No Fee Chinese Detective

Looking for the Wong person

[A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later, he received this report...]

MOST HONOURABLE SIR:

YOU LEAVE HOUSE. I WATCH HOUSE.
HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH.
HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE, I FOLLOW.
HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL.
I CLIMB TREE. I LOOK IN WINDOW.
HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE.
HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE.
HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE.
I PLAY WITH ME.
I FALL OFF TREE.
I NOT SEE.

NO FEE,
CHEN LEE


QuotaBills
Necessity hath no law. - Oliver Cromwell

A bad compromise beats a good lawsuit. - Saying

All children are essentially criminal. - Denis Diderot

Don't judge your taco by its price. - Hunter S. Thompson

OK, if you can get an indepartial judge. - Archie Bunker

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. - Steven Wright

A flagrant violation of international law. - Unknown

A really good detective never gets married. - Raymond Chandler

Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. - Thomas Jefferson

I'm trusting in the Lord and a good lawyer. - Oliver North

Judge, could I, waddya call, encroach the bench? - Archie Bunker

Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat. - Mark Twain

A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman. - Robert Frost

The law must be stable, but it must not stand still. - Roscoe Pound

Law of Inflation: Whatever goes up will go up some more. - Kin Hubbard

Ambition is like hunger; it obeys no law but its appetite. - H.W. Shaw

If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens

A lawyer's opinion is worth nothing unless it is paid for. - Unknown

Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. - Boethius

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin

I would uphold the law if for no other reason but to protect myself. - Thomas More

When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. - Wayne W. Dyer

Do not judge a man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins. - Native American Proverb

So I will say it with relish. Give me a hamburger but hold the lawsuit. - S.I. Hayakawa

I don't want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is. - Roy M. Cohn

True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people together. - Unknown

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. - Sally Field

Tennis is like a lawsuit: activity from across the court is often surprising. - Unknown

The Second Law of Pies: they must be baked, not fried (or boiled, or steamed). - Janet Clarkson

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray

Humour is based on a modicum of truth. Ever heard a joe-k about a father-in-law? - Dick Clark

A jury consists of twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer. - Robert Frost

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

A criminal remains a criminal whether he uses a convict's suit or a monarch's crown. - Victor Hugo

Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson

Once in a lifetime the longed-for tidal wave of justice can rise up, and hope and history rhyme. - Seamus Heaney

We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I don't want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do. I hire one to tell me how to do what I want to do. - J P Morgan

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman

No oppression is so heavy or lasting as that which is inflicted by the perversion and exorbitance of legal authority. - Joseph Addison

When the law no longer protects you from the corrupt, but protects the corrupt from you, you know your nation is doomed. - Ayn Rand

When you say justice, it doesn't have to be war. Justice could just be clearing a path for people to dream properly. - Kanye West

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. - John Adams

Justice, sir, is the great interest of man on earth. It is the ligament which holds civilized beings and civilized nations together. - Daniel Webster

Man has made 32 million laws since the Commandments were handed down to Moses on Mount Sinai... but he has never improved on God's law. - Cecil B. DeMille

While there is a lower class, I am in it; while there is a criminal element, I am of it; and while there is a soul in prison, I am not free. - Eugene V Debs

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. - Anatole France

The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honour, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?" - Steven Wright


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26-Feb-2020