A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn’t know what costume to wear
to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.
A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate’s outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head
and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he
writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note,
which says:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk’s habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with
your bald head, you will really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to
emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of
complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and a note which reads:
Dear Sir,
Please find the enclosed bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick
your wooden leg up your rear end and go as a caramel apple.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
Mind sees ghost when frightened and hopeless. - Toba Beta
Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative. - Judy Gold
Costumes and scenery alone will not attract audiences. - Anna Held
Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund
Graveyards were the one place Belladonna never saw ghosts. - Helen Stringer
The pumpkin is always oranger on the other side of the patch. - Unknown
I don't believe in ghosts but they blindly believe in me. - Amit Abraham
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield
A house with old furniture has no need of ghosts to be haunted. - Hope Mirrlees
I love the spirit of Halloween and the energy that comes with it. - Katharine McPhee
Nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night. - Steve Almond
A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. - Erma Bombeck
I'm not a real Halloween kind of guy, because Halloween is every day. - Al Jourgensen
The idea of dying and coming back is what makes the Halloween films work. - Donald Pleasence
We're all just ghosts on a wire seeking the prick of an electric thought. - Robert Fanney
When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam,
May luck be yours on Halloween. - Unknown
This poor pumpkin gave in to rot,
and all that's left is pumpkin snot. - Shirley Thomas
I love you more than pumpkin spice latte but please don't make me prove it! - Unknown
In one aspect, yes, I believe in ghosts, but we create them. We haunt ourselves. - Laurie H. Anderson
The people you love become ghosts inside of you, and like this you keep them alive. - Rob Montgomery
The ghosts of things that never happened are worse than the ghosts of things that did. - L.M. Montgomery
I actually have a stash of wigs for Halloween. But only for that. Not to play dress-up. - Alexa Vega
I get more distracted by hair or a really bad wig than I do costumes any day of the week. - Colleen Atwood
Monsters are real, and ghosts are real, too. They live inside us, and sometimes they win. - Stephen King
Maybe all the people who say ghosts don't exist are just afraid to admit that they do. - Michael Ende
Make pumpkin bread as the default gift for everyone. It is cheap, it is beloved, it is carbs. - Karen Bender
Being in a band you can wear whatever you want - it's like an excuse for Halloween every day. - Gwen Stefani
Ghosts have a way of misleading you; they can make your thoughts as heavy as branches after a storm. - Rebecca Maizel
Everything is for sale in Hollywood; the fairy tale, the costume, the pumpkin, the footman and the mice. - Amanda Eliasch
The pumpkin hearing, "Let's carve and scoop,"
Ran fast as he could, leaving pumpkin poop. - Shirley Thomas
I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?' - Drew Carey
The farther we've gotten from the magic and mystery of our past, the more we've come to need Halloween. - Paula Guran
The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies. - Neil Gaiman
I wouldn't describe myself as lacking in confidence, but I would say that the ghosts you chase you never catch. - John Malkovich
I was Ashallayn’darkmyr Tallyn, son of Mab, former prince of the Unseelie Court, and I was not afraid of a witch on a broom. - Julie Kagawa
It is good for a man to invite his ghosts into his warm interior, out of the wild night, into the firelight, out of the howling dark. - A.S. Byatt
Men are like pumpkins. It seems like all the good one are either taken or they've had everything scraped out of their heads with a spoon. - Unknown
All my life, I have been a celebrant of Halloween. For me, it is the most important day of the year, the turning point in the old pagan calendar. - John Burnside
I love the scents of winter! For me, it's all about the feeling you get when you smell pumpkin spice, cinnamon, nutmeg, gingerbread and spruce. - Taylor Swift
see also Clothing & Halloween Sections
Animal Halloween Costumes
Avoiding Stress In The Workplace
Bat Flying Blind
Bloodsucker Bank
Boo Who? Surprise, Surprise!
Coffin Attack
Cruise Nurse
Halloween Birth
Howloween
Pumpkin Art
Pumpkin Buns
Pumpkin Candy
 It's Too Cold To Ride Outside |  Ye Olde Simple Simon |  High Tensile Snow |  Target Entry |  Squirrel Feeder Trap |
 2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3) |  Florida Sewer Rat |  Crane Drop |  Special Touch |  Muscle Control |
 Selfie Stuck |  Organic Compromise |  Crab Collection |  Basketball Car |  Apathy Mountain |
24-Feb-2020 |