Operator: “Thank you for calling Olympic Pizza. May I have your...”
Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order.”
Operator: “May I have your NIDN first, sir?”
Customer: “My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh… it’s 6102049798-45-54610.”
Operator: “Thank you, Mr. Ward. I see you live at 1642 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number’s 495-2177. Your office number over at Squamish Insurance is 745-2305 and your cell number’s 276-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?”
Customer: “Huh? I’m at home. Where d’ya get all this information?”
Operator: “We’re wired into the system, sir.”
Customer: (Sighs) “Oh, well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special Luge pizzas - the one that the street luge guy almost ordered...”
Operator: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”
Customer: “Whaddya mean?”
Operator: “Sir, your medical records indicate that you’ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”
Customer: “Dang. What do you recommend, then?”
Operator: “You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it.”
Customer: “What makes you think I’d like something like that?”
Operator: “Well, you checked out “Gourmet Soybean Recipes” on Google last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.”
Customer: “All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What’s that cost?”
Operator: “That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The “damage,” as you refer to in several of your past emails to us, comes to $49.99.”
Customer: “Lemme give you my credit card number.”
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.”
Customer: “I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.”
Operator: “That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn.”
Customer: “Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long will it take?”
Operator: “We’re running a little behind - it’ll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick ’em up while you’re out getting the
cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.”
Customer: “How the heck do you know I’m riding a bike?”
Operator: “It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so your car got reposessed. But your Harley’s paid up, so I just assumed that you’d be using it.”
Customer: “@#%/$@&?#!”
Operator: “I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop.”
Customer: (Speechless)
Operator: “Will there be anything else, sir?”
Customer: “No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don’t forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas.”
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.”
Good order is the foundation of all things. - Edmund Burke
Order is the shape upon which beauty depends. - Pearl S. Buck
In order to be walked on, you have to be lying down. - Brian Weir
We shall now proceed to construct the Socialist order. - Lenin
In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different. - Coco Chanel
Words were not given to man in order to conceal his thoughts. - Jose Saramago
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? - George Carlin
Take me or leave me, or, as is the usual order of things, both. - Dorothy Parker
In order to become the master, the politician poses as the servant. - Charles de Gaulle
In order to see birds it is necessary to become a part of the silence. - Robert Lynd
In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty. - Imbesi's Law of Conservation of Filth
I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be. - Albert Einstein
I shudder to think that one day someone may give the same order for Rome. - Scipio Aemilianus
I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in order. - John Burroughs
In order for a thing to be horrible it has to suffer a change you can recognize. - Ray Bradbury
I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. - Pablo Picasso
You don't know how hard I found it, signing the order to terminate your life. - Governor Grand Moff Tarkin
In this religious order has flourished and is revitalized the order of Knighthood. - Knights Templar
When I give a minister an order, I leave it to him to find the means to carry it out. - Napoleon Bonaparte
It is not necessary to hope in order to undertake, nor to succeed in order to persevere. - Charles the Bold
It is the final proof of God's omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us. - Peter De Vries
I have CDO. It's like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order as they should be. - Unknown
She needed the chaos within her in order to discover the extraordinary no man could ever reach. - Robert M. Drake
I actually lost 90 pounds over the course of 15 months in order to save money on life insurance. - Derek Kilmer
In order to live free and happily you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice. - Richard Bach
Men are born with two eyes but with one tongue, in order that they may see twice as much as they say. - C.C. Colton
Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. - Bill Bryson
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible. - Fred Smith
I've never sought success in order to get fame and money; it's the talent and the passion that count in success. - Ingrid Bergman
I like to eat pizza and spaghetti pomodoro, and I'm crazy for dessert. I like all of them: cassata, cheesecake, biscuits. - Stefano Gabbana
Businesses should follow and learn from others' successes and failures in order to better understand and predict their own. - Ben Mezrich
A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. - Paul Sweeney
The mathematical sciences particularly exhibit order, symmetry, and limitation; and these are the greatest forms of the beautiful. - Aristotle
A party of order or stability, and a party of progress or reform, are both necessary elements of a healthy state of political life. - John Stuart Mill
I was forced to live far beyond my years when just a child, now I have reversed the order and I intend to remain young indefinitely. - Mary Pickford
I'm always interested in finding the new trend. If you love pizza every day, after 22 years of eating pizza, you want to try sushi. - Jean Pigozzi
Among creatures born into chaos, a majority will imagine an order, a minority will question the order, and the rest will be pronounced insane. - Robert Brault
Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia
The men who have done big things are those who were not afraid to attempt big things, who were not afraid to risk failure in order to gain success. - B.C. Forbes
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19-Feb-2020 |