A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn’t know what costume to wear
to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.
A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate’s outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head
and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he
writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note,
which says:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk’s habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with
your bald head, you will really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to
emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of
complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and a note which reads:
Dear Sir,
Please find the enclosed bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick
your wooden leg up your rear end and go as a caramel apple.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
Pumpkin pie fixes everything. - Unknown
I only eat candy on Halloween. - Michael Trevino
Forget Cutie, I'd rather be Pumpkin! - Unknown
Mind sees ghost when frightened and hopeless. - Toba Beta
My only career goal is to be a Halloween icon. - Nuno Roque
Now I know what a ghost is. Unfinished business. - Salman Rushdie
It's easier to dismiss ghosts in the daylight. - Patricia Briggs
The muses are ghosts, and sometimes they come uninvited. - Stephen King
Only the knife knows what goes on in the heart of a pumpkin. - Simone Schwarz-Bart
The pumpkin is always oranger on the other side of the patch. - Unknown
A house with old furniture has no need of ghosts to be haunted. - Hope Mirrlees
I love the spirit of Halloween and the energy that comes with it. - Katharine McPhee
A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. - Erma Bombeck
The idea of dying and coming back is what makes the Halloween films work. - Donald Pleasence
I love Halloween: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner. - Evan Peters
This poor pumpkin gave in to rot,
and all that's left is pumpkin snot. - Shirley Thomas
My favorite word is 'pumpkin.' You are a pumpkin. Or you are not. I am. - Harrison E. Salisbury
Kilt: A costume sometimes worn by Scotsmen in America and Americans in Scotland - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
In one aspect, yes, I believe in ghosts, but we create them. We haunt ourselves. - Laurie H. Anderson
The ghosts of things that never happened are worse than the ghosts of things that did. - L.M. Montgomery
I get more distracted by hair or a really bad wig than I do costumes any day of the week. - Colleen Atwood
Monsters are real, and ghosts are real, too. They live inside us, and sometimes they win. - Stephen King
Maybe all the people who say ghosts don't exist are just afraid to admit that they do. - Michael Ende
Message boards are like going to a Halloween masquerade party. Everybody has a screen name. - John Mackey
Make pumpkin bread as the default gift for everyone. It is cheap, it is beloved, it is carbs. - Karen Bender
I never really address myself to any image anybody has of me. That's like fighting with ghosts. - Sally Field
Everything is for sale in Hollywood; the fairy tale, the costume, the pumpkin, the footman and the mice. - Amanda Eliasch
Seems like Americans just want it to be Halloween all year. The holiday just keeps getting more popular. - Amity Shlaes
When witches go riding and black cats are seen,
The moon laughs and whispers, 'tis near Halloween. - Unknown
We used to go around tipping outhouses over, or turning over corn shocks on Halloween. Anything to be mean. - Loretta Lynn
Nudist Colony Halloween parties are especially scary. They give the word 'moon' a new cruel meaning. - Ray Palla
The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies. - Neil Gaiman
I wouldn't describe myself as lacking in confidence, but I would say that the ghosts you chase you never catch. - John Malkovich
All Halloween candy pales next to candy corn, if only because candy corn used to appear, like the Great Pumpkin, solely on Halloween. - Rosecrans Baldwin
It is good for a man to invite his ghosts into his warm interior, out of the wild night, into the firelight, out of the howling dark. - A.S. Byatt
Halloween is one of my favorite days of the year. I have a strict rule: I don't work on Halloween and I won't travel on Halloween. - Simon Sinek
Instead of doing cinnamon, nutmeg, and all those baking spices I'll have one spice that's for sweets, and that's pumpkin pie spice. - Sandra Lee
I love the scents of winter! For me, it's all about the feeling you get when you smell pumpkin spice, cinnamon, nutmeg, gingerbread and spruce. - Taylor Swift
This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. - Conan O'Brien
see also Clothing & Halloween Sections
Animal Halloween Costumes
Avoiding Stress In The Workplace
Bat Flying Blind
Bloodsucker Bank
Boo Who? Surprise, Surprise!
Coffin Attack
Cruise Nurse
Halloween Birth
Howloween
Pumpkin Art
Pumpkin Buns
Pumpkin Candy
 Tree Sorrow |  OCD Electrician |  2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars |  Redneck Shower Head |  Wise Moves |
 Fox Hunting Madness |  Emperor Penguins |  The Side Effects of Veganism |  Stair Railing Electrician |  Cold Faucet |
 Make Womb For Baby |  Hardtail Bike |  Birth Control Kit |  Come-Back Line Of The Year |  Duck Gears |
28-Jan-2021 |