HAGS Disease

How to handle communicable diseases


A man goes into the Doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the Doctor calls him into his office and says, “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.”

“What is HAGS?” the man asks.

“It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis,” says the Doctor.

“Oh no!” says the man. “What are you going to do?”

“We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza.”

“Is that going to help me,” says the man.

“No,” says the Doctor. “But it’s the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door.”


QuotaBills
Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Love is a grave mental disease. - Plato

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb

The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard

For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb

False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease. - Bill Maher

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

Surgeon: The person who was a cut-up at medical school - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

About half my time is spent on business operation type stuff. - Mark Zuckerberg

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

Save one life, you're a hero. Save 100 lives, you're a nurse. - Unknown

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

You may know the intractability of a disease by its long list of remedies. - Alonzo Clark

When it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain. - Graham Norton

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

The number one disease of business leaders in North America is procrastination. - Napoleon Hill

Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray

When you’re a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours. - Unknown

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

I know runners who have suffered a tick bite and ended up with Lyme disease. I'll take an angry moose any day. - Don Kardong

I welcome him like I welcome cold sores. He's from England, he's angry, and he's got Mad Power Disease. - Paula Abdul

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden

It is unthinkable for a Frenchman to arrive at middle age without having syphilis and the Cross of the Legion of Honor. - Andre Gide

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

I like to eat pizza and spaghetti pomodoro, and I'm crazy for dessert. I like all of them: cassata, cheesecake, biscuits. - Stefano Gabbana

Nobody can think straight who does not work. Idleness warps the mind. Thinking without constructive action becomes a disease. - Henry Ford

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles


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19-Oct-2021