A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man
standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink
envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and
starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks
him what he is doing.
The man says, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ’Guess who?’ ”
“But why?”
“I’m a divorce lawyer.”
Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. - Will Rogers
A good lawyer is a bad neighbor. - French Proverb
The good lawyer is the great salesman. - Janet Reno
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. - Charles Lamb
A lawyer and a cart wheel must be greased. - John R Beard
What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator. - Marvin Lebman
Don't marry for money; divorce for money. - Wendy Liebman
Valentine's Day is the poet's holiday. - Ted Kooser
Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe Defries
It is an ill cause that the lawyer thinks shame o'. - John Ray
The power of the lawyer is in the uncertainty of the law. - Jeremy Bentham
He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
I've never been in love. I've always been a lawyer. - Unknown
A lawyer's opinion is worth nothing unless it is paid for. - Unknown
Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce. - Milton Berle
Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January. - Jim Gaffigan
How many lawyer jokes are there? One, the rest are true stories. - Thomas F Shubnell
My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield
A lawyer is an odd sort of fish, first rotten, then green, then ripe. - Robert Christy
Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day. - Jay Leno
Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet. - Santosh Kalwar
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields
I'm not upset about my divorce. I'm only upset I'm not a widow. - Roseanne Barr
Valentine's Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot. - Milton Berle
She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash. - Milton Berle
Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. - Christopher Plummer
I'm like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone. - Susie Bright
A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray
Time is money, especially when you're talking to a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe-kster
All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle
A jury consists of twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer. - Robert Frost
If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway
It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb
To the romantic soul, the rituals of Valentine's Day echo every day of the year. - Richelle E. Goodrich
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet. - Robin Williams
My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez
Divorce = Rebirth: forget the past, replan your life, improve your appearance & rejuvenate! - Rossana Condoleo
Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle
The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy. - Milton Berle
A lawyer is a gentleman that rescues your estate from your enemies and then keeps it to himself. - Henry P Brougham
There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy. - Goldie Hawn
My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle
Why buy flowers for Valentine's Day? Just go to a cemetery and collect a dozen off a few graves. - Jarod Kintz
In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty per cent of publicity. - Lauren Bacall
The thing about Valentine's day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of. - Faye Morgan
Why don't you ever hear of a lawyer getting attacked by a shark at the beach? Professional courtesy. - Thomas F Shubnell
I don't want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do. I hire one to tell me how to do what I want to do. - J P Morgan
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
A lawyer's duty is to read the law well himself, then tell the people what it is, and let them act upon it. - Brigham Young
The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. - Will Rogers
Valentine's Day: Rubbing singles' noses in their lack of a mate and the noses of couples in their lack of time. - Emma McLaughlin
Now we got a lawyer, we got civilization, which I understand to mean that a man has a chance to get rich without working. - Sinclair Lewis
What's the first excellence in a lawyer? Tautology. What's the second? Tautology. What's the third? Tautology. - Richard Steele
It is the business of a lawyer to find a hole to creep out of any law that is in his way; and if there is no hole, to make one. - W Ouseley
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle
A lawyer's performance in the courtroom is responsible for about 25 percent of the outcome; the remaining 75 percent depends on the facts. - Melvin Belli
This Valentine's Day rent a poem for your loved. They come in three sizes - small, medium, and romantic. Free refills available to Premium Members. - Jarod Kintz
A lawyer, that entangles all men's honesties
And lives like a spider in a cobweb lurking,
And catching at all flies that pass his pitfalls. - Francis Beaumont
My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, "Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul." That's just like her. She kept the good parts for herself. - Milton Berle
Whether you're a homemaker or a schoolteacher, a lawyer or a doctor, a news anchor or an aerobics instructor, everyone is conducting business each and every day. - Donald Trump
Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still hope for Ike and Tina Turner. - Jay Leno
Hollywood wanted to change my birthdate. I was born after Valentine's Day, so they wanted to change it to February 14. A Latin lover should be born on Valentine's Day. I said no. - Cesar Romero
I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. - Unknown
There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it. - WC Fields
As a peacemaker the lawyer has a superior opportunity of being a good man. There will still be business enough. Never stir up litigation. A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this. - Abraham Lincoln
