Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie,
Lurks in yer bellie efter a feastie,
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There starts to stir an enormous wind.
The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Start working like a gentle breeze
But soon the pudding wi’ the sauncie face
Will hae ye blawin’ a’ ower the place
Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
a’body’s gonnae hae tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
it’s like a bullet oot a rifle
Hawd yer bum ticht tae the chair
Tae try tae stop the leakin’ air
Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae god it disnae reek
But a’ the efforts go asunder
Oot it comes like a clap o’ thunder
Ricochets arrond the room
Michty me! a sonic boom
God almighty it fairly reeks
A’ hope a’ huvnae shit ma breeks
Tae the bog a’ better scurry
Whit the hell, it’s no ma worry
A’body roon aboot me choakin’
One or two are nearly boakin’
I’ll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile
It wis him! I shout and glower
Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger! They shout and stare
I’m no that welcome any mair
Where e’re ye go let yer wind gang free
That sounds jist the joab fir me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie’s party
Ower the sake o’ one wee farty.
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb
If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee
My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair
Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha
In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb
If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee
My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair
Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha
In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart
see also Bad Gas Section
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Car-nage
Car Surgeon
Colon Celery
Colonoscopy Comments
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
Doctor’s Flat Examination
Dog Proctologist
Exhausting Gyne Work
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam (PG)
German Flatulence Control
Japanese Diving Platform
Menopause Sucks
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
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10-Jul-2020 |