A man goes into the Doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the Doctor calls him into his office and says, “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.”
“What is HAGS?” the man asks.
“It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis,” says the Doctor.
“Oh no!” says the man. “What are you going to do?”
“We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza.”
“Is that going to help me,” says the man.
“No,” says the Doctor. “But it’s the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door.”
Astrology is a disease, not a science. - Maimonides
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman
About half my time is spent on business operation type stuff. - Mark Zuckerberg
Fine art and pizza delivery: what we do falls neatly in between. - David Letterman
Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Stories are memory aids, instruction manuals and moral compasses. - Aleks Krotoski
Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
You may know the intractability of a disease by its long list of remedies. - Alonzo Clark
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
The number one disease of business leaders in North America is procrastination. - Napoleon Hill
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
Equine Influenza: A viral respiratory disease which causes flu-like symptoms in horses - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Disease is war with the laws of our being, and all war, as a great general has said, is hell. - Lewis G. Janes
Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold
As it takes two to make a quarrel, so it takes two to make a disease, the microbe and its host. - Charles V. Chapin
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
Viewed from the summit of reason, all life looks like a malignant disease and the world like a madhouse. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
I think I have a disease called spontaneous disclosure. I need to tell everyone my life story instantaneously. - Kelly Ripa
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
I had a job selling hearing aids from door to door. It wasn't easy, because your best prospects never answered. - Bob Monkhouse
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
Menopause is thicker than water. When we talk and laugh about it, we learn and relax. It's a life transition, not a disease. - Unknown
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman
About half my time is spent on business operation type stuff. - Mark Zuckerberg
Fine art and pizza delivery: what we do falls neatly in between. - David Letterman
Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Stories are memory aids, instruction manuals and moral compasses. - Aleks Krotoski
Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
You may know the intractability of a disease by its long list of remedies. - Alonzo Clark
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
The number one disease of business leaders in North America is procrastination. - Napoleon Hill
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
Equine Influenza: A viral respiratory disease which causes flu-like symptoms in horses - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Disease is war with the laws of our being, and all war, as a great general has said, is hell. - Lewis G. Janes
Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold
As it takes two to make a quarrel, so it takes two to make a disease, the microbe and its host. - Charles V. Chapin
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
Viewed from the summit of reason, all life looks like a malignant disease and the world like a madhouse. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
I think I have a disease called spontaneous disclosure. I need to tell everyone my life story instantaneously. - Kelly Ripa
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
I had a job selling hearing aids from door to door. It wasn't easy, because your best prospects never answered. - Bob Monkhouse
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
Menopause is thicker than water. When we talk and laugh about it, we learn and relax. It's a life transition, not a disease. - Unknown
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart
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