Five Doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a GP, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead.
The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated. “I’m not quite sure it’s a duck,” he said, “I think that I will have to get a second opinion.” And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.
Another bird appeared in the sky. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. “I’ll have to do some more investigations,” he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.
Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey’s identity. “Now, I know it’s a duck, but does it know it’s a duck?” The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.
Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon’s weapon pointed skywards. BOOM! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him.
“Go see if that was a duck, will you?”
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb
The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte
I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley
Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus
What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb
You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton
Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson
What air is to the body, to feel understood is to the heart. - Stephen Covey
If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown
The perils of duck hunting are great - especially for the duck. - Walter Cronkite
Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx
Ugliness is a point of view; an ulcer is wonderful to a pathologist. - Austin O'Malley
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar
If you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport. - Elayne Boosler
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
Mental will is a muscle that needs exercise, just like muscles of the body. - Lynn Jennings
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure. - Jane Austen
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler
Husband-hunting: A sport in which the animal that gets caught has to buy the license - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams
The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman
The cure for a broken heart is simple, my lady. A hot bath and a good night's sleep. - Margaret George
Seafood is one of the easiest things to digest - a bratwurst is really hard on the body. - Joey Chestnut
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
My tastes are not those of the king, who has none, except for hunting and mechanic's labour. - Marie Antoinette
I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too. - Unknown
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten
What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. - Rodney Dangerfield
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. - George Carlin
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon
We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
If you removed all the arteries, veins, and capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end... the person will die. - Neil deGrasse Tyson
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed
Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon
Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is a man who collects the rent. - Lord Webb-Johnson
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb
The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte
I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley
Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus
What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb
You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton
Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson
What air is to the body, to feel understood is to the heart. - Stephen Covey
If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown
The perils of duck hunting are great - especially for the duck. - Walter Cronkite
Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx
Ugliness is a point of view; an ulcer is wonderful to a pathologist. - Austin O'Malley
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar
If you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport. - Elayne Boosler
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
Mental will is a muscle that needs exercise, just like muscles of the body. - Lynn Jennings
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure. - Jane Austen
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler
Husband-hunting: A sport in which the animal that gets caught has to buy the license - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams
The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman
The cure for a broken heart is simple, my lady. A hot bath and a good night's sleep. - Margaret George
Seafood is one of the easiest things to digest - a bratwurst is really hard on the body. - Joey Chestnut
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
My tastes are not those of the king, who has none, except for hunting and mechanic's labour. - Marie Antoinette
I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too. - Unknown
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten
What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. - Rodney Dangerfield
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. - George Carlin
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon
We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
If you removed all the arteries, veins, and capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end... the person will die. - Neil deGrasse Tyson
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed
Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon
Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is a man who collects the rent. - Lord Webb-Johnson
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
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Car Surgeon
Doctor Types
Hunters New Year’s Resolution
Mechanical Patient
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