Lutheran Airlines - New Service
in Minnesnowta

Consider Lutheran Air - the no-frills airline



Dis is da latest air service to sprout up in Minnesnowta.
Also serving Visconsin, Nort Dekota, and Moontana. Try it - you vill like it.

“If you are traveling soon, consider Lutheran Air, the no-frills airline. You’re all in da same boat on Lutheran Air, vere flying is an uplifting experience.

There is no first class on any Lutheran Air flight.

Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert.

Basses and tenors please sit in the rear of the aircraft.

Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.

All fares are by freewill offering and the plane will not land until the budget is met.

Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acquaint you with the safety system aboard this Lutheran Air 599.

Okay then, listen up: I’m only gonna say this once. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson because ve fly right around 2000 feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably indicate the Second Coming or something of that nature, and I vouldn’t bother with those little masks on the rubber tubes. You’re gonna have bigger things to worry about than that. Just stuff those back up in their little holes. Probably the masks fell out because of turbulence vhich, to be honest with you, ve’re going to have quite a bit of at 2000 feet, sort of like driving across a plowed field, but after a vile you get used to it.

In the event of a water landing, I’d say forget it. Start saying the Lord’s Prayer and just hope you get to the part about “forgive us our sins as ve forgive those who sin against us, vich some people say trespass against us,” vich isn’t right, but vat can you do?

The use of cell phones on the plane is strictly forbidden, not because they may interfere vith the plane’s navigational system, vich is seat of the pants all the way. No, it’s because cell phones are a pain in the wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He vould have put your mouth on the side of your head.

Ve’re going to start lunch right about noon and it’s buffet style vith the coffee pot up front.

Then ve’ll have the hymn sing; hymnals in the seat pocket in front of you. Don’t take yours vith you ven you go or am going to be real upset and I am not kidding!

Right now I’ll say Grace. “Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let these gifts to us be blest. Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, may ve land in Duluth or pretty close. Amen.”



Original post on “A Prairie Home Companion”, December 6, 2003
by Garrison Keillor

QuotaBills
Flew: Plane sickness. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I got bigger fish to fly - Archie Bunker

Breathing dreams like air. - F Scott Fitzgerald

Flying Buttress: A charging billy goat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The lure of flying is the lure of beauty. - Amelia Earhart

Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible. - Lord Kelvin

Birds born in a cage think flying is an illness. - Alejandro Jodorowsky

Do what is right, even if you're flying solo. - Unknown

Your wings already exist. All you have to do is fly. - Unknown

Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what is dangerous. - Unknown

I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of not flying. - Unknown

Don't be scared to fly along. Find a path that is your own. - Unknown

Only the two of us together flying high upon the wings of love. - Jeffrey Osborne

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris

For those determined to fly, having no wings is just a little detail. - Unknown

Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man. Landing is the first. - Unknown

And 'tis my faith, that every flower
Enjoys the air it breathes. - William Wordsworth

Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth. - Henry David Thoreau

If women can be railroad workers in Russia, why can't they fly in space? - Valentina Tereshkova

Pigs had just officially sprouted wings and were flying alongside airplanes. - Jennifer L Armentrout

Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. - Chinese Proverb

I know of only one bird (the parrot) that talks; and it can't fly very high. - Wilbur Wright

In the dark days of your life, you will need the wings of hope to continue flying. - Mehmet M Ildan

Time passes too fast. Like a hummingbird flying by, it's just a blur to my eyes. - Amanda Leigh

He who waits for a roast duck to fly into his mouth must wait a very, very long time. - Chinese Proverb

We breathe air, trees make air, homework kills trees, therefore homework is going to kill us all. - Unknown

Stop the words now. Open the window in the center of your chest and let the spirits fly in and out. - Rumi

I don't like all this fresh air: I'm from Los Angeles; I don't trust any air I can't see. - Bob Hope

There is music in the air, music all around us; the world is full of it, and you simply take as much as you require. - Edward Elgar

Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff. - Rodney Dangerfield

He who would learn to fly on day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them. - Henry David Thoreau

You can not prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building a nest in your hair. - Chinese Proverb

Be not penny-wise. Riches have wings. Sometimes they fly away of themselves, and sometimes they must be set flying to bring in more. - Francis Bacon

I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today." - Steven Wright

The air up there in the clouds is very pure and fine, bracing and delicious. And why shouldn't it be? It is the same the angels breathe. - Mark Twain

Like a prisoner awaiting his release, like a schoolboy when the end of term is near, like a migrant bird ready to fly south... I long to be gone. - Malcolm Muggeridge

If you decide to stop flying, it is wise to hang on to your wings, for you may need them one day, when one of your other qualities turns dangerous. - Am Leach

Be like the bird that, passing on her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing that she hath wings. - Victor Hugo


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27-Jul-2021