[A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later, he received this report...]
MOST HONOURABLE SIR:
YOU LEAVE HOUSE. I WATCH HOUSE.
HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH.
HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE, I FOLLOW.
HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL.
I CLIMB TREE. I LOOK IN WINDOW.
HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE.
HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE.
HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE.
I PLAY WITH ME.
I FALL OFF TREE.
I NOT SEE.
The law is silent during war. - Cicero
Agree, for the law is costly. - William Camden
Common sense often makes good law. - William O Douglas
OK, if you can get an indepartial judge. - Archie Bunker
Don't judge folks by their relatives. - Unknown
In law, nothing is certain but the expense. - Samuel Butler
Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer. - Robert Louis Stevenson
To live outside the law, you must be honest. - Bob Dylan
Judge a man by the reputation of his enemies. - Arabian Proverb
Swift justice demands more than just swiftness. - Potter Stewart
Judge, could I, waddya call, encroach the bench? - Archie Bunker
There's a strong criminal relement up there. - Archie Bunker
It is not wisdom but authority that makes a law. - Thomas Hobbes
A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman. - Robert Frost
Law of the Supermarket: The other line moves faster. - Unknown
Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers. - Voltaire
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. - William Shakespeare
Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it. - Addison Mizner
It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. - Oscar Wilde
A lawyer's opinion is worth nothing unless it is paid for. - Unknown
A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin
There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law. - