We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.
We respect the Colorectal Surgeon
Miss a calling you would crave
Lift up your hands and join us -
Let’s all do the finger wave.
When it comes to spreading joy there are many techniques -
Some spread joy to the world, and others just spread cheeks;
Some may think the cardiologist is their best friend -
But the Colorectal Surgeon knows… he’ll get you in the end.
Why be a Colorectal Surgeon?
It’s one of those mysterious things…
Is it because in natural prescience
There are always openings?
When I first met a Colorectal Surgeon
He did not quite understand
I said, “Heh, it’s nice to meet you, but do you mind - we don’t shake hands.”
He sailed right through medical school because he was a whiz
Oh, but he never thought of psychology though he read passages…
A doctor he once had to be, for golf he loved to play –
But this is not quite what he meant – by 18 holes a day.
We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.
Thanks to the Canadian comedy duo Bowser and Blue
QuotaBills
see also Bad Gas & Doctor Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
German Flatulence Control
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard
Anatomical: Joe-ks about the body - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. - Danny Zuker
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields
The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott
People who shop in health food stores never look healthy. - Amy Sedaris
He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb
Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson
The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton
You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. - Bill Watterson
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard
Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb
In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
Lake: Large body of water into which a kid will jump should his friends do so - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The police are not here to create disorder, they;re here to preserve disorder. - Richard J Daley
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake
Age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. - Unknown
When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat
The cure for a broken heart is simple, my lady. A hot bath and a good night's sleep. - Margaret George
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley
We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman
Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber
Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall
Diabetes is a great example whereby, giving the patient the tools, you can manage yourself very well. - Clayton Christensen
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary. - Martin Luther
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. - Alexander Pope
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes
I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry
It's a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. - Dave Barry
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
Pride: 1. A disease that makes everyone sick but the one who has it; 2. Pride is what we have - vanity is what others have. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid
You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins
Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown
In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart
Our food pyramid, the kind of diet that is constantly promoted, is completely warped. It's not based around anything to do with healing your body. - Jessica Origliasso
Anatomical: Joe-ks about the body - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. - Danny Zuker
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields
The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott
People who shop in health food stores never look healthy. - Amy Sedaris
He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb
Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson
The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton
You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. - Bill Watterson
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard
Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb
In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
Lake: Large body of water into which a kid will jump should his friends do so - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The police are not here to create disorder, they;re here to preserve disorder. - Richard J Daley
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake
Age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. - Unknown
When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat
The cure for a broken heart is simple, my lady. A hot bath and a good night's sleep. - Margaret George
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley
We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman
Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber
Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall
Diabetes is a great example whereby, giving the patient the tools, you can manage yourself very well. - Clayton Christensen
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary. - Martin Luther
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. - Alexander Pope
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes
I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry
It's a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. - Dave Barry
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
Pride: 1. A disease that makes everyone sick but the one who has it; 2. Pride is what we have - vanity is what others have. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid
You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins
Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown
In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart
Our food pyramid, the kind of diet that is constantly promoted, is completely warped. It's not based around anything to do with healing your body. - Jessica Origliasso
see also Bad Gas & Doctor Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
German Flatulence Control
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
 Nighttime Graffiti |  Baby Formula |  Kid Suction |  Redneck Moving Truck |  Critter Control |
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19-May-2022 |