Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie,
Lurks in yer bellie efter a feastie,
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There starts to stir an enormous wind.
The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Start working like a gentle breeze
But soon the pudding wi’ the sauncie face
Will hae ye blawin’ a’ ower the place
Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
a’body’s gonnae hae tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
it’s like a bullet oot a rifle
Hawd yer bum ticht tae the chair
Tae try tae stop the leakin’ air
Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae god it disnae reek
But a’ the efforts go asunder
Oot it comes like a clap o’ thunder
Ricochets arrond the room
Michty me! a sonic boom
God almighty it fairly reeks
A’ hope a’ huvnae shit ma breeks
Tae the bog a’ better scurry
Whit the hell, it’s no ma worry
A’body roon aboot me choakin’
One or two are nearly boakin’
I’ll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile
It wis him! I shout and glower
Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger! They shout and stare
I’m no that welcome any mair
Where e’re ye go let yer wind gang free
That sounds jist the joab fir me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie’s party
Ower the sake o’ one wee farty.
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken
Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton
People who shop in health food stores never look healthy. - Amy Sedaris
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler
Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb
Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled. - Red Skelton
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright
A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart
Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton
People who shop in health food stores never look healthy. - Amy Sedaris
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler
Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb
Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled. - Red Skelton
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright
A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart
see also Bad Gas Section
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Car-nage
Car Surgeon
Colon Celery
Colonoscopy Comments
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
Doctor’s Flat Examination
Dog Proctologist
Exhausting Gyne Work
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam (PG)
German Flatulence Control
Japanese Diving Platform
Menopause Sucks
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
 Senior Eye Exam |  Chubby Free |  Pirrows |  Young Rock Star |  Restored Beauty |
 Powerplant Swimsuit Models |  Watermelon Cake |  Sharkini |  Julyed |  Filet Minion |
 Better Singer |  Texas Basketball |  Grow Food, Not Lawns |  Nut Salesman |  Long Yellow Things |
 Ants Know When Something Is Fake |  Think Outside |  Despicable Wood Stove |  Engineering Flowchart |  Egotist |
02-Jul-2022 |