Scottish Ticket Avoider

Suitcase hurling in Scotland


A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, was riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor managed to corner him and told him to pay up: “You’ve been on for five miles - that’ll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase.”

The Scotsman responded, “I ha’not! I want a, ha’penny fare, I just got on this vera moment.”

They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London Bridge, he grabs the Scotsman’s suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus.

It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, “Not only are ya trin’ to overcharge me for the ticket - but now you’ve gone a’drowned ma wee boy, Jimmy!”


QuotaBills
Avoid fruit and nuts. You are what you eat. - Jim Davis

Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train. - Charles Barkley

You often meet your fate on the road you take to avoid it. - French Proverb

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. - Dale Carnegie

The way to avoid roadblocks to learning is to ask questions. - Joseph J. Thomas

School Of Hard Knocks: Where they train door-to-door salesmen - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The history of Scotland is one of theology tempered by homicide. - Ivor Brown

I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward. - Charlotte Brontë

Surround yourself with positive people and situations, and avoid negativity. - Doreen Virtue

Fitness needs to be perceived as fun and games or we subconsciously avoid it. - Alan Thicke

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back. - Steven Wright

It's not the bulls or the bears you need to avoid, it's the bum steers. - Chuck Hillis

Security is mostly a superstition. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. - Helen Keller

You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality. - Ayn Rand

There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. - Aristotle

If they want peace, nations should avoid the pin-pricks that precede cannon-shots. - Napoleon Bonaparte

I wear a fun sock when I travel to give the security staff a well-deserved chuckle. - Chelsea Peretti

People spend entire lifetimes trying to avoid the things that have already happened. - Silvia Hartmann

Birds find shelter during the rain, but eagles avoid rain by flying above the clouds. - Abdul Kalam

The more you learn about the dignity of the gorilla, the more you want to avoid people. - Dian Fossey

Man should not try to avoid stress any more than he would shun food, love, or exercise. - Hans Selye

I mistrust all systematizers and avoid them. The will to a system is a lack of integrity. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works. - Bill Vaughan

If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

There ain't no man can avoid being born average. But there ain't no man got to be common. - Satchel Paige

I do not think there is any silver bullet to solving the technology side of the security equation. - John W. Thompson

There is one difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist - the taxidermist leaves the hide. - Mortimer Caplan

Hard work is the soundest investment. It provides a neat security for your widow's next husband. - Unknown

My parents live in a retirement community, which is basically a minimum-security prison with a golf course. - Joel Warshaw

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes

The only security men can have for their political liberty, consists in keeping their money in their own pockets. - Lysander Spooner

One of the endearing things about mathematicians is the extent to which they will go to avoid doing any real work. - Matthew Pordage

People confuse amassing money with security, but it is not so. What a pity to confuse real security with making money. - Billy Graham

Neither a wise man nor a brave man lies down on the tracks of history to wait for the train of the future to run over him. - Dwight D Eisenhower

Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing. - Denis Waitley

If a train is coming at you, closing your eyes won't save you... but if you look right at it, you at least have a chance to jump. - Andrew Vachss

A "No" uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble. - Mahatma Gandhi

In a world of complex threats, our security and leadership depends on all elements of our power - including strong and principled diplomacy. - Barack Obama

When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer. - Corrie Ten Boom


see also   Nationality  &  Train  Sections
Suitcase Inspection
Welcome To Scotland

 

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22-Jan-2021