Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, “Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!”
Pa replies, “There ain’t nuthin wrong with the outhouse.”
Ma yells back, “Yes there is, now git out there and fix it.”
So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, “Ma! There ain’t nuthin wrong with the outhouse!”
Ma replies, “Stick yur head in the hole!”
Pa yells back, “I ain’t stickin my head in that hole!”
Ma says, “Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix.”
So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, “Ma! There ain’t nuthin wrong with this outhouse!”
Ma hollers back, “Now take your head out of the hole!”
Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, “Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!”
To which Ma replies, “Hurts, don’t it?”
Vaccination: An ouch of prevention - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker
Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen
I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly
Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V
You can't fix stupid - not even with duct tape. - Unknown
I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia
Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper. - Daphne Zuniga
What a beautiful fix we are in now; peace has been declared. - Napoleon Bonaparte
The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley
There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini
That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson
I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald
Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino
Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown
My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector
High school is a lot like toilet paper: you only miss it when it's gone. - Unknown
When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell
You can't fix things with a hug, but you can't make them any worse, either. - Dean Koontz
I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco
At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima
France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper. - Billy Wilder
I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope
Music Lover: A man, who upon hearing a soprano in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Jitterbug: 1. A Scotchman in front of a pay toilet; 2. Insect that's had too much coffee. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I wish I were a little girl again because skinned knees are easier to fix than a broken heart. - Julia Roberts
Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon
I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail
I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer
If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno
For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones
Rectitude: The formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I blend my green drink every morning. I also fix my son a full-on American breakfast with bacon and toast. - Liz Phair
I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck
Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose - a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye. - Mary Shelley
I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner
Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke
My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle
The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker
Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen
I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly
Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V
You can't fix stupid - not even with duct tape. - Unknown
I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia
Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper. - Daphne Zuniga
What a beautiful fix we are in now; peace has been declared. - Napoleon Bonaparte
The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley
There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini
That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson
I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald
Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino
Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown
My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector
High school is a lot like toilet paper: you only miss it when it's gone. - Unknown
When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell
You can't fix things with a hug, but you can't make them any worse, either. - Dean Koontz
I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco
At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima
France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper. - Billy Wilder
I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope
Music Lover: A man, who upon hearing a soprano in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Jitterbug: 1. A Scotchman in front of a pay toilet; 2. Insect that's had too much coffee. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I wish I were a little girl again because skinned knees are easier to fix than a broken heart. - Julia Roberts
Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon
I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail
I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer
If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno
For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones
Rectitude: The formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I blend my green drink every morning. I also fix my son a full-on American breakfast with bacon and toast. - Liz Phair
I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck
Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose - a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye. - Mary Shelley
I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner
Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke
My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle
see also Bad Gas, Bathroom & Redneck Sections
Farmer’s Hole
Fix It Later Detour
 Graduation Swag |  U.S. Millionaires |  How To Save NASA |  Computer Travelers |  Virtual Air Canada |
 Jockey Racing |  'Pier' Pressure |  Canadian Coat Of Arms |  On The Eighth Day |  Texas Bakery |
 Moto Lawnmower |  Pothole Garden |  Alaskan Summer |  Canadian Fast Food - Summer |  Where is Waldo? |
01-Jul-2020 |