[A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later, he received this report...]
MOST HONOURABLE SIR:
YOU LEAVE HOUSE. I WATCH HOUSE.
HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH.
HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE, I FOLLOW.
HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL.
I CLIMB TREE. I LOOK IN WINDOW.
HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE.
HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE.
HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE.
I PLAY WITH ME.
I FALL OFF TREE.
I NOT SEE.
Order is Heaven's first law. - Alexander Pope
Position is nine-tenths of the law. - Archie Bunker
Generosity is the flower of justice. - Nathaniel Hawthorne
Lawyers are the jackals of commerce. - Elbert Hubbard
OK, if you can get an indepartial judge. - Archie Bunker
Law cannot persuade where it cannot punish. - Thomas Fuller
Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer. - Robert Louis Stevenson
A really good detective never gets married. - Raymond Chandler
Law and order are not necessarily partners. - Saying
If you want peace, you must work for justice. - Pope Paul VI
There's a strong criminal relement up there. - Archie Bunker
We are never to judge a philosophy by its abuse. - Augustine
Lawyers are the foot soldiers of our Constitution. - Rennard Strickland
Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers. - Voltaire
I have always fought for concrete facts, for justice. - Fidel Castro
Lawyers are men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers. - Elbert Hubbard
It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. - Oscar Wilde
If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens
Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice. - H L Mencken
Sometimes justice is at its most merciful when it's blind. - Nancy Gibbs
A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. - H L Mencken
Lawyers are like beavers. They get in the mainstream and dam it up. - John Naisbitt
The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal classes. - Oscar Wilde
Books should be tried by a judge and jury as though they were crimes. - Samuel Butler
A lawyer is an odd sort of fish, first rotten, then green, then ripe. - Robert Christy
Law school is the opposite of sex. Even when it's good it's lousy. - Unknown
Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. - Bertrand Russell
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman
The successful revolutionary is a statesman, the unsuccessful one a criminal. - Erich Fromm
Tennis is like a lawsuit: activity from across the court is often surprising. - Unknown
I know that this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never studied law. - Bugs Bunny
Stock Split: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe. - Dalai Lama
Lawyers get you out'n the kind of trouble you'd never get in if there was no lawyers. - Ken Alstad
Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again. - Nelson Mandela
Zymurgy’s Law of Volunteer Labour: People are always available for work in the past tense - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Whatever their other contributions to our society, lawyers could be an important source of protein. - Guindon
Put least trust in him who is foremost to praise you,
Nor judge of a road till it draw to the end. - John B O'Reilly
I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller
There are not enough jails, not enough policemen, not enough courts to enforce a law not supported by the people. - Hubert H Humphrey
The courtrooms of America all too often have Piper Cub advocates trying to handle the controls of Boeing 747 litigation. - Warren E. Burger
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly
If we judge ourselves only by our aspirations and everyone else only their conduct we shall soon reach a very false conclusion. - Calvin Coolidge
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. - John Adams
Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it was stupid. - Albert Einstein
The denial of an objective moral law based on the compulsion to deny the existence of God results ultimately in the denial of evil itself. - Ravi Zacharias
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously. - Tim Allen
The Post Office just recalled their newest stamps. They had a picture of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. - Marvin Lebman
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