Colorectal Surgeon Praise  Audio Clip

Watch out for Colorectal Surgeons – they’ll get you in the end!


We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.

We respect the Colorectal Surgeon
Miss a calling you would crave
Lift up your hands and join us -
Let’s all do the finger wave.

When it comes to spreading joy there are many techniques -
Some spread joy to the world, and others just spread cheeks;
Some may think the cardiologist is their best friend -
But the Colorectal Surgeon knows… he’ll get you in the end.

Why be a Colorectal Surgeon?
It’s one of those mysterious things…
Is it because in natural prescience
There are always openings?

When I first met a Colorectal Surgeon
He did not quite understand
I said, “Heh, it’s nice to meet you, but do you mind - we don’t shake hands.”

He sailed right through medical school because he was a whiz
Oh, but he never thought of psychology though he read passages…
A doctor he once had to be, for golf he loved to play –
But this is not quite what he meant – by 18 holes a day.

We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.



Thanks to the Canadian comedy duo Bowser and Blue

QuotaBills
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper

Gangrene: To be feeling sick - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

A canter is the cure for all evil. - Benjamin Disraeli

The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott

A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb

I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. - Danny Zuker

False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields

The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller

There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca

People who shop in health food stores never look healthy. - Amy Sedaris

I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan

The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

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Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb

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My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown

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Stories are memory aids, instruction manuals and moral compasses. - Aleks Krotoski

Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Warm Water Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh

Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. - Caryn Leschen

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard

The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee

Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

The world was made for the body. The body was made for the soul. And the soul was made for God. - Ravi Zacharias

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too. - Unknown

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body. - Donald Trump

You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Even if you don't have time for a big workout, stretching in the morning and night really changes your body. - Erin Heatherton

The soul is placed in the body like a rough diamond, and must be polished, or the luster of it will never appear. - Daniel Defoe

I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington

I had a job selling hearing aids from door to door. It wasn't easy, because your best prospects never answered. - Bob Monkhouse

The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow

Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry

It's a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. - Dave Barry

Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. - George Carlin

Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci

You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

There is a great difference between mind and body insomuch as body is by nature always divisible, and the mind is entirely indivisible. - Rene Descartes

The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet would be named Bush, Dick and Colon. - Kurt Vonnegut

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry

If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. - George S Patton

When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville


see also   Bad Gas  &  Doctor  Sections
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26-Jan-2021