We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.
We respect the Colorectal Surgeon
Miss a calling you would crave
Lift up your hands and join us -
Let’s all do the finger wave.
When it comes to spreading joy there are many techniques -
Some spread joy to the world, and others just spread cheeks;
Some may think the cardiologist is their best friend -
But the Colorectal Surgeon knows… he’ll get you in the end.
Why be a Colorectal Surgeon?
It’s one of those mysterious things…
Is it because in natural prescience
There are always openings?
When I first met a Colorectal Surgeon
He did not quite understand
I said, “Heh, it’s nice to meet you, but do you mind - we don’t shake hands.”
He sailed right through medical school because he was a whiz
Oh, but he never thought of psychology though he read passages…
A doctor he once had to be, for golf he loved to play –
But this is not quite what he meant – by 18 holes a day.
We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.
Thanks to the Canadian comedy duo Bowser and Blue
QuotaBills
see also Bad Gas & Doctor Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
German Flatulence Control
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns
Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb
I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter
Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith
Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown
Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright
A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott
You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis
I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears or the sea. - Isak Dinesen
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown
Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx
I have the body of an eighteen-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E. Leonard
Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard
Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney
If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright
The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar
Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams
The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst
We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau
Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown
German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton
Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine
If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child
I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo
A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed
Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon
I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry
You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins
If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns
Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb
I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter
Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith
Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown
Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright
A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott
You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis
I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears or the sea. - Isak Dinesen
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown
Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx
I have the body of an eighteen-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E. Leonard
Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard
Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney
If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright
The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar
Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams
The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst
We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau
Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown
German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton
Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine
If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child
I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo
A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed
Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon
I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry
You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins
If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
see also Bad Gas & Doctor Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
German Flatulence Control
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
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