Scottish Ticket Avoider

Suitcase hurling in Scotland


A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, was riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor managed to corner him and told him to pay up: “You’ve been on for five miles - that’ll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase.”

The Scotsman responded, “I ha’not! I want a, ha’penny fare, I just got on this vera moment.”

They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London Bridge, he grabs the Scotsman’s suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus.

It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, “Not only are ya trin’ to overcharge me for the ticket - but now you’ve gone a’drowned ma wee boy, Jimmy!”


QuotaBills
Hire character. Train skill. - Peter Schutz

Parody: A collection of pears - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Champions train. Losers complain. - Unknown

It is idle to dread what you cannot avoid. - Publilius Syrus

Those who trade liberty for security have neither. - John Adams

Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train. - Charles Barkley

You often meet your fate on the road you take to avoid it. - French Proverb

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. - Dale Carnegie

There is no security in this life. There is only opportunity. - Douglas MacAurthur

Every success is usually an admission ticket to a new set of decisions. - Henry Kissinger

If you train hard, you'll not only be hard, you'll be hard to beat. - Herschel Walker

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the front of an oncoming train. - David Lee Roth

Fitness needs to be perceived as fun and games or we subconsciously avoid it. - Alan Thicke

I am on a ketos diet so I avoid sugar, dairy products, wheat, grain or pulses. - Puneet Issar

Security is mostly a superstition. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. - Helen Keller

You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality. - Ayn Rand

There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. - Aristotle

Isn't life a collection of weird quizzes with no answers to half the questions? - Pawan Mishra

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. - Soren Kierkegaard

I mistrust all systematizers and avoid them. The will to a system is a lack of integrity. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

There ain't no man can avoid being born average. But there ain't no man got to be common. - Satchel Paige

Oats: A grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Never let life's hardships disturb you... no one can avoid problems, not even saints or sages. - Nichiren Daishonen

I do not think there is any silver bullet to solving the technology side of the security equation. - John W. Thompson

All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought. - Robert Breault

By eating many fruits and vegetables in place of fast food and junk food, people could avoid obesity. - David H Murdock

Unlucky: Crossing the street to avoid walking under a ladder and getting hit by a truck full of horseshoes - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death. - James F. Bymes

I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes

The only security men can have for their political liberty, consists in keeping their money in their own pockets. - Lysander Spooner

One of the endearing things about mathematicians is the extent to which they will go to avoid doing any real work. - Matthew Pordage

If you can't even acknowledge that you have to fix social security, that's not a very good starting point. - Rob Portman

My best security is within the munitions of an immutable Jehovah, where His unalterable promises stand like giant walls of rock. - Charles H Spurgeon

It's like running a marathon race. We train all hours of the day. When you are taking a bath, you are thinking of the flight. - Kalpana Chawla

The very things we wish to avoid, neglect and flee from turn out to be the 'prima materia' from which all real growth comes. - Andrew Harvey

Science is built up with facts, as a house is with stones. But a collection of facts is no more a science than a heap of stones is a house. - Jules H Poincare

The trials in our lives are valuable lessons and those lessons can be used to avoid similar situations in the future or even help someone else. - Neviesh Perry

Do not train boys to learning by force and harshness, but lead them by what amuses them, so that they may better discover the bent of their minds. - Plato

Success in creating AI would be the biggest event in human history. Unfortunately, it might also be the last, unless we learn how to avoid the risks. - Stephen Hawking


see also   Nationality  &  Train  Sections
Suitcase Inspection
Welcome To Scotland

 

Second Hand Work

Ostrich Fill Up

Calory Bomb

Interuption Charge

Reach For Your Dreams

Perception

Jeopardy Measuring Cup

All We Have To Do Is Stand Up

Vacuum Extender

BrownEes

Chinese Puzzle Car

Always Give 100% At Work

Ancient Politician

My Toaster Is Broken

Shining Stars

Tunnel Face

The Bugs Are Bad This Year

Dog Spa

Ostrich Imprint

Local Crabs
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

29-Jun-2022