Scottish Ticket Avoider

Suitcase hurling in Scotland


A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, was riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor managed to corner him and told him to pay up: “You’ve been on for five miles - that’ll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase.”

The Scotsman responded, “I ha’not! I want a, ha’penny fare, I just got on this vera moment.”

They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London Bridge, he grabs the Scotsman’s suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus.

It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, “Not only are ya trin’ to overcharge me for the ticket - but now you’ve gone a’drowned ma wee boy, Jimmy!”


QuotaBills
Winners train, losers complain. - Unknown

Avoid fruit and nuts. You are what you eat. - Jim Davis

He who asks questions cannot avoid the answers. - Cameroon Proverb

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors. - Unknown

You often meet your fate on the road you take to avoid it. - French Proverb

The way to avoid roadblocks to learning is to ask questions. - Joseph J. Thomas

The history of Scotland is one of theology tempered by homicide. - Ivor Brown

A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it. - Jean de La Fontaine

A man must learn to endure patiently what he cannot avoid conveniently. - Michel de Montaigne

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteeen. - WC Fields

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles

The avoidance of taxes is the only pursuit that still carries any reward. - John Maynard Keynes

The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them. - Bill Vaughan

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the front of an oncoming train. - David Lee Roth

People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own soul. - Carl Jung

The only way of catching a train I ever discovered is to miss the train before. - G K Chesterton

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill

As far as single payer, it works in Canada. It works incredibly well in Scotland. - Donald Trump

There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. - Aristotle

A collection of rare thoughts is nothing less than a cabinet of intellectual gems. - William B. Sprague

If they want peace, nations should avoid the pin-pricks that precede cannon-shots. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Isn't life a collection of weird quizzes with no answers to half the questions? - Pawan Mishra

I wear a fun sock when I travel to give the security staff a well-deserved chuckle. - Chelsea Peretti

The more you learn about the dignity of the gorilla, the more you want to avoid people. - Dian Fossey

Man should not try to avoid stress any more than he would shun food, love, or exercise. - Hans Selye

I mistrust all systematizers and avoid them. The will to a system is a lack of integrity. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

A man's own good breeding is the best security against other people's ill manners. - Lord Chesterfield

A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works. - Bill Vaughan

If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

Some people use one half their ingenuity to get into debt, and the other half to avoid paying it. - George D Prentice

The problem in this world is to avoid concentration of power - we must have a dispersion of power. - Milton Friedman

All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought. - Robert Breault

I think the shocking thing to discover is the owls are not stupid and very feral, very hard to train. - Robbie Coltrane

By eating many fruits and vegetables in place of fast food and junk food, people could avoid obesity. - David H Murdock

My parents live in a retirement community, which is basically a minimum-security prison with a golf course. - Joel Warshaw

To avoid an occasion for our virtues is a worse degree of failure than to push forward pluckily and make a fall. - Robert Louis Stevenson

I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes

Neither a wise man nor a brave man lies down on the tracks of history to wait for the train of the future to run over him. - Dwight D Eisenhower

It's like running a marathon race. We train all hours of the day. When you are taking a bath, you are thinking of the flight. - Kalpana Chawla


see also   Nationality  &  Train  Sections
Suitcase Inspection
Welcome To Scotland

 

Water Waste Basket

My Daughter and My Money

Executive Decision Time

Animal Rings

Cow Return

Biggest Fan On The Block

Senior's TV Tray

Potty 'Train'ing In India

A Woman Named Five Horses

Vegan Dentist

How To Conserve Gas

Rolling Shoes

How Twins Are Made

Cool Reading Room

Poor Lifetime

Be GarFul

Tooth Ferry

Ready For Rabbits

Ecosystem

Plumber's Night Light
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06-Jun-2020