‘Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse;
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste,
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist;
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber),
I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared,
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared;
The wine and the rum balls;
The bread and the cheese,
And the way I’d never said,
“No thank you, please.”
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt,
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt,
I said to myself, as only I can,
“You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!”
So, away with the last of the sour cream dip.
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished,
’Til all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie - not even a lick.
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore,
But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
Christmas & New Years Sections
Redneck Hailstone Damage
Redneck Flu Shot
Japanese Diving Platform
Cat Swimming at the Olympics
Row Your Goat
My Kind Of Exercise
Surround Sound for Babies
Clean Senior Citizens