Punjabi Airways

Where safety standards are very high


Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjabi Airways. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!

Punjabi Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact, our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! I take great pleasure in announcing that starting this year, over 50 per cent of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don’t quite make it, Punjabi Airways staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the kith and kin. Our stewardess Bubbly will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth, pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits, provided you have paid for the coupons twice!

For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

Smoking is not allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Life jackets are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunts and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. However, if we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can’t find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.

Sorry, but I won’t be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew’s wedding. Thank you for choosing Punjabi Airways. Have a nice journey!


QuotaBills
I got bigger fish to fly - Archie Bunker

Breathing dreams like air. - F Scott Fitzgerald

If I cannot fly, let me sing. - Stephen Sondheim

I love everything about India. - Russell Peters

Wishing to be a bird so you can Fly Away. - Unknown

Birds born in a cage think flying is an illness. - Alejandro Jodorowsky

The press is like the air, a chartered libertine. - William Pitt The Elder

Do what is right, even if you're flying solo. - Unknown

Mothers are angels that lift us when we cannot fly. - Unknown

You cannot fly like an eagle with the wings of a wren. - William Henry Hudson

Flight attendants don't die, they just fly higher. - Unknown

He imagines a necessary joy in things that must fly to eat. - Wendell Berry

If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down. - Roy T Bennett

Live in the sunshine
Swim in the sea
Drink the wild air - Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. - Steven Wright

Our Air Corps reunion was held to rememmorate the great things we done. - Archie Bunker

If ever a chef were to cook a fly, he would keep the breast for himself. - Poland Proverb

Something in the air this morning made me feel like flying... Spring Flight - Eileen Granfors

Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. - Chinese Proverb

Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo. - Al Gore

The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it. - J.M. Barrie

It's OK to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation. - Rob Gilbert

Time passes too fast. Like a hummingbird flying by, it's just a blur to my eyes. - Amanda Leigh

My tent doesn't look like much but it is air-conditioned and has exceptional location. - Fennel Hudson

You can't fly with the owls by night and expect to keep up with the eagles during the day. - Unknown

Learn to adapt like a bird. We can only dream of flying, but the bird has already grown her wings. - Debasish Mridha

Stop the words now. Open the window in the center of your chest and let the spirits fly in and out. - Rumi

Nothing can move a man who is paid by the hour; how sweet the flight of time seems to his calm mind. - Charles D Warner

Caesar dreamed that he was flying above the clouds, and now that he was clasping the hand of Jupiter. - Suetonius

Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do about it. - Golda Meir

The blazing wings of dawn spirited me away, Dragon-swift above the suns-rise, flying to my destiny beyond the clouds. - Marc Secchia

Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know so it goes flying anyway. - Mary Kay Ash

The greater the difficulty, the more glory in surmounting it. Skillful pilots gain their reputation from storms and tempests. - Epictetus

The understanding must not therefore be supplied with wings, but rather hung with weights, to keep it fro leaping and flying. - Francis Bacon

Be not penny-wise. Riches have wings. Sometimes they fly away of themselves, and sometimes they must be set flying to bring in more. - Francis Bacon

I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today." - Steven Wright

The air up there in the clouds is very pure and fine, bracing and delicious. And why shouldn't it be? It is the same the angels breathe. - Mark Twain

This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet. - Rumi

Be like the bird that, passing on her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing that she hath wings. - Victor Hugo


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24-Jan-2021