Fix The Outhouse, Pa!

How Ma knows it’s time for repair


Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, “Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!”

Pa replies, “There ain’t nuthin wrong with the outhouse.”

Ma yells back, “Yes there is, now git out there and fix it.”

So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, “Ma! There ain’t nuthin wrong with the outhouse!”

Ma replies, “Stick yur head in the hole!”

Pa yells back, “I ain’t stickin my head in that hole!”

Ma says, “Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix.”

So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, “Ma! There ain’t nuthin wrong with this outhouse!”

Ma hollers back, “Now take your head out of the hole!”

Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, “Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!”

To which Ma replies, “Hurts, don’t it?”


QuotaBills
Asphalt: Rectum trouble. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Vaccination: An ouch of prevention - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker

I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly

Can you fix my husband? He says he's broke. - Unknown

Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V

Igloo: 1. An icicle built for two; 2. An Alaskan toilet. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder

The person who broke you can't be the one to fix you. - Unknown

Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper. - Daphne Zuniga

Like toilet paper, laughter is in short supply these days. - Phil Callaway

What a beautiful fix we are in now; peace has been declared. - Napoleon Bonaparte

The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley

Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown

Hod: (Southern) Not easy. Usage: 'A broken hot is hod to fix.' - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Cash Flow: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

High school is a lot like toilet paper: you only miss it when it's gone. - Unknown

The Italians have had 2,000 years to fix up the Forum and just look at the place! - P.J. O'Rourke

When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell

I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco

France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper. - Billy Wilder

I wish I were a little girl again because skinned knees are easier to fix than a broken heart. - Julia Roberts

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

Rectitude: The formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it. - Unknown

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood

Some habits of ineffectiveness are rooted in our social conditioning toward quick-fix, short-term thinking. - Stephen Covey

I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw

If you can't even acknowledge that you have to fix social security, that's not a very good starting point. - Rob Portman

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose - a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye. - Mary Shelley

I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair

Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke


see also   Bad Gas,  Bathroom  &   Redneck  Sections
Farmer’s Hole
Fix It Later Detour

 

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26-Jun-2022