Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjabi Airways. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!
Punjabi Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact, our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! I take great pleasure in announcing that starting this year, over 50 per cent of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don’t quite make it, Punjabi Airways staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the kith and kin. Our stewardess Bubbly will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth, pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits, provided you have paid for the coupons twice!
For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
Smoking is not allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Life jackets are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunts and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. However, if we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can’t find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.
Sorry, but I won’t be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew’s wedding. Thank you for choosing Punjabi Airways. Have a nice journey!
The voice is nothing but beaten air. - Seneca
Conference: Hot air on a high level. - Gerald Barzan
The only victory over love is flight. - Napoleon Bonaparte
To elude by flight is a glorious victory. - Horace
Wishing to be a bird so you can Fly Away. - Unknown
Why, when I am talking, does time seem to fly? - Bob Grant
If you cannot teach me to fly, teach me to sing. - J M Barrie
What air is to the body, to feel understood is to the heart. - Stephen Covey
Germany may have recovered a flying saucer as early as 1939. - Jimmy Doolittle
If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down. - Roy T Bennett
The higher we soar the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
Disappointments are to the soul what thunderstorms are to the air. - Johann C. F. von Schiller
If God had intended us to fly, He would never have given us railways. - Michael Flanders
Every rupee of profit made by an Englishman is lost for ever to India. - Edmund Burke
The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott
If ever a chef were to cook a fly, he would keep the breast for himself. - Poland Proverb
And 'tis my faith, that every flower
Enjoys the air it breathes. - William Wordsworth
Something in the air this morning made me feel like flying... Spring Flight - Eileen Granfors
The nation that secures control of the air will ultimately control the world. - Alexander Graham Bell
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. - Jonathan Winters
The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it. - J.M. Barrie
Time passes too fast. Like a hummingbird flying by, it's just a blur to my eyes. - Amanda Leigh
Learn to adapt like a bird. We can only dream of flying, but the bird has already grown her wings. - Debasish Mridha
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
Nothing can move a man who is paid by the hour; how sweet the flight of time seems to his calm mind. - Charles D Warner
Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything. - Plato
The blazing wings of dawn spirited me away, Dragon-swift above the suns-rise, flying to my destiny beyond the clouds. - Marc Secchia
Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know so it goes flying anyway. - Mary Kay Ash
With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff. - Rodney Dangerfield
You can not prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building a nest in your hair. - Chinese Proverb
Aim at the sun, and you may not reach it; but your arrow will fly far higher than if aimed at an object on a level with yourself. - Joel Hawes
It's like running a marathon race. We train all hours of the day. When you are taking a bath, you are thinking of the flight. - Kalpana Chawla
Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each. - Henry David Thoreau
I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery - air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, 'This is what it is to be happy.' - Sylvia Plath
I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today." - Steven Wright
Pilots take no special joy in walking: pilots like flying. Pilots generally take pride in a good landing, not in getting out of the vehicle. - Neil Armstrong
The air up there in the clouds is very pure and fine, bracing and delicious. And why shouldn't it be? It is the same the angels breathe. - Mark Twain
Like a prisoner awaiting his release, like a schoolboy when the end of term is near, like a migrant bird ready to fly south... I long to be gone. - Malcolm Muggeridge
If you decide to stop flying, it is wise to hang on to your wings, for you may need them one day, when one of your other qualities turns dangerous. - Am Leach
Be like the bird that, passing on her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing that she hath wings. - Victor Hugo
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Invisible Air Force One
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Lutheran Airlines – New Service in Minnesnowta
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Meat You In The Locker Room
Baby's Dog Rug
Seeing Eye Cat
Computer Multitasker - He Be Da' Man!
Spamdex Pork Shorts
What's Your Blues Name?
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Growing Own Pot
Duct Tape Wall Bed