A man goes into the Doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the Doctor calls him into his office and says, “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.” Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb Stories are memory aids, instruction manuals and moral compasses. - Aleks Krotoski My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes You may know the intractability of a disease by its long list of remedies. - Alonzo Clark When it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain. - Graham Norton When a lot of remedies are suggested for a disease, that means it cannot be cured. - Anton Chekhov The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker If you love something set it free, but don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes. - Chuck Palahniuk Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease. - William Osler Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. - Bill Bryson We cannot embrace God's forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds and nursing old grudges. - T D Jakes The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer Asthma is a disease that has practically the same symptoms as passion except that with asthma it lasts longer. - Unknown Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson I don't really drink sodas, but when I have popcorn or pizza I need a little. It's the perfect combination. - Alessandra Ambrosio Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart see also Doctor & Medical Sections Do You Have An HMO? Ebola Diet Redneck Flu Shot |
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