We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.
We respect the Colorectal Surgeon
Miss a calling you would crave
Lift up your hands and join us -
Let’s all do the finger wave.
When it comes to spreading joy there are many techniques -
Some spread joy to the world, and others just spread cheeks;
Some may think the cardiologist is their best friend -
But the Colorectal Surgeon knows… he’ll get you in the end.
Why be a Colorectal Surgeon?
It’s one of those mysterious things…
Is it because in natural prescience
There are always openings?
When I first met a Colorectal Surgeon
He did not quite understand
I said, “Heh, it’s nice to meet you, but do you mind - we don’t shake hands.”
He sailed right through medical school because he was a whiz
Oh, but he never thought of psychology though he read passages…
A doctor he once had to be, for golf he loved to play –
But this is not quite what he meant – by 18 holes a day.
We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.
Thanks to the Canadian comedy duo Bowser and Blue
QuotaBills
see also Bad Gas & Doctor Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
German Flatulence Control
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
I told you I was sick. - B.P. Roberts
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken
Sickness soaks the purse. - International Proverb
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
Diabetes is caused by melancholy. - Thomas Willis
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott
Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown
I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb
The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison
Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown
Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
For broken dreams, the cure is dream again; and deeper. - C S Lewis
A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott
I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan
The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton
You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. - Bill Watterson
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer
The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears or the sea. - Isak Dinesen
Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Markus Herz
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown
Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day
Stories are memory aids, instruction manuals and moral compasses. - Aleks Krotoski
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E Leonard
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
Cookie: The standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau
It is not the body's posture, but the heart's attitude that counts when we pray. - Billy Graham
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. - Caryn Leschen
I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I
My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter
Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
The world was made for the body. The body was made for the soul. And the soul was made for God. - Ravi Zacharias
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton
I've always been independent. I've always had courage. But I didn't always own my diabetes. - Mary Tyler Moore
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body. - Donald Trump
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Consuming mushrooms regularly has been associated with decreased risk of breast, stomach and colorectal cancers. - Joel Fuhrman
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
Albert Schweitzer's philosophy is that a sick, miserable African of today can be a strong healthy cannibal tomorrow. - Joe E Lewis
One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
If you removed all the arteries, veins, and capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end... the person will die. - Neil deGrasse Tyson
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury
There is a great difference between mind and body insomuch as body is by nature always divisible, and the mind is entirely indivisible. - Rene Descartes
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown
Our food pyramid, the kind of diet that is constantly promoted, is completely warped. It's not based around anything to do with healing your body. - Jessica Origliasso
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken
Sickness soaks the purse. - International Proverb
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
Diabetes is caused by melancholy. - Thomas Willis
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott
Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown
I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb
The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison
Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown
Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
For broken dreams, the cure is dream again; and deeper. - C S Lewis
A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott
I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan
The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton
You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. - Bill Watterson
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer
The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears or the sea. - Isak Dinesen
Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Markus Herz
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown
Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day
Stories are memory aids, instruction manuals and moral compasses. - Aleks Krotoski
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E Leonard
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
Cookie: The standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau
It is not the body's posture, but the heart's attitude that counts when we pray. - Billy Graham
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. - Caryn Leschen
I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I
My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter
Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
The world was made for the body. The body was made for the soul. And the soul was made for God. - Ravi Zacharias
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton
I've always been independent. I've always had courage. But I didn't always own my diabetes. - Mary Tyler Moore
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body. - Donald Trump
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Consuming mushrooms regularly has been associated with decreased risk of breast, stomach and colorectal cancers. - Joel Fuhrman
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
Albert Schweitzer's philosophy is that a sick, miserable African of today can be a strong healthy cannibal tomorrow. - Joe E Lewis
One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
If you removed all the arteries, veins, and capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end... the person will die. - Neil deGrasse Tyson
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury
There is a great difference between mind and body insomuch as body is by nature always divisible, and the mind is entirely indivisible. - Rene Descartes
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown
Our food pyramid, the kind of diet that is constantly promoted, is completely warped. It's not based around anything to do with healing your body. - Jessica Origliasso
see also Bad Gas & Doctor Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
German Flatulence Control
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
 Pets Come First |  If You Need Space |  Economy Flight |  Redneck Hailstone Damage |  Wet Tents |
 Redneck Flu Shot |  Japanese Diving Platform |  All Mine |  Cat Swimming at the Olympics |  Yoga Food |
 Paint Room |  Beer Cheers |  Olympic Preparations |  Row Your Goat |  My Kind Of Exercise |
 Surround Sound for Babies |  Cemetery Protest |  Clean Senior Citizens |  Taco Bell Secret Seasoning |  Goodbye Tattoo |
01-Aug-2021 |