HAGS Disease

How to handle communicable diseases


A man goes into the Doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the Doctor calls him into his office and says, “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.”

“What is HAGS?” the man asks.

“It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis,” says the Doctor.

“Oh no!” says the man. “What are you going to do?”

“We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza.”

“Is that going to help me,” says the man.

“No,” says the Doctor. “But it’s the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door.”


QuotaBills
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

A nurse will always give us hope, an angel with a stethoscope. - Terri Guillemets

Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown

The last mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic. - Joanna Lumley

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

Antitoxidote cruisin' through my system looking for some disease to attack. - Archie Bunker

We have to live our lives as if we are dying of a fatal disease. Because we are. - Phineas Narco

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Not enough people know what Lyme disease is and the dangers of being bitten by an insect. - Gigi Hadid

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. - WC Fields

As it takes two to make a quarrel, so it takes two to make a disease, the microbe and its host. - Charles V. Chapin

They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray

A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. - Bill Bryson

I think I have a disease called spontaneous disclosure. I need to tell everyone my life story instantaneously. - Kelly Ripa

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz

I see God in every human being. When I wash the leper's wounds, I feel I am nursing the Lord himself. Is it not a beautiful experience? - Mother Teresa

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. - George Carlin

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler

In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart


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05-Jun-2020