We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.
We respect the Colorectal Surgeon
Miss a calling you would crave
Lift up your hands and join us -
Let’s all do the finger wave.
When it comes to spreading joy there are many techniques -
Some spread joy to the world, and others just spread cheeks;
Some may think the cardiologist is their best friend -
But the Colorectal Surgeon knows… he’ll get you in the end.
Why be a Colorectal Surgeon?
It’s one of those mysterious things…
Is it because in natural prescience
There are always openings?
When I first met a Colorectal Surgeon
He did not quite understand
I said, “Heh, it’s nice to meet you, but do you mind - we don’t shake hands.”
He sailed right through medical school because he was a whiz
Oh, but he never thought of psychology though he read passages…
A doctor he once had to be, for golf he loved to play –
But this is not quite what he meant – by 18 holes a day.
We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.
Thanks to the Canadian comedy duo Bowser and Blue
QuotaBills
see also Bad Gas & Doctor Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
German Flatulence Control
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch
Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley
I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel
I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. - Danny Zuker
I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde
Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter
Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan
The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
For broken dreams, the cure is dream again; and deeper. - C S Lewis
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton
A sweating ovary or a sick prostate explains most history. - Martin H. Fischer
I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan
The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton
If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans
Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb
There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
Warm Water Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat
Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
My body is like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't think about it, I just have it. - Arnold Schwarzenegger
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee
Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton
Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary. - Martin Luther
Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington
The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. - George Carlin
Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci
You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury
There is a great difference between mind and body insomuch as body is by nature always divisible, and the mind is entirely indivisible. - Rene Descartes
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry
If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise
I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch
Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley
I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel
I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. - Danny Zuker
I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde
Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter
Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan
The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
For broken dreams, the cure is dream again; and deeper. - C S Lewis
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton
A sweating ovary or a sick prostate explains most history. - Martin H. Fischer
I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan
The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton
If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans
Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb
There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
Warm Water Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat
Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
My body is like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't think about it, I just have it. - Arnold Schwarzenegger
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee
Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton
Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary. - Martin Luther
Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington
The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. - George Carlin
Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci
You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury
There is a great difference between mind and body insomuch as body is by nature always divisible, and the mind is entirely indivisible. - Rene Descartes
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry
If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise
I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
see also Bad Gas & Doctor Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
German Flatulence Control
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
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15-Apr-2021 |