A good lawyer is a bad neighbor. - French Proverb
The good lawyer is the great salesman. - Janet Reno
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. - Charles Lamb
A lawyer and a cart wheel must be greased. - John R Beard
What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator. - Marvin Lebman
Don't marry for money; divorce for money. - Wendy Liebman
Valentine's Day is the poet's holiday. - Ted Kooser
Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe Defries
It is an ill cause that the lawyer thinks shame o'. - John Ray
The power of the lawyer is in the uncertainty of the law. - Jeremy Bentham
He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
I've never been in love. I've always been a lawyer. - Unknown
A lawyer's opinion is worth nothing unless it is paid for. - Unknown
Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce. - Milton Berle
Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January. - Jim Gaffigan
How many lawyer jokes are there? One, the rest are true stories. - Thomas F Shubnell
My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield
A lawyer is an odd sort of fish, first rotten, then green, then ripe. - Robert Christy
Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day. - Jay Leno
Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet. - Santosh Kalwar
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields
I'm not upset about my divorce. I'm only upset I'm not a widow. - Roseanne Barr
Valentine's Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot. - Milton Berle
She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash. - Milton Berle
Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. - Christopher Plummer
I'm like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone. - Susie Bright
A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray
Time is money, especially when you're talking to a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe-kster
All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle
A jury consists of twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer. - Robert Frost
If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway
It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb
To the romantic soul, the rituals of Valentine's Day echo every day of the year. - Richelle E. Goodrich
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet. - Robin Williams
My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez
Divorce = Rebirth: forget the past, replan your life, improve your appearance & rejuvenate! - Rossana Condoleo
Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle
The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy. - Milton Berle
A lawyer is a gentleman that rescues your estate from your enemies and then keeps it to himself. - Henry P Brougham
There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy. - Goldie Hawn
My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle
Why buy flowers for Valentine's Day? Just go to a cemetery and collect a dozen off a few graves. - Jarod Kintz
In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty per cent of publicity. - Lauren Bacall
The thing about Valentine's day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of. - Faye Morgan
Why don't you ever hear of a lawyer getting attacked by a shark at the beach? Professional courtesy. - Thomas F Shubnell
I don't want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do. I hire one to tell me how to do what I want to do. - J P Morgan
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
A lawyer's duty is to read the law well himself, then tell the people what it is, and let them act upon it. - Brigham Young
The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. - Will Rogers
Valentine's Day: Rubbing singles' noses in their lack of a mate and the noses of couples in their lack of time. - Emma McLaughlin
Now we got a lawyer, we got civilization, which I understand to mean that a man has a chance to get rich without working. - Sinclair Lewis
What's the first excellence in a lawyer? Tautology. What's the second? Tautology. What's the third? Tautology. - Richard Steele
It is the business of a lawyer to find a hole to creep out of any law that is in his way; and if there is no hole, to make one. - W Ouseley
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle
A lawyer's performance in the courtroom is responsible for about 25 percent of the outcome; the remaining 75 percent depends on the facts. - Melvin Belli
This Valentine's Day rent a poem for your loved. They come in three sizes - small, medium, and romantic. Free refills available to Premium Members. - Jarod Kintz
A lawyer, that entangles all men's honesties
And lives like a spider in a cobweb lurking,
And catching at all flies that pass his pitfalls. - Francis Beaumont
My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, "Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul." That's just like her. She kept the good parts for herself. - Milton Berle
Whether you're a homemaker or a schoolteacher, a lawyer or a doctor, a news anchor or an aerobics instructor, everyone is conducting business each and every day. - Donald Trump
Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still hope for Ike and Tina Turner. - Jay Leno
Hollywood wanted to change my birthdate. I was born after Valentine's Day, so they wanted to change it to February 14. A Latin lover should be born on Valentine's Day. I said no. - Cesar Romero
I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. - Unknown
There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it. - WC Fields
As a peacemaker the lawyer has a superior opportunity of being a good man. There will still be business enough. Never stir up litigation. A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this. - Abraham Lincoln
see also Lawyer & Valentine Sections
A Woman’s Mind
Childhood Romance
“Female Speak” Translation
Flower Shop For Men
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
Valentine’s Day Dinner
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20-Sep-2020 |