Almost Everything’s Bigger in Texas

Home on the Range for an Aussie


A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation and meets an Aussie farmer.

The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh? We have wheat fields that are at least twice at large!”

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, “We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.”

The conversation almost dies when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field.

He asks, “And what are those?”

The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”


QuotaBills
I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese. - Charles de Gaulle

There is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose. - Oscar Wilde

Texas is a hotbed of insanely good bands and musicians. - Henry Rollins

The large print giveth and the small print taketh away. - Unknown

He's got that big house to maintain in San Clemency. - Archie Bunker

If your dreams don't scare you, they are not big enough. - Ellen Johnson Sirleaf

There should be no bank too big to fail but no individual too big to jail. - Hillary Clinton

News events are like Texas weather. If you don't like it, wait a minute. - Jessica Savitch

Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can. - Danny Kaye

You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me. - C S Lewis

The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design? - Kinky Friedman

Roses are red, Pizza sauce is too, I ordered a large, and None of it is for you. - Unknown

"The Hunchback Of Notre Dame" had the big fat English actor, Charles Lawson. - Archie Bunker

Nothing honors God more than a Big Dream that is way beyond our ability to accomplish. - Mark Batterson

In order to be big, you have to think big. If you think small, you're going to be small. - Emeril Lagasse

Don't tell God that you have a big problem, tell your problem that you have a big God :) - Unknown

Some see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as too big. - George Carlin

The definition of insanity in Texas is so insane that it's impossible to be insane in Texas. - Malcolm McDowell

If God had intended for breasts to be seen, He wouldn't have created large woolen pullovers. - Tracey Ullman

There is not one big cosmic meaning for all. There is only the meaning we each give to our life. - Anais Nin

I'm from Texas, and one of the reasons I like Texas is because there's no one in control. - Willie Nelson

For me, part of one my big movements is building authentic street environments for skateboarding. - Rob Dyrdek

Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas. - Ian Fleming

It isn't the big pleasures that count the most; it's making a great deal out of the little ones. - Jean Webster

When governments become large, voters cannot exercise close oversight, otherwise known as political power. - Maggie Gallagher

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. - Arnold Toynbee

I'm a big fan of the Irish accent. After a couple of drinks, I start to get a bit of an Irish lilt, too. - Emily Ratajkowski

If you don't make mistakes, you're not working on hard enough problems. And that's a big mistake. - Unknown

Teamwork makes the dream work, but a vision becomes a nightmare when the leader has a big dream and a bad team. - John C Maxwell

Even if you don't have time for a big workout, stretching in the morning and night really changes your body. - Erin Heatherton

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

Happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands, but let it go, and you learn at once how big and precious it is. - Maxim Gorky

Dream big - dream very big. Word hard - work very hard. And after you've done all you can, you stand, wait, and fully surrender. - Oprah Winfrey

Deals are my art form. Other people paint beautifully on canvas or write wonderful poetry. I like making deals, preferably big deals. - Donald Trump

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

You're supposed to eat the cows. They're great big lumbering, stupid things - they'd be everywhere if we didn't eat them. - Dylan Moran

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. - Unknown

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain


see also   Farm  Section
Everything Is Bigger In Texas
My Daughter & My Money
Survivor - Texas Style (2013)
Texas Bank Security
Texas Office Chair
Texas Wink
Why We Live in Texas

 

In Step Horse

Finger Olympics

Cow Licks

Dog Distress

Mate Attraction

Dark Room

Lineup For Dinner

Redneck Furnace

Traffic Sign Art

A Dog's Worst Nightmare

Garage Door Art

Kellogg's Fire

Teenage Independence

Parasite Trivia

Bobslide Event

Scooter Races

Bull Squirrel

Wife Consumption

Chinese Shoelusion

Craneception
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27-Jul-2021