Operator: “Thank you for calling Olympic Pizza. May I have your...”
Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order.”
Operator: “May I have your NIDN first, sir?”
Customer: “My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh… it’s 6102049798-45-54610.”
Operator: “Thank you, Mr. Ward. I see you live at 1642 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number’s 495-2177. Your office number over at Squamish Insurance is 745-2305 and your cell number’s 276-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?”
Customer: “Huh? I’m at home. Where d’ya get all this information?”
Operator: “We’re wired into the system, sir.”
Customer: (Sighs) “Oh, well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special Luge pizzas - the one that the street luge guy almost ordered...”
Operator: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”
Customer: “Whaddya mean?”
Operator: “Sir, your medical records indicate that you’ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”
Customer: “Dang. What do you recommend, then?”
Operator: “You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it.”
Customer: “What makes you think I’d like something like that?”
Operator: “Well, you checked out “Gourmet Soybean Recipes” on Google last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.”
Customer: “All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What’s that cost?”
Operator: “That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The “damage,” as you refer to in several of your past emails to us, comes to $49.99.”
Customer: “Lemme give you my credit card number.”
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.”
Customer: “I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.”
Operator: “That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn.”
Customer: “Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long will it take?”
Operator: “We’re running a little behind - it’ll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick ’em up while you’re out getting the
cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.”
Customer: “How the heck do you know I’m riding a bike?”
Operator: “It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so your car got reposessed. But your Harley’s paid up, so I just assumed that you’d be using it.”
Customer: “@#%/$@&?#!”
Operator: “I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop.”
Customer: (Speechless)
Operator: “Will there be anything else, sir?”
Customer: “No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don’t forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas.”
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.”
Good order is the foundation of all things. - Edmund Burke
Life is too short not to order the bacon dessert. - George Takei
In order to be irreplaceacle, one must always be different. - Coco Chanel
We often do good in order that we may do evil with impunity. - Francoise de la Rochefoucauld
In order to become the master, the politician poses as the servant. - Charles de Gaulle
It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them. - Pierre de Beaumarchais
In order to please others, we lose our hold on our life's purpose. - Epictetus
The greatest masterpiece in literature is only a dictionary out of order. - Jean Cocteau
When I quote others I do so in order to express my own ideas more clearly. - Michel de Montaigne
Reason is the natural order of truth; but imagination is the organ of meaning. - C S Lewis
I keep on making what I can't do yet in order to learn to be able to do it. - Vincent van Gogh
I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. - Pablo Picasso
In order to succeed you must fail, so that you know what not to do the next time. - Anthony d'Angelo
In this religious order has flourished and is revitalized the order of Knighthood. - Knights Templar
Roses are red, Pizza sauce is too, I ordered a large, and None of it is for you. - Unknown
When I give a minister an order, I leave it to him to find the means to carry it out. - Napoleon Bonaparte
You must live with people to know their problems, and live with God in order to solve them. - P.T. Forsyth
I'm not afraid of death. It's the stake one puts up in order to lay the game of life. - Jean Giraudoux
I am a writer of books in retrospect. I talk in order to understand; I teach in order to learn. - Robert Frost
The capitalist chain is again threatening to break at the weakest link. Spain is next in order. - Leon Trotsky
They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray
Old minds are like old horses; you must exercise them if you wish to keep them in working order. - John Adams
Order, unity, and continuity are human inventions, just as truly as catalogues and encyclopedias. - Bertrand Russell
Men are born with two eyes but with one tongue, in order that they may see twice as much as they say. - C.C. Colton
In order to have faith in his own path, he does not need to prove that someone else's path is wrong. - Paulo Coelho
Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. - Bill Bryson
The purpose of whistleblowing is to expose secret and wrongful acts by those in power in order to enable reform. - Glenn Greenwald
Any processed chicken from any place - I'll order it in a heartbeat. I'm very picky about my pork, though. - David Chang
I don't really drink sodas, but when I have popcorn or pizza I need a little. It's the perfect combination. - Alessandra Ambrosio
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible. - Fred Smith
My mother reads the obituary page every day, but she could never understand how people always die in alphabetical order. - Frank Carson
When it comes to politics, I sit down on a sofa and grab some popcorn - or sometimes I crouch down in order not to get shot. - Sergey Galitsky
Moses took us Israelis forty years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil. - Golda Meir
Lots of time you have to pretend to join a parade in which you are really not interested in order to get where you're going. - Christopher Morley
A party of order or stability, and a party of progress or reform, are both necessary elements of a healthy state of political life. - John Stuart Mill
In order to engage on social, in order to attract customers, regardless of what kind of customer you have, you have to build trust. - Lindsay Scarpello
I'm always interested in finding the new trend. If you love pizza every day, after 22 years of eating pizza, you want to try sushi. - Jean Pigozzi
Most people spend most of their days doing what they do not want to do in order to earn the right, at times, to do what they may desire. - John Brown
The men who have done big things are those who were not afraid to attempt big things, who were not afraid to risk failure in order to gain success. - B.C. Forbes
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24-Oct-2020 |