Colorectal Surgeon Praise  Audio Clip

Watch out for Colorectal Surgeons – they’ll get you in the end!


We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.

We respect the Colorectal Surgeon
Miss a calling you would crave
Lift up your hands and join us -
Let’s all do the finger wave.

When it comes to spreading joy there are many techniques -
Some spread joy to the world, and others just spread cheeks;
Some may think the cardiologist is their best friend -
But the Colorectal Surgeon knows… he’ll get you in the end.

Why be a Colorectal Surgeon?
It’s one of those mysterious things…
Is it because in natural prescience
There are always openings?

When I first met a Colorectal Surgeon
He did not quite understand
I said, “Heh, it’s nice to meet you, but do you mind - we don’t shake hands.”

He sailed right through medical school because he was a whiz
Oh, but he never thought of psychology though he read passages…
A doctor he once had to be, for golf he loved to play –
But this is not quite what he meant – by 18 holes a day.

We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.



Thanks to the Canadian comedy duo Bowser and Blue

QuotaBills
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard

Anatomical: Joe-ks about the body - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. - Danny Zuker

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb

Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller

Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott

People who shop in health food stores never look healthy. - Amy Sedaris

He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb

Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson

The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton

You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. - Bill Watterson

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard

Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb

In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett

Lake: Large body of water into which a kid will jump should his friends do so - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The police are not here to create disorder, they;re here to preserve disorder. - Richard J Daley

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

Age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. - Unknown

When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat

The cure for a broken heart is simple, my lady. A hot bath and a good night's sleep. - Margaret George

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde

The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber

Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

Diabetes is a great example whereby, giving the patient the tools, you can manage yourself very well. - Clayton Christensen

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary. - Martin Luther

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. - Alexander Pope

Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes

I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry

It's a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. - Dave Barry

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

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We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall

A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown

Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid

You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins

Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha

Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros

When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain

Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown

In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart

Our food pyramid, the kind of diet that is constantly promoted, is completely warped. It's not based around anything to do with healing your body. - Jessica Origliasso


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19-May-2022