HAGS Disease

How to handle communicable diseases


A man goes into the Doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the Doctor calls him into his office and says, “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.”

“What is HAGS?” the man asks.

“It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis,” says the Doctor.

“Oh no!” says the man. “What are you going to do?”

“We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza.”

“Is that going to help me,” says the man.

“No,” says the Doctor. “But it’s the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door.”


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Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper

Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Astrology is a disease, not a science. - Maimonides

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

About half my time is spent on business operation type stuff. - Mark Zuckerberg

A nurse will always give us hope, an angel with a stethoscope. - Terri Guillemets

Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

When it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain. - Graham Norton

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six. - Yogi Berra

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

People were never "living with their disease." We cured them. Or they died from it. - Neil deGrasse Tyson

They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray

The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease. - William Osler

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

We cannot embrace God's forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds and nursing old grudges. - T D Jakes

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

I know runners who have suffered a tick bite and ended up with Lyme disease. I'll take an angry moose any day. - Don Kardong

I had a job selling hearing aids from door to door. It wasn't easy, because your best prospects never answered. - Bob Monkhouse

I welcome him like I welcome cold sores. He's from England, he's angry, and he's got Mad Power Disease. - Paula Abdul

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

I'm always interested in finding the new trend. If you love pizza every day, after 22 years of eating pizza, you want to try sushi. - Jean Pigozzi

I see God in every human being. When I wash the leper's wounds, I feel I am nursing the Lord himself. Is it not a beautiful experience? - Mother Teresa

Hastiness and superficiality are the psychic diseases of the 20th century, and more than anywhere else this disease is reflected in the press. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn


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07-Mar-2021