Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie,
Lurks in yer bellie efter a feastie,
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There starts to stir an enormous wind.
The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Start working like a gentle breeze
But soon the pudding wi’ the sauncie face
Will hae ye blawin’ a’ ower the place
Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
a’body’s gonnae hae tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
it’s like a bullet oot a rifle
Hawd yer bum ticht tae the chair
Tae try tae stop the leakin’ air
Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae god it disnae reek
But a’ the efforts go asunder
Oot it comes like a clap o’ thunder
Ricochets arrond the room
Michty me! a sonic boom
God almighty it fairly reeks
A’ hope a’ huvnae shit ma breeks
Tae the bog a’ better scurry
Whit the hell, it’s no ma worry
A’body roon aboot me choakin’
One or two are nearly boakin’
I’ll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile
It wis him! I shout and glower
Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger! They shout and stare
I’m no that welcome any mair
Where e’re ye go let yer wind gang free
That sounds jist the joab fir me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie’s party
Ower the sake o’ one wee farty.
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton
People who shop in health food stores never look healthy. - Amy Sedaris
He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer
If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin
Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome
Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled. - Red Skelton
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard
Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee
Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. - Alexander Pope
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury
A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair
Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton
People who shop in health food stores never look healthy. - Amy Sedaris
He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer
If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin
Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome
Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled. - Red Skelton
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard
Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee
Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. - Alexander Pope
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury
A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair
Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
see also Bad Gas Section
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Car-nage
Car Surgeon
Colon Celery
Colonoscopy Comments
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
Doctor’s Flat Examination
Dog Proctologist
Exhausting Gyne Work
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam (PG)
German Flatulence Control
Japanese Diving Platform
Menopause Sucks
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
 2022 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars |  Great White |  Turnip Party |  Newfie Cab Driver - Can You Guess His Number? |  Identity Theft |
 Nothing Can Stop Me Now |  Colsed School |  Google Snowball |  Bike Barrow |  Can You Find the Hidden Bird? |
 Snowpy |  Canadian Winter Smile |  Leteracy Night |  Age Comes With Convenience |  Wife Of The Year |
 GhetToes |  Flippin' |  Double Vision |  Dodgy Ticker |  Put On A Happy Face |
18-Jan-2022 |