We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.
We respect the Colorectal Surgeon
Miss a calling you would crave
Lift up your hands and join us -
Let’s all do the finger wave.
When it comes to spreading joy there are many techniques -
Some spread joy to the world, and others just spread cheeks;
Some may think the cardiologist is their best friend -
But the Colorectal Surgeon knows… he’ll get you in the end.
Why be a Colorectal Surgeon?
It’s one of those mysterious things…
Is it because in natural prescience
There are always openings?
When I first met a Colorectal Surgeon
He did not quite understand
I said, “Heh, it’s nice to meet you, but do you mind - we don’t shake hands.”
He sailed right through medical school because he was a whiz
Oh, but he never thought of psychology though he read passages…
A doctor he once had to be, for golf he loved to play –
But this is not quite what he meant – by 18 holes a day.
We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.
Thanks to the Canadian comedy duo Bowser and Blue
QuotaBills
see also Bad Gas & Doctor Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
German Flatulence Control
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins
Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch
Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost
I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura
There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
There is no cure for death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca
The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton
If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn
Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome
Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg
Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker
Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar
In these times, God's people must trust him for rest of body and soul. - David Wilkerson
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown
My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley
Warm Water Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx
We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau
Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans
To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. - Caryn Leschen
We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann
I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I
I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker
Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown
The world was made for the body. The body was made for the soul. And the soul was made for God. - Ravi Zacharias
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
Consuming mushrooms regularly has been associated with decreased risk of breast, stomach and colorectal cancers. - Joel Fuhrman
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci
You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon
We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan
Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible
I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown
In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart
I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins
Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch
Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost
I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura
There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
There is no cure for death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca
The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton
If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn
Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome
Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg
Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker
Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar
In these times, God's people must trust him for rest of body and soul. - David Wilkerson
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown
My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley
Warm Water Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx
We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau
Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans
To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. - Caryn Leschen
We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann
I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I
I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker
Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown
The world was made for the body. The body was made for the soul. And the soul was made for God. - Ravi Zacharias
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
Consuming mushrooms regularly has been associated with decreased risk of breast, stomach and colorectal cancers. - Joel Fuhrman
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci
You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon
We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan
Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible
I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown
In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart
see also Bad Gas & Doctor Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
German Flatulence Control
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
 Train Boat |  Yarn Bombing a Bus |  Canned Art |  Bubble Boy |  High Wire Bear Feeder |
 Manitoba Thunderstorm |  Watermelon Shark |  Curses, Foiled Again |  Recipe Holder |  Where Do You Want To Eat? |
 Pick Up After Your Dogs! |  Lego Bridge |  Falls Trail Tree |  Melting Kayak |  Beetle Collection |
 Croc Diet |  Plane Restaurant |  Holiday Fun |  Sandwich Shoes |  Fearless |
06-Jul-2020 |