Punjabi Airways

Where safety standards are very high


Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjabi Airways. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!

Punjabi Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact, our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! I take great pleasure in announcing that starting this year, over 50 per cent of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don’t quite make it, Punjabi Airways staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the kith and kin. Our stewardess Bubbly will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth, pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits, provided you have paid for the coupons twice!

For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

Smoking is not allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Life jackets are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunts and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. However, if we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can’t find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.

Sorry, but I won’t be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew’s wedding. Thank you for choosing Punjabi Airways. Have a nice journey!


QuotaBills
I got bigger fish to fly - Archie Bunker

Breathing dreams like air. - F Scott Fitzgerald

The voice is nothing but beaten air. - Seneca

Owning a drone does not a pilot make. - Alex Morritt

Roasted pigeons will not fly into one's mouth. - Dutch Proverb

Mothers are angels that lift us when we cannot fly. - Unknown

Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. - G K Chesterton

You cannot fly like an eagle with the wings of a wren. - William Henry Hudson

Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly? - Frida Kahlo

Luck is like having a rice dumpling fly into your mouth. - Japanese Proverb

The sky is the limit only for those who aren't afraid to fly. - Bob Bello

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. - Al McGuire

The higher we soar the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris

This is perfect weather for today's game. Not a breath of air. - Curt Gowdy

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. - Steven Wright

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott

Something in the air this morning made me feel like flying... Spring Flight - Eileen Granfors

I love Halloween: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner. - Evan Peters

Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. - Chinese Proverb

The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it. - J.M. Barrie

Now that I've found the way to fly, which direction should I go into the night? - Ally Condie

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. - Lanston Hughes

My tent doesn't look like much but it is air-conditioned and has exceptional location. - Fennel Hudson

Nothing can move a man who is paid by the hour; how sweet the flight of time seems to his calm mind. - Charles D Warner

I don't like all this fresh air: I'm from Los Angeles; I don't trust any air I can't see. - Bob Hope

Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it. - Henry Ford

Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
So just what are time flies, and why do they fly like an arrow? - Groucho Marx

Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know so it goes flying anyway. - Mary Kay Ash

The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings. - J.M. Barrie

Bruce Lee's fast pace, Jet Li's pretty style and Jet Li's acrobatics combine with Muay Thai for my own style. - Tony Jaa

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them. - Henry David Thoreau

It's better to swim in the sea below
Than to swing in the air and feed the crow,
Says jolly Ned Teach of Bristol. - Benjamin Franklin

Aim at the sun, and you may not reach it; but your arrow will fly far higher than if aimed at an object on a level with yourself. - Joel Hawes

If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of twenty-two, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. - Tom Stoppard

If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? - George Carlin

A nation that destroys its soils destroys itself. Forests are the lungs of our land, purifying the air and giving fresh strength to our people. - Franklin D Roosevelt

Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground. - Jarod Kintz


see also   Airplane,  Nationality,  Safety  &  Stress  Sections
African Airlines
African Ambulance
African Lunch
Air Meal
Airbus 2006 - A Tale of Two Pilots
Amish Airlines - Maiden Voyage
Flight Instructions
Geriatric Flight
India Airlines Economy Flight
Invisible Air Force One
Kulula Airlines - Flying 101
Lutheran Airlines – New Service in Minnesnowta
Middle East Airlines
Plain Plane Seat
Redneck Airlines

 

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Don't Touch Your Face

Pet Dentist

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Flying is so Overrated

Wear Fur Without Killing Animals

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Woodpecker Trio

Evolution and Philosophy

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28-Mar-2020