A man goes into the Doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the Doctor calls him into his office and says, “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.”
“What is HAGS?” the man asks.
“It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis,” says the Doctor.
“Oh no!” says the man. “What are you going to do?”
“We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza.”
“Is that going to help me,” says the man.
“No,” says the Doctor. “But it’s the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door.”
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken
Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
Stories are memory aids, instruction manuals and moral compasses. - Aleks Krotoski
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
You may know the intractability of a disease by its long list of remedies. - Alonzo Clark
When it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain. - Graham Norton
When a lot of remedies are suggested for a disease, that means it cannot be cured. - Anton Chekhov
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker
If you love something set it free, but don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes. - Chuck Palahniuk
Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease. - William Osler
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. - Bill Bryson
We cannot embrace God's forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds and nursing old grudges. - T D Jakes
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Asthma is a disease that has practically the same symptoms as passion except that with asthma it lasts longer. - Unknown
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
I don't really drink sodas, but when I have popcorn or pizza I need a little. It's the perfect combination. - Alessandra Ambrosio
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart
Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
Stories are memory aids, instruction manuals and moral compasses. - Aleks Krotoski
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
You may know the intractability of a disease by its long list of remedies. - Alonzo Clark
When it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain. - Graham Norton
When a lot of remedies are suggested for a disease, that means it cannot be cured. - Anton Chekhov
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker
If you love something set it free, but don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes. - Chuck Palahniuk
Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease. - William Osler
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. - Bill Bryson
We cannot embrace God's forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds and nursing old grudges. - T D Jakes
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Asthma is a disease that has practically the same symptoms as passion except that with asthma it lasts longer. - Unknown
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
I don't really drink sodas, but when I have popcorn or pizza I need a little. It's the perfect combination. - Alessandra Ambrosio
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart
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20-Jan-2021 |