Punjabi Airways

Where safety standards are very high


Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjabi Airways. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!

Punjabi Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact, our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! I take great pleasure in announcing that starting this year, over 50 per cent of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don’t quite make it, Punjabi Airways staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the kith and kin. Our stewardess Bubbly will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth, pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits, provided you have paid for the coupons twice!

For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

Smoking is not allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Life jackets are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunts and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. However, if we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can’t find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.

Sorry, but I won’t be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew’s wedding. Thank you for choosing Punjabi Airways. Have a nice journey!


QuotaBills
The voice is nothing but beaten air. - Seneca

Conference: Hot air on a high level. - Gerald Barzan

The only victory over love is flight. - Napoleon Bonaparte

To elude by flight is a glorious victory. - Horace

Wishing to be a bird so you can Fly Away. - Unknown

Why, when I am talking, does time seem to fly? - Bob Grant

If you cannot teach me to fly, teach me to sing. - J M Barrie

What air is to the body, to feel understood is to the heart. - Stephen Covey

Germany may have recovered a flying saucer as early as 1939. - Jimmy Doolittle

If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down. - Roy T Bennett

The higher we soar the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Disappointments are to the soul what thunderstorms are to the air. - Johann C. F. von Schiller

If God had intended us to fly, He would never have given us railways. - Michael Flanders

Every rupee of profit made by an Englishman is lost for ever to India. - Edmund Burke

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott

If ever a chef were to cook a fly, he would keep the breast for himself. - Poland Proverb

And 'tis my faith, that every flower
Enjoys the air it breathes. - William Wordsworth

Something in the air this morning made me feel like flying... Spring Flight - Eileen Granfors

The nation that secures control of the air will ultimately control the world. - Alexander Graham Bell

If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. - Jonathan Winters

The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it. - J.M. Barrie

Time passes too fast. Like a hummingbird flying by, it's just a blur to my eyes. - Amanda Leigh

Learn to adapt like a bird. We can only dream of flying, but the bird has already grown her wings. - Debasish Mridha

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

Nothing can move a man who is paid by the hour; how sweet the flight of time seems to his calm mind. - Charles D Warner

Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything. - Plato

The blazing wings of dawn spirited me away, Dragon-swift above the suns-rise, flying to my destiny beyond the clouds. - Marc Secchia

Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know so it goes flying anyway. - Mary Kay Ash

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff. - Rodney Dangerfield

You can not prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building a nest in your hair. - Chinese Proverb

Aim at the sun, and you may not reach it; but your arrow will fly far higher than if aimed at an object on a level with yourself. - Joel Hawes

It's like running a marathon race. We train all hours of the day. When you are taking a bath, you are thinking of the flight. - Kalpana Chawla

Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each. - Henry David Thoreau

I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery - air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, 'This is what it is to be happy.' - Sylvia Plath

I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today." - Steven Wright

Pilots take no special joy in walking: pilots like flying. Pilots generally take pride in a good landing, not in getting out of the vehicle. - Neil Armstrong

The air up there in the clouds is very pure and fine, bracing and delicious. And why shouldn't it be? It is the same the angels breathe. - Mark Twain

Like a prisoner awaiting his release, like a schoolboy when the end of term is near, like a migrant bird ready to fly south... I long to be gone. - Malcolm Muggeridge

If you decide to stop flying, it is wise to hang on to your wings, for you may need them one day, when one of your other qualities turns dangerous. - Am Leach

Be like the bird that, passing on her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing that she hath wings. - Victor Hugo


see also   Airplane,  Nationality,  Safety  &  Stress  Sections
African Airlines
African Ambulance
African Lunch
Air Meal
Airbus 2006 - A Tale of Two Pilots
Amish Airlines - Maiden Voyage
Flight Instructions
Geriatric Flight
India Airlines Economy Flight
Invisible Air Force One
Kulula Airlines - Flying 101
Lutheran Airlines – New Service in Minnesnowta
Middle East Airlines
Plain Plane Seat
Redneck Airlines

 

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27-Sep-2020