A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn’t know what costume to wear
to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.
A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate’s outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head
and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he
writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note,
which says:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk’s habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with
your bald head, you will really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to
emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of
complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and a note which reads:
Dear Sir,
Please find the enclosed bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick
your wooden leg up your rear end and go as a caramel apple.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
Forget Cutie, I'd rather be Pumpkin! - Unknown
Mind sees ghost when frightened and hopeless. - Toba Beta
Acting is like a Halloween mask that you put on. - River Phoenix
Halloween pumpkins aglow.
Come see the show. - Unknown
It's easier to dismiss ghosts in the daylight. - Patricia Briggs
Costumes and scenery alone will not attract audiences. - Anna Held
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield
Studio 54 made Halloween in Hollywood look like a PTA meeting. - Lorna Luft
A house with old furniture has no need of ghosts to be haunted. - Hope Mirrlees
Nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night. - Steve Almond
A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. - Erma Bombeck
True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Take care of your costume and your confidence will take care of itself. - Amit Kalantri
I'm not a real Halloween kind of guy, because Halloween is every day. - Al Jourgensen
The idea of dying and coming back is what makes the Halloween films work. - Donald Pleasence
We're all just ghosts on a wire seeking the prick of an electric thought. - Robert Fanney
This poor pumpkin gave in to rot,
and all that's left is pumpkin snot. - Shirley Thomas
In one aspect, yes, I believe in ghosts, but we create them. We haunt ourselves. - Laurie H. Anderson
The people you love become ghosts inside of you, and like this you keep them alive. - Rob Montgomery
The ghosts of things that never happened are worse than the ghosts of things that did. - L.M. Montgomery
I get more distracted by hair or a really bad wig than I do costumes any day of the week. - Colleen Atwood
Monsters are real, and ghosts are real, too. They live inside us, and sometimes they win. - Stephen King
Maybe all the people who say ghosts don't exist are just afraid to admit that they do. - Michael Ende
Message boards are like going to a Halloween masquerade party. Everybody has a screen name. - John Mackey
I love to put on a wig, a costume, inhabit a different world and be called something different. - Susan Egan
Being in a band you can wear whatever you want - it's like an excuse for Halloween every day. - Gwen Stefani
I never really address myself to any image anybody has of me. That's like fighting with ghosts. - Sally Field
Everything is for sale in Hollywood; the fairy tale, the costume, the pumpkin, the footman and the mice. - Amanda Eliasch
Seems like Americans just want it to be Halloween all year. The holiday just keeps getting more popular. - Amity Shlaes
The pumpkin hearing, "Let's carve and scoop,"
Ran fast as he could, leaving pumpkin poop. - Shirley Thomas
I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?' - Drew Carey
The farther we've gotten from the magic and mystery of our past, the more we've come to need Halloween. - Paula Guran
The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies. - Neil Gaiman
Halloween is a day in which some people choose to wear a mask, while others finally feel safe to take theirs off. - Steve Maraboli
Halloween is one of my favorite days of the year. I have a strict rule: I don't work on Halloween and I won't travel on Halloween. - Simon Sinek
Instead of doing cinnamon, nutmeg, and all those baking spices I'll have one spice that's for sweets, and that's pumpkin pie spice. - Sandra Lee
All my life, I have been a celebrant of Halloween. For me, it is the most important day of the year, the turning point in the old pagan calendar. - John Burnside
I love the scents of winter! For me, it's all about the feeling you get when you smell pumpkin spice, cinnamon, nutmeg, gingerbread and spruce. - Taylor Swift
This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. - Conan O'Brien
see also Clothing & Halloween Sections
Animal Halloween Costumes
Avoiding Stress In The Workplace
Bat Flying Blind
Bloodsucker Bank
Boo Who? Surprise, Surprise!
Coffin Attack
Cruise Nurse
Halloween Birth
Howloween
Pumpkin Art
Pumpkin Buns
Pumpkin Candy
 Kid Straps |  Redneck Water Heater |  Bike Comb |  Programmer Logic |  Team Foosball |
 Slow Down Sign |  Bike Chaser |  NFL Referees |  No Go Intersection |  Staple Diet |
 Darth Vader Dog |  PacMan Lights |  Uncommon Name |  DMV Office |  Meat You In The Locker Room |
28-Sep-2020 |