plato

Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do about it. - Golda Meir

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. - Mark Russell

There is music in the air, music all around us; the world is full of it, and you simply take as much as you require. - Edward Elgar

Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know so it goes flying anyway. - Mary Kay Ash

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all. - Robert Orben

Bruce Lee's fast pace, Jet Li's pretty style and Jet Li's acrobatics combine with Muay Thai for my own style. - Tony Jaa

The understanding must not therefore be supplied with wings, but rather hung with weights, to keep it fro leaping and flying. - Francis Bacon

It's better to swim in the sea below
Than to swing in the air and feed the crow,
Says jolly Ned Teach of Bristol. - Benjamin Franklin

You can not prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building a nest in your hair. - Chinese Proverb

It's like running a marathon race. We train all hours of the day. When you are taking a bath, you are thinking of the flight. - Kalpana Chawla

If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of twenty-two, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. - Tom Stoppard

I can almost feel the wind beneath my wings; I can almost taste the thrill of flying away from this small town and never looking back. - Tessa Hall

From lessening negativity to boosting creativity, hiking in fresh air actually boosts brain power and can help certain parts of the brain grow. - Meredith Carey


see also   Air  &  Religious  Sections
Amish Airlines – Maiden Voyage
Punjabi Airways

 

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20-Apr-2021