We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.
We respect the Colorectal Surgeon
Miss a calling you would crave
Lift up your hands and join us -
Let’s all do the finger wave.
When it comes to spreading joy there are many techniques -
Some spread joy to the world, and others just spread cheeks;
Some may think the cardiologist is their best friend -
But the Colorectal Surgeon knows… he’ll get you in the end.
Why be a Colorectal Surgeon?
It’s one of those mysterious things…
Is it because in natural prescience
There are always openings?
When I first met a Colorectal Surgeon
He did not quite understand
I said, “Heh, it’s nice to meet you, but do you mind - we don’t shake hands.”
He sailed right through medical school because he was a whiz
Oh, but he never thought of psychology though he read passages…
A doctor he once had to be, for golf he loved to play –
But this is not quite what he meant – by 18 holes a day.
We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.
Thanks to the Canadian comedy duo Bowser and Blue
QuotaBills
see also Bad Gas & Doctor Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
German Flatulence Control
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet
I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley
I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel
I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith
Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields
As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura
Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca
Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears or the sea. - Isak Dinesen
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown
I have the body of an eighteen-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E. Leonard
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg
Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker
There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst
We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau
Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans
To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller
Diabetes is a great example whereby, giving the patient the tools, you can manage yourself very well. - Clayton Christensen
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine
An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten
Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee
If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes
I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo
A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry
If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise
I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet
I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley
I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel
I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith
Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields
As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura
Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca
Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears or the sea. - Isak Dinesen
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown
I have the body of an eighteen-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E. Leonard
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg
Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker
There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst
We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau
Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans
To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller
Diabetes is a great example whereby, giving the patient the tools, you can manage yourself very well. - Clayton Christensen
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine
An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten
Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee
If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes
I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo
A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry
If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise
I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
see also Bad Gas & Doctor Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
German Flatulence Control
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
 Car Wrecker |  Redneck Faucet |  Feather Cleaning |  Ice Hockey Meltdown |  Tough Love |
 Easter Island |  Flood Bridge |  Don't Count On It |  Upended Water Buffalo |  2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3) |
 Face Heater |  Leap Year Shirt |  World's Greatest Typo |  Icehenge |  Found It! |
 Puma Pants |  Polar Bear Attack |  Foot Sign Language |  Winter Tires |  Hooters Face Mask |
27-Feb-2020 |