Fix The Outhouse, Pa!

How Ma knows it’s time for repair


Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, “Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!”

Pa replies, “There ain’t nuthin wrong with the outhouse.”

Ma yells back, “Yes there is, now git out there and fix it.”

So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, “Ma! There ain’t nuthin wrong with the outhouse!”

Ma replies, “Stick yur head in the hole!”

Pa yells back, “I ain’t stickin my head in that hole!”

Ma says, “Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix.”

So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, “Ma! There ain’t nuthin wrong with this outhouse!”

Ma hollers back, “Now take your head out of the hole!”

Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, “Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!”

To which Ma replies, “Hurts, don’t it?”


QuotaBills
Vaccination: An ouch of prevention - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut

The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly

Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V

You can't fix stupid - not even with duct tape. - Unknown

I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia

I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder

What a beautiful fix we are in now; peace has been declared. - Napoleon Bonaparte

That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper. - Rex Reed

Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown

Hod: (Southern) Not easy. Usage: 'A broken hot is hod to fix.' - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector

I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart

High school is a lot like toilet paper: you only miss it when it's gone. - Unknown

The Italians have had 2,000 years to fix up the Forum and just look at the place! - P.J. O'Rourke

You can't fix things with a hug, but you can't make them any worse, either. - Dean Koontz

France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper. - Billy Wilder

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope

Music Lover: A man, who upon hearing a soprano in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Jitterbug: 1. A Scotchman in front of a pay toilet; 2. Insect that's had too much coffee. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I wish I were a little girl again because skinned knees are easier to fix than a broken heart. - Julia Roberts

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it. - Unknown

I blend my green drink every morning. I also fix my son a full-on American breakfast with bacon and toast. - Liz Phair

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

Some habits of ineffectiveness are rooted in our social conditioning toward quick-fix, short-term thinking. - Stephen Covey

I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw

If you can't even acknowledge that you have to fix social security, that's not a very good starting point. - Rob Portman

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair

Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle


see also   Bad Gas,  Bathroom  &   Redneck  Sections
Farmer’s Hole
Fix It Later Detour

 

Worn Brakes

Apprentice Auto Body Shop

Moving Level Pro

Redneck Muffler Repair

Eggsellent Bike

Prairie Bear

Clinton Greeting

Halloween Flashers

Saying Pun

Redneck Blinds

Kid Disposal

Motorvation

Electric Football

Montgomery Ward 1934 Christmas Catalog

Halloween Lamp
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24-Oct-2020