Lawyer’s Valentine Gift

Soliciting lawyer taking care of business


A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.

The man says, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ’Guess who?’ ”

“But why?”

“I’m a divorce lawyer.”


QuotaBills
Divorce: fission after fusion. - Rita Mae Brown

Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. - Will Rogers

A good lawyer is a bad neighbor. - French Proverb

Lawsuits: Clothes worn by an attorney - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The good lawyer is the great salesman. - Janet Reno

Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer. - Robert Louis Stevenson

What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator. - Marvin Lebman

Valentine's Day is the poet's holiday. - Ted Kooser

Heartbreak is a loss. Divorce is a piece of paper. - Taylor J Reid

Lawyer: One skilled in the circumvention of the law. - Ambrose Bierce

Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe Defries

It is an ill cause that the lawyer thinks shame o'. - John Ray

The power of the lawyer is in the uncertainty of the law. - Jeremy Bentham

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I've never been in love. I've always been a lawyer. - Unknown

Valentine hearts beat more passionately than everyday hearts. - Unknown

A town that cannot support one lawyer can always support two. - Lyndon Baines Johnson

A lawyer's opinion is worth nothing unless it is paid for. - Unknown

Real Estate: What your house is called during divorce proceedings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I think we may class the lawyer in the natural history of monsters. - John Keats

My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield

A lawyer is an odd sort of fish, first rotten, then green, then ripe. - Robert Christy

A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. - Mario Puzo

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day. - Jay Leno

He who will always be his own lawyer will often have a fool for a client. - J Hunter

Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet. - Santosh Kalwar

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields

I'm not upset about my divorce. I'm only upset I'm not a widow. - Roseanne Barr

She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash. - Milton Berle

It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz

Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. - Christopher Plummer

I'm like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone. - Susie Bright

A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

A jury consists of twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer. - Robert Frost

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Stock Split: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy. - Milton Berle

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th. - David Letterman

A lawyer is a gentleman that rescues your estate from your enemies and then keeps it to himself. - Henry P Brougham

There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy. - Goldie Hawn

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle

Why buy flowers for Valentine's Day? Just go to a cemetery and collect a dozen off a few graves. - Jarod Kintz

In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty per cent of publicity. - Lauren Bacall

The thing about Valentine's day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of. - Faye Morgan

When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce. - Woody Allen

Why don't you ever hear of a lawyer getting attacked by a shark at the beach? Professional courtesy. - Thomas F Shubnell

The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. - Will Rogers

Valentine's Day: Rubbing singles' noses in their lack of a mate and the noses of couples in their lack of time. - Emma McLaughlin

Now we got a lawyer, we got civilization, which I understand to mean that a man has a chance to get rich without working. - Sinclair Lewis

What's the first excellence in a lawyer? Tautology. What's the second? Tautology. What's the third? Tautology. - Richard Steele

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle

Honest and peace-loving people shun the Courts and are prepared to suffer loss rather than fall into a Lawyer's clutches. - Peter De Noronha

Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp

Judge: 1. A law student who marks his own examination papers; 2. A lawyer who once knew a politician; 3. A man in a trying position. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson

A lawyer's performance in the courtroom is responsible for about 25 percent of the outcome; the remaining 75 percent depends on the facts. - Melvin Belli

This Valentine's Day rent a poem for your loved. They come in three sizes - small, medium, and romantic. Free refills available to Premium Members. - Jarod Kintz

There is not better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth. - Jean Giraudoux

My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, "Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul." That's just like her. She kept the good parts for herself. - Milton Berle

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. - Jack Benny

Whether you're a homemaker or a schoolteacher, a lawyer or a doctor, a news anchor or an aerobics instructor, everyone is conducting business each and every day. - Donald Trump

The minister sees them half undressed; the doctor sees them naked. They lie to the minister; they masquerade before the lawyer; they cannot deceive the discerning physician. - Martin H. Fischer

Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still hope for Ike and Tina Turner. - Jay Leno

There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it. - WC Fields

Valentine's Day is when stores and restaurants get rich, men get lucky, and women fill their pretty faces with chocolate and put up with their man for six seconds at the end of the night. - Unknown

As a peacemaker the lawyer has a superior opportunity of being a good man. There will still be business enough. Never stir up litigation. A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this. - Abraham Lincoln


see also   Lawyer  &  Valentine   Sections
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Flower Shop For Men
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Looking For Your Wife?
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Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
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05-Jul-2022