Colorectal Surgeon Praise  Audio Clip

Watch out for Colorectal Surgeons – they’ll get you in the end!


We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.

We respect the Colorectal Surgeon
Miss a calling you would crave
Lift up your hands and join us -
Let’s all do the finger wave.

When it comes to spreading joy there are many techniques -
Some spread joy to the world, and others just spread cheeks;
Some may think the cardiologist is their best friend -
But the Colorectal Surgeon knows… he’ll get you in the end.

Why be a Colorectal Surgeon?
It’s one of those mysterious things…
Is it because in natural prescience
There are always openings?

When I first met a Colorectal Surgeon
He did not quite understand
I said, “Heh, it’s nice to meet you, but do you mind - we don’t shake hands.”

He sailed right through medical school because he was a whiz
Oh, but he never thought of psychology though he read passages…
A doctor he once had to be, for golf he loved to play –
But this is not quite what he meant – by 18 holes a day.

We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.



Thanks to the Canadian comedy duo Bowser and Blue

QuotaBills
I told you I was sick. - B.P. Roberts

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper

Gangrene: To be feeling sick - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

Diabetes taught me discipline. - Sonia Sotomayor

Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch

Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale

Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day

There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E Leonard

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley

Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure. - Jane Austen

Cookie: The standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

My body is like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't think about it, I just have it. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith

My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston

Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio

A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. - Geoffrey Norman

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson

Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou

I've always been independent. I've always had courage. But I didn't always own my diabetes. - Mary Tyler Moore

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary. - Martin Luther

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

I had a job selling hearing aids from door to door. It wasn't easy, because your best prospects never answered. - Bob Monkhouse

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

It's a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. - Dave Barry

I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson

Albert Schweitzer's philosophy is that a sick, miserable African of today can be a strong healthy cannibal tomorrow. - Joe E Lewis

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz

We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone

Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp

When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin

When a woman puts on a heel, she has a different posture, a different attitude. She really stands up and has a consciousness of her body. - Christian Louboutin

Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon

Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield

You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins

Our food pyramid, the kind of diet that is constantly promoted, is completely warped. It's not based around anything to do with healing your body. - Jessica Origliasso


see also   Bad Gas  &  Doctor  Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
German Flatulence Control
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist

 

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29-Sep-2020