Operator: “Thank you for calling Olympic Pizza. May I have your...”
Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order.”
Operator: “May I have your NIDN first, sir?”
Customer: “My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh… it’s 6102049798-45-54610.”
Operator: “Thank you, Mr. Ward. I see you live at 1642 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number’s 495-2177. Your office number over at Squamish Insurance is 745-2305 and your cell number’s 276-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?”
Customer: “Huh? I’m at home. Where d’ya get all this information?”
Operator: “We’re wired into the system, sir.”
Customer: (Sighs) “Oh, well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special Luge pizzas - the one that the street luge guy almost ordered...”
Operator: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”
Customer: “Whaddya mean?”
Operator: “Sir, your medical records indicate that you’ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”
Customer: “Dang. What do you recommend, then?”
Operator: “You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it.”
Customer: “What makes you think I’d like something like that?”
Operator: “Well, you checked out “Gourmet Soybean Recipes” on Google last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.”
Customer: “All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What’s that cost?”
Operator: “That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The “damage,” as you refer to in several of your past emails to us, comes to $49.99.”
Customer: “Lemme give you my credit card number.”
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.”
Customer: “I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.”
Operator: “That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn.”
Customer: “Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long will it take?”
Operator: “We’re running a little behind - it’ll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick ’em up while you’re out getting the
cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.”
Customer: “How the heck do you know I’m riding a bike?”
Operator: “It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so your car got reposessed. But your Harley’s paid up, so I just assumed that you’d be using it.”
Customer: “@#%/$@&?#!”
Operator: “I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop.”
Customer: (Speechless)
Operator: “Will there be anything else, sir?”
Customer: “No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don’t forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas.”
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.”
Law and order are not necessarily partners. - Saying
Good order is the foundation of all things. - Edmund Burke
When life gives you lemons, order the lobster tail. - Ziad K. Abdelnour
We shall now proceed to construct the Socialist order. - Lenin
In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can. - Unknown
In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different. - Coco Chanel
We often do good in order that we may do evil with impunity. - Francoise de la Rochefoucauld
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? - George Carlin
In order to attain the impossible, one must attempt the absurd. - Miguel de Cervantes
It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them. - Pierre de Beaumarchais
We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people. - Arthur Schopenhauer
In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty. - Imbesi's Law of Conservation of Filth
I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be. - Albert Einstein
In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion. - Albert Camus
I keep on making what I can't do yet in order to learn to be able to do it. - Vincent van Gogh
In order for a thing to be horrible it has to suffer a change you can recognize. - Ray Bradbury
It is the final proof of God's omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us. - Peter De Vries
You must live with people to know their problems, and live with God in order to solve them. - P.T. Forsyth
In order to be big, you have to think big. If you think small, you're going to be small. - Emeril Lagasse
Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box. - P.J. O'Rourke
Snaccident: Eating an entire pizza, box of chocolates, or family size bag of chips by mistake - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The capitalist chain is again threatening to break at the weakest link. Spain is next in order. - Leon Trotsky
Old minds are like old horses; you must exercise them if you wish to keep them in working order. - John Adams
The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time. - Joe Girard
Men are born with two eyes but with one tongue, in order that they may see twice as much as they say. - C.C. Colton
In order to have faith in his own path, he does not need to prove that someone else's path is wrong. - Paulo Coelho
From where we stand the rain seems random. If we could stand somewhere else, we would see the order in it. - Tony Hillerman
God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way. - C S Lewis
I've never sought success in order to get fame and money; it's the talent and the passion that count in success. - Ingrid Bergman
A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. - Paul Sweeney
In order to have great happiness you have to have great pain and unhappiness - otherwise how would you know when you're happy? - Leslie Caron
A party of order or stability, and a party of progress or reform, are both necessary elements of a healthy state of political life. - John Stuart Mill
In order to engage on social, in order to attract customers, regardless of what kind of customer you have, you have to build trust. - Lindsay Scarpello
I was forced to live far beyond my years when just a child, now I have reversed the order and I intend to remain young indefinitely. - Mary Pickford
Most people spend most of their days doing what they do not want to do in order to earn the right, at times, to do what they may desire. - John Brown
Among creatures born into chaos, a majority will imagine an order, a minority will question the order, and the rest will be pronounced insane. - Robert Brault
Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia
The men who have done big things are those who were not afraid to attempt big things, who were not afraid to risk failure in order to gain success. - B.C. Forbes
Miracle: An act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable, as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with four aces and a king. - Ambrose Bierce
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30-Jun-2022 |