Operator: “Thank you for calling Olympic Pizza. May I have your...”
Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order.”
Operator: “May I have your NIDN first, sir?”
Customer: “My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh… it’s 6102049798-45-54610.”
Operator: “Thank you, Mr. Ward. I see you live at 1642 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number’s 495-2177. Your office number over at Squamish Insurance is 745-2305 and your cell number’s 276-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?”
Customer: “Huh? I’m at home. Where d’ya get all this information?”
Operator: “We’re wired into the system, sir.”
Customer: (Sighs) “Oh, well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special Luge pizzas - the one that the street luge guy almost ordered...”
Operator: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”
Customer: “Whaddya mean?”
Operator: “Sir, your medical records indicate that you’ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”
Customer: “Dang. What do you recommend, then?”
Operator: “You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it.”
Customer: “What makes you think I’d like something like that?”
Operator: “Well, you checked out “Gourmet Soybean Recipes” on Google last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.”
Customer: “All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What’s that cost?”
Operator: “That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The “damage,” as you refer to in several of your past emails to us, comes to $49.99.”
Customer: “Lemme give you my credit card number.”
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.”
Customer: “I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.”
Operator: “That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn.”
Customer: “Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long will it take?”
Operator: “We’re running a little behind - it’ll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick ’em up while you’re out getting the
cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.”
Customer: “How the heck do you know I’m riding a bike?”
Operator: “It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so your car got reposessed. But your Harley’s paid up, so I just assumed that you’d be using it.”
Customer: “@#%/$@&?#!”
Operator: “I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop.”
Customer: (Speechless)
Operator: “Will there be anything else, sir?”
Customer: “No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don’t forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas.”
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.”
No, it's all in perfect working order. - Spike Milligan
Good order is the foundation of all things. - Edmund Burke
Chaos often breeds life, when order breeds habit. - Henry Adams
Life is too short not to order the bacon dessert. - George Takei
When life gives you lemons, order the lobster tail. - Ziad K. Abdelnour
In order to be walked on, you have to be lying down. - Brian Weir
In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can. - Unknown
I had to deny knowledge in order to make room for faith. - Immanuel Kant
In order to be irreplaceacle, one must always be different. - Coco Chanel
Take me or leave me, or, as is the usual order of things, both. - Dorothy Parker
It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them. - Pierre de Beaumarchais
In order to please others, we lose our hold on our life's purpose. - Epictetus
In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty. - Imbesi's Law of Conservation of Filth
I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in order. - John Burroughs
Reason is the natural order of truth; but imagination is the organ of meaning. - C S Lewis
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. - Groucho Marx
I keep on making what I can't do yet in order to learn to be able to do it. - Vincent van Gogh
Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is. - Steve Martin
In order to succeed you must fail, so that you know what not to do the next time. - Anthony d'Angelo
When I give a minister an order, I leave it to him to find the means to carry it out. - Napoleon Bonaparte
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six. - Yogi Berra
It's one of the great urban myths that people get pregnant in order to have children. - Menzies Campbell
I have CDO. It's like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order as they should be. - Unknown
I am a writer of books in retrospect. I talk in order to understand; I teach in order to learn. - Robert Frost
She needed the chaos within her in order to discover the extraordinary no man could ever reach. - Robert M. Drake
They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray
Order, unity, and continuity are human inventions, just as truly as catalogues and encyclopedias. - Bertrand Russell
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. - Ludwig Wittgenstein
I don't really drink sodas, but when I have popcorn or pizza I need a little. It's the perfect combination. - Alessandra Ambrosio
God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way. - C S Lewis
I've never sought success in order to get fame and money; it's the talent and the passion that count in success. - Ingrid Bergman
I like to eat pizza and spaghetti pomodoro, and I'm crazy for dessert. I like all of them: cassata, cheesecake, biscuits. - Stefano Gabbana
Businesses should follow and learn from others' successes and failures in order to better understand and predict their own. - Ben Mezrich
Lots of time you have to pretend to join a parade in which you are really not interested in order to get where you're going. - Christopher Morley
A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. - Paul Sweeney
A party of order or stability, and a party of progress or reform, are both necessary elements of a healthy state of political life. - John Stuart Mill
Most people spend most of their days doing what they do not want to do in order to earn the right, at times, to do what they may desire. - John Brown
Among creatures born into chaos, a majority will imagine an order, a minority will question the order, and the rest will be pronounced insane. - Robert Brault
Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia
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28-May-2020 |