Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, “Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!” Asphalt: Rectum trouble. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com Vaccination: An ouch of prevention - Daffynitions joe-ks.com The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly Can you fix my husband? He says he's broke. - Unknown Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V Igloo: 1. An icicle built for two; 2. An Alaskan toilet. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder The person who broke you can't be the one to fix you. - Unknown Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper. - Daphne Zuniga Like toilet paper, laughter is in short supply these days. - Phil Callaway What a beautiful fix we are in now; peace has been declared. - Napoleon Bonaparte The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown Hod: (Southern) Not easy. Usage: 'A broken hot is hod to fix.' - Daffynitions joe-ks.com Cash Flow: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet - Daffynitions joe-ks.com High school is a lot like toilet paper: you only miss it when it's gone. - Unknown The Italians have had 2,000 years to fix up the Forum and just look at the place! - P.J. O'Rourke When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper. - Billy Wilder I wish I were a little girl again because skinned knees are easier to fix than a broken heart. - Julia Roberts Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno Rectitude: The formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you - Daffynitions joe-ks.com Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it. - Unknown You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood Some habits of ineffectiveness are rooted in our social conditioning toward quick-fix, short-term thinking. - Stephen Covey I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw If you can't even acknowledge that you have to fix social security, that's not a very good starting point. - Rob Portman The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose - a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye. - Mary Shelley I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke see also Bad Gas, Bathroom & Redneck Sections Farmer’s Hole Fix It Later Detour |
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