Punjabi Airways

Where safety standards are very high


Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjabi Airways. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!

Punjabi Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact, our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! I take great pleasure in announcing that starting this year, over 50 per cent of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don’t quite make it, Punjabi Airways staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the kith and kin. Our stewardess Bubbly will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth, pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits, provided you have paid for the coupons twice!

For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

Smoking is not allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Life jackets are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunts and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. However, if we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can’t find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.

Sorry, but I won’t be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew’s wedding. Thank you for choosing Punjabi Airways. Have a nice journey!


QuotaBills
If I cannot fly, let me sing. - Stephen Sondheim

I love everything about India. - Russell Peters

The voice is nothing but beaten air. - Seneca

Owning a drone does not a pilot make. - Alex Morritt

The only victory over love is flight. - Napoleon Bonaparte

To elude by flight is a glorious victory. - Horace

The lure of flying is the lure of beauty. - Amelia Earhart

I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of not flying. - Unknown

Germany may have recovered a flying saucer as early as 1939. - Jimmy Doolittle

If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down. - Roy T Bennett

Only the two of us together flying high upon the wings of love. - Jeffrey Osborne

Flying without feathers is not easy; my wings have no feathers. - Plautus

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris

We all thought we'd have flying cars by now, but we don't. - Dana Brunetti

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. - Steven Wright

If God had intended us to fly, He would never have given us railways. - Michael Flanders

Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man. Landing is the first. - Unknown

And 'tis my faith, that every flower
Enjoys the air it breathes. - William Wordsworth

Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth. - Henry David Thoreau

Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo. - Al Gore

It's OK to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation. - Rob Gilbert

He who waits for a roast duck to fly into his mouth must wait a very, very long time. - Chinese Proverb

Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly; devils fall because of their gravity. - G K Chesterton

You can't fly with the owls by night and expect to keep up with the eagles during the day. - Unknown

We breathe air, trees make air, homework kills trees, therefore homework is going to kill us all. - Unknown

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

I don't like all this fresh air: I'm from Los Angeles; I don't trust any air I can't see. - Bob Hope

When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it. - Henry Ford

There is music in the air, music all around us; the world is full of it, and you simply take as much as you require. - Edward Elgar

Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken

The only people flying to Europe will be terrorists, so it will be, "Will you be sitting in armed or unarmed?" - Robin Williams

The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings. - J.M. Barrie

Bruce Lee's fast pace, Jet Li's pretty style and Jet Li's acrobatics combine with Muay Thai for my own style. - Tony Jaa

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff. - Rodney Dangerfield

It's better to swim in the sea below
Than to swing in the air and feed the crow,
Says jolly Ned Teach of Bristol. - Benjamin Franklin

You can not prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building a nest in your hair. - Chinese Proverb

Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each. - Henry David Thoreau

Be not penny-wise. Riches have wings. Sometimes they fly away of themselves, and sometimes they must be set flying to bring in more. - Francis Bacon

If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of twenty-two, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. - Tom Stoppard

From lessening negativity to boosting creativity, hiking in fresh air actually boosts brain power and can help certain parts of the brain grow. - Meredith Carey


see also   Airplane,  Nationality,  Safety  &  Stress  Sections
African Airlines
African Ambulance
African Lunch
Air Meal
Airbus 2006 - A Tale of Two Pilots
Amish Airlines - Maiden Voyage
Flight Instructions
Geriatric Flight
India Airlines Economy Flight
Invisible Air Force One
Kulula Airlines - Flying 101
Lutheran Airlines – New Service in Minnesnowta
Middle East Airlines
Plain Plane Seat
Redneck Airlines

 

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13-Jul-2020