Scottish Ticket Avoider

Suitcase hurling in Scotland


A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, was riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor managed to corner him and told him to pay up: “You’ve been on for five miles - that’ll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase.”

The Scotsman responded, “I ha’not! I want a, ha’penny fare, I just got on this vera moment.”

They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London Bridge, he grabs the Scotsman’s suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus.

It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, “Not only are ya trin’ to overcharge me for the ticket - but now you’ve gone a’drowned ma wee boy, Jimmy!”


QuotaBills
Hire character. Train skill. - Peter Schutz

Avoid fruit and nuts. You are what you eat. - Jim Davis

He who asks questions cannot avoid the answers. - Cameroon Proverb

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors. - Unknown

To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. - Elbert Hubbard

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. - Dale Carnegie

The way to avoid roadblocks to learning is to ask questions. - Joseph J. Thomas

Always be ready to speak your mind, and a base man will avoid you. - William Blake

In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily. - Count Talleyrand

I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward. - Charlotte Brontë

We spend our time searching for security and hate it when we get it. - John Steinbeck

A man must learn to endure patiently what he cannot avoid conveniently. - Michel de Montaigne

Every success is usually an admission ticket to a new set of decisions. - Henry Kissinger

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteeen. - WC Fields

The avoidance of taxes is the only pursuit that still carries any reward. - John Maynard Keynes

If you train hard, you'll not only be hard, you'll be hard to beat. - Herschel Walker

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the front of an oncoming train. - David Lee Roth

Fitness needs to be perceived as fun and games or we subconsciously avoid it. - Alan Thicke

He prefers the security of known misery to the misery of unfamiliar insecurity. - Sheldon B. Kopp

There is a light at the end of the tunnel... hopefully its not a freight train! - Mariah Carey

People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls. - Carl Jung

It's not the bulls or the bears you need to avoid, it's the bum steers. - Chuck Hillis

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill

You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality. - Ayn Rand

As far as single payer, it works in Canada. It works incredibly well in Scotland. - Donald Trump

I wear a fun sock when I travel to give the security staff a well-deserved chuckle. - Chelsea Peretti

People spend entire lifetimes trying to avoid the things that have already happened. - Silvia Hartmann

I used to think that one of the great signs of security was the ability to just walk away. - Jack Nicholson

All are inclined to believe that they covet, from a lottery ticket up to a passport to Paradise. - Lord Byron

There ain't no man can avoid being born average. But there ain't no man got to be common. - Satchel Paige

The problem in this world is to avoid concentration of power - we must have a dispersion of power. - Milton Friedman

I do not think there is any silver bullet to solving the technology side of the security equation. - John W. Thompson

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train. - Oscar Wilde

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death. - James F. Bymes

The only security men can have for their political liberty, consists in keeping their money in their own pockets. - Lysander Spooner

The very things we wish to avoid, neglect and flee from turn out to be the 'prima materia' from which all real growth comes. - Andrew Harvey

The great outdoors is a theme with me; a walking holiday in Scotland is perfect - Culloden and the forests of Aviemore are both favourites. - Erin O'Connor

Science is built up with facts, as a house is with stones. But a collection of facts is not more a science than a heap of stones is a house. - Jules Poincare

Social Security's not the hard one to solve. Medicare, that is the gorilla in the room, and you've got to put all of it on the table. - Joe Biden

Do not train boys to learning by force and harshness, but lead them by what amuses them, so that they may better discover the bent of their minds. - Plato


see also   Nationality  &  Train  Sections
Suitcase Inspection
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30-Mar-2020