[A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later, he received this report...]
MOST HONOURABLE SIR:
YOU LEAVE HOUSE. I WATCH HOUSE.
HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH.
HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE, I FOLLOW.
HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL.
I CLIMB TREE. I LOOK IN WINDOW.
HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE.
HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE.
HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE.
I PLAY WITH ME.
I FALL OFF TREE.
I NOT SEE.
Necessity hath no law. - Oliver Cromwell
A bad compromise beats a good lawsuit. - Saying
All children are essentially criminal. - Denis Diderot
Don't judge your taco by its price. - Hunter S. Thompson
OK, if you can get an indepartial judge. - Archie Bunker
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. - Steven Wright
A flagrant violation of international law. - Unknown
A really good detective never gets married. - Raymond Chandler
Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. - Thomas Jefferson
I'm trusting in the Lord and a good lawyer. - Oliver North
Judge, could I, waddya call, encroach the bench? - Archie Bunker
Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat. - Mark Twain
A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman. - Robert Frost
The law must be stable, but it must not stand still. - Roscoe Pound
Law of Inflation: Whatever goes up will go up some more. - Kin Hubbard
Ambition is like hunger; it obeys no law but its appetite. - H.W. Shaw
If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens
A lawyer's opinion is worth nothing unless it is paid for. - Unknown
Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. - Boethius
A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin
I would uphold the law if for no other reason but to protect myself. - Thomas More
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. - Wayne W. Dyer
Do not judge a man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins. - Native American Proverb
So I will say it with relish. Give me a hamburger but hold the lawsuit. - S.I. Hayakawa
I don't want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is. - Roy M. Cohn
True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people together. - Unknown
It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. - Sally Field
Tennis is like a lawsuit: activity from across the court is often surprising. - Unknown
The Second Law of Pies: they must be baked, not fried (or boiled, or steamed). - Janet Clarkson
Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce
A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray
Humour is based on a modicum of truth. Ever heard a joe-k about a father-in-law? - Dick Clark
A jury consists of twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer. - Robert Frost
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
A criminal remains a criminal whether he uses a convict's suit or a monarch's crown. - Victor Hugo
Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson
Once in a lifetime the longed-for tidal wave of justice can rise up, and hope and history rhyme. - Seamus Heaney
We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
I don't want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do. I hire one to tell me how to do what I want to do. - J P Morgan
I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman
No oppression is so heavy or lasting as that which is inflicted by the perversion and exorbitance of legal authority. - Joseph Addison
When the law no longer protects you from the corrupt, but protects the corrupt from you, you know your nation is doomed. - Ayn Rand
When you say justice, it doesn't have to be war. Justice could just be clearing a path for people to dream properly. - Kanye West
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. - John Adams
Justice, sir, is the great interest of man on earth. It is the ligament which holds civilized beings and civilized nations together. - Daniel Webster
Man has made 32 million laws since the Commandments were handed down to Moses on Mount Sinai... but he has never improved on God's law. - Cecil B. DeMille
While there is a lower class, I am in it; while there is a criminal element, I am of it; and while there is a soul in prison, I am not free. - Eugene V Debs
The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. - Anatole France
The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honour, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?" - Steven Wright
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