Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjabi Airways. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!
Punjabi Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact, our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! I take great pleasure in announcing that starting this year, over 50 per cent of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don’t quite make it, Punjabi Airways staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the kith and kin. Our stewardess Bubbly will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth, pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits, provided you have paid for the coupons twice!
For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
Smoking is not allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Life jackets are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunts and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. However, if we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can’t find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.
Sorry, but I won’t be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew’s wedding. Thank you for choosing Punjabi Airways. Have a nice journey!
Mothers are angels that lift us when we cannot fly. - Unknown
Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly. - Unknown
Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. - G K Chesterton
You cannot fly like an eagle with the wings of a wren. - William Henry Hudson
If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. - Mel Brooks
Luck is like having a rice dumpling fly into your mouth. - Japanese Proverb
He imagines a necessary joy in things that must fly to eat. - Wendell Berry
If God wanted us to fly, he would have given us air tickets. - Mel Brooks
The sky is the limit only for those who aren't afraid to fly. - Bob Bello
Live in the sunshine
Swim in the sea
Drink the wild air - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Disappointments are to the soul what thunderstorms are to the air. - Johann C. F. von Schiller
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris
This is perfect weather for today's game. Not a breath of air. - Curt Gowdy
If God had intended us to fly, He would never have given us railways. - Michael Flanders
The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott
Something in the air this morning made me feel like flying... Spring Flight - Eileen Granfors
Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth. - Henry David Thoreau
The nation that secures control of the air will ultimately control the world. - Alexander Graham Bell
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. - Jonathan Winters
The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it. - J.M. Barrie
It's OK to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation. - Rob Gilbert
There are two kind of air travel in the United States, first class and third world. - Bobby Slayton
Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. - Lanston Hughes
My tent doesn't look like much but it is air-conditioned and has exceptional location. - Fennel Hudson
You can't fly with the owls by night and expect to keep up with the eagles during the day. - Unknown
We breathe air, trees make air, homework kills trees, therefore homework is going to kill us all. - Unknown
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
Caesar dreamed that he was flying above the clouds, and now that he was clasping the hand of Jupiter. - Suetonius
I don't like all this fresh air: I'm from Los Angeles; I don't trust any air I can't see. - Bob Hope
I am the astronaut of boxing. Joe Louis and Jack Dempsey were just jet pilots. I'm in a world of my own. - Muhammad Ali
When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it. - Henry Ford
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all. - Robert Orben
With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff. - Rodney Dangerfield
If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them. - Henry David Thoreau
Aim at the sun, and you may not reach it; but your arrow will fly far higher than if aimed at an object on a level with yourself. - Joel Hawes
Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each. - Henry David Thoreau
If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of twenty-two, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. - Tom Stoppard
Southwest Airlines is successful because the company understands it's a customer service company. It also happens to be an airline. - Harvey Mackay
Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground. - Jarod Kintz
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12-Dec-2019 |