Operator: “Thank you for calling Olympic Pizza. May I have your...”
Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order.”
Operator: “May I have your NIDN first, sir?”
Customer: “My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh… it’s 6102049798-45-54610.”
Operator: “Thank you, Mr. Ward. I see you live at 1642 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number’s 495-2177. Your office number over at Squamish Insurance is 745-2305 and your cell number’s 276-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?”
Customer: “Huh? I’m at home. Where d’ya get all this information?”
Operator: “We’re wired into the system, sir.”
Customer: (Sighs) “Oh, well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special Luge pizzas - the one that the street luge guy almost ordered...”
Operator: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”
Customer: “Whaddya mean?”
Operator: “Sir, your medical records indicate that you’ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”
Customer: “Dang. What do you recommend, then?”
Operator: “You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it.”
Customer: “What makes you think I’d like something like that?”
Operator: “Well, you checked out “Gourmet Soybean Recipes” on Google last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.”
Customer: “All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What’s that cost?”
Operator: “That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The “damage,” as you refer to in several of your past emails to us, comes to $49.99.”
Customer: “Lemme give you my credit card number.”
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.”
Customer: “I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.”
Operator: “That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn.”
Customer: “Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long will it take?”
Operator: “We’re running a little behind - it’ll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick ’em up while you’re out getting the
cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.”
Customer: “How the heck do you know I’m riding a bike?”
Operator: “It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so your car got reposessed. But your Harley’s paid up, so I just assumed that you’d be using it.”
Customer: “@#%/$@&?#!”
Operator: “I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop.”
Customer: (Speechless)
Operator: “Will there be anything else, sir?”
Customer: “No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don’t forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas.”
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.”
Lawyers are guardians of the legal order. - Philip Wood
Life is too short not to order the bacon dessert. - George Takei
In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different. - Coco Chanel
In order to be irreplaceacle, one must always be different. - Coco Chanel
Do your job and demand your compensation - but in that order. - Cary Grant
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? - George Carlin
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. - Dalai Lama
Dubm Waiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them. - Pierre de Beaumarchais
I shudder to think that one day someone may give the same order for Rome. - Scipio Aemilianus
The greatest masterpiece in literature is only a dictionary out of order. - Jean Cocteau
I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in order. - John Burroughs
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. - Groucho Marx
I keep on making what I can't do yet in order to learn to be able to do it. - Vincent van Gogh
Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is. - Steve Martin
In order to succeed you must fail, so that you know what not to do the next time. - Anthony d'Angelo
Roses are red, Pizza sauce is too, I ordered a large, and None of it is for you. - Unknown
When I give a minister an order, I leave it to him to find the means to carry it out. - Napoleon Bonaparte
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six. - Yogi Berra
Snaccident: Eating an entire pizza, box of chocolates, or family size bag of chips by mistake - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I actually lost 90 pounds over the course of 15 months in order to save money on life insurance. - Derek Kilmer
Life is like a bank account. You must put something in it in order for you to take anything out. - Joe Segal
Old minds are like old horses; you must exercise them if you wish to keep them in working order. - John Adams
The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time. - Joe Girard
Order, unity, and continuity are human inventions, just as truly as catalogues and encyclopedias. - Bertrand Russell
That's what storytellers do. We restore order with imagination. We instill hope again and again. - Walt Disney
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. - Ludwig Wittgenstein
Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. - Bill Bryson
From where we stand the rain seems random. If we could stand somewhere else, we would see the order in it. - Tony Hillerman
I don't really drink sodas, but when I have popcorn or pizza I need a little. It's the perfect combination. - Alessandra Ambrosio
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible. - Fred Smith
My mother reads the obituary page every day, but she could never understand how people always die in alphabetical order. - Frank Carson
I like to eat pizza and spaghetti pomodoro, and I'm crazy for dessert. I like all of them: cassata, cheesecake, biscuits. - Stefano Gabbana
Lots of time you have to pretend to join a parade in which you are really not interested in order to get where you're going. - Christopher Morley
In order to have great happiness you have to have great pain and unhappiness - otherwise how would you know when you're happy? - Leslie Caron
The blood of Christ covers all of our sins, but each of us must do personal business with God in order to experience his forgiveness. - Lewis B Smedes
I'm always interested in finding the new trend. If you love pizza every day, after 22 years of eating pizza, you want to try sushi. - Jean Pigozzi
My daily diet consists of basically anything I think looks tasty, whether that's pizza, sushi, burgers, quesadillas. I like everything. - Cameron Dallas
The men who have done big things are those who were not afraid to attempt big things, who were not afraid to risk failure in order to gain success. - B.C. Forbes
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27-Oct-2021 |