HAGS Disease

How to handle communicable diseases


A man goes into the Doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the Doctor calls him into his office and says, “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.”

“What is HAGS?” the man asks.

“It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis,” says the Doctor.

“Oh no!” says the man. “What are you going to do?”

“We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza.”

“Is that going to help me,” says the man.

“No,” says the Doctor. “But it’s the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door.”


QuotaBills
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb

Borscht: Beet soup with high blood pressure - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Disease is the retribution of outraged nature. - Hosea Ballou

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny

Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

About half my time is spent on business operation type stuff. - Mark Zuckerberg

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind. - Albert Einstein

Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

After exercising I always eat pizza... just kidding. I don't exercise. - Unknown

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

An ugly woman is a disease of the stomach; a handsome woman a disease of the head. - Italian Proverb

If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

Not enough people know what Lyme disease is and the dangers of being bitten by an insect. - Gigi Hadid

As it takes two to make a quarrel, so it takes two to make a disease, the microbe and its host. - Charles V. Chapin

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

I know runners who have suffered a tick bite and ended up with Lyme disease. I'll take an angry moose any day. - Don Kardong

I had a job selling hearing aids from door to door. It wasn't easy, because your best prospects never answered. - Bob Monkhouse

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular. - Jay Leno

Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles

My daily diet consists of basically anything I think looks tasty, whether that's pizza, sushi, burgers, quesadillas. I like everything. - Cameron Dallas

Hastiness and superficiality are the psychic diseases of the 20th century, and more than anywhere else this disease is reflected in the press. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman


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16-May-2022