Atheist Professor

A college class was led by an atheist professor, and every day he’d stand in front of his class and say, “Have you ever seen God?” to which nobody would answer. Then he’d ask, “Have you ever felt God?” and nobody would answer. Finally he’d ask, “Have you ever heard God?” and, like the other times, nobody would answer. He then would say, “It is obvious that there is no God.” One day a Christian student had been having an extremely bad day: her car broke down, her mother was sick, her boyfriend was out of town, and she’d gotten a bad grade on one of her exams. She had been fed up with her professor’s little act every morning, so she decided to do something about it. While the professor stood up at the beginning of class and did his thing, the student had an idea. She got up and said, “Professor, would you mind if I said something?” He said, “Of course not. This is an expressive classroom, and I think it would be fine if you spoke your mind.” The girl said to the class, “Have you ever seen our professor’s brain?” and nobody answered. Then she asked, “Have you ever felt our professor’s brain?” and nobody answered. Finally she asked, “Have you ever heard our professor’s brain?” and, like the other times, nobody answered. She then said, “It is quite obvious that our professor has no brain.” QuotaBills A good example is the best sermon. - Unknown He was a wise man who invented God. - Plato There is no substitute for the Bible. - Henry Halley God created man, but I could do better. - Erma Bombeck Black holes are where God divided by zero. - Steven Wright That Meathead calls me a religious phonetic. - Archie Bunker We steal if we touch tomorrow. It is God's. - Henry Ward Beecher God cannot alter the past, though historians can. - Samuel Butler It is more difficult to praise rightly than to blame. - Thomas Fuller The day before me is fraught with God knows what horrors. - John Kennedy Toole If you want to give God a good laugh, tell Him your plans. - Yiddish Proverb A classic is a book which people praise and don't read. - Mark Twain I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created. - Donald Trump It is simpler and easier to flatter people than to praise them. - Jean Paul Richter God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with him. - Jim Elliot God is good to the Irish, but no one else is; not even the Irish. - Unknown Faith, to my mind, is a stiffening process, a sort of mental starch. - E.M. Forster Give me a couple of pages of the Bible, and I'll give you a picture. - Cecil B. DeMille Troubles are often the tools by which God fashions us for better things. - Henry Ward Beecher Whatever happens, abide steadfast in a determination to cling simply to God. - Francis de Sales Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology. - Jay Leno Thank God I've got eyebrows like bacon, because I've always got egg on my face. - Jarod Kintz Only priests and fools are fearless and I've never been on the best of terms with God. - Patrick Rothfuss An idea not coupled with action will never get any bigger than the brain cell it occupied. - Arnold H. Glasow I don't see anywhere in the Bible where it says you shouldn't get breast implants. - Carrie Prejean I always distrust people who know so much about what God wants them to do to their fellows. - Susan B Anthony Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. - Blaise Pascal God gives men wisdom as he gives them gold; his treasure house is not the mint, but the mine. - Arabic Proverb An author in his book must be like God in the universe: present everywhere and visible nowhere. - Gustave Flaubert If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. - Woody Allen You go to your TV to turn your brain off. You go to the computer when you want to turn your brain on. - Steve Jobs I realize the tragic significance of the atom bomb. We thank God it has come to us instead of our enemies. - Harry S Truman Sometimes a man just can't satisfy all of a woman's desires. Which is why God invented dental floss. - Unknown I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. - Emo Philips If you are going to sin, sin against God, not the bureaucracy. God will forgive you but the bureaucracy won't. - Hyman Rickover The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad. For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. - G K Chesterton As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. - Woody Allen From lessening negativity to boosting creativity, hiking in fresh air actually boosts brain power and can help certain parts of the brain grow. - Meredith Carey see also   Religious  Section Brain Logic Ain’t Peter's Place All Dogs Go To Heaven An Evening Prayer Autographed Copy Biblical Humour Breakable Postal Package Catch Up With Jesus Church Sign Generator Church Sign Messages Church Signs Da End Iss Near Daily Inspiration Day of Light and Darkness Dead Sea Fish Equal Rights Church For Your Synths God’s Little Instructions Golfing Nun Halo to the Holy Dog How To Tweet Others In-Spired Safety Tip Job Interview With God John The Baptist Souvenirs Letters to God - From Children New School Prayer Organ Donor Please Help My Car Rabbi Road Redneck Revenge Reformed Buddhists Superior Church The End Is Near The Eye of God The Very First King Size Bed Wash Away Sins With The Pope World’s Oldest Menorah Youth Pastor’s Last Speech   Redneck Muffler Repair Drama Queen Diary He Looks Just Like His Father! 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21-Feb-2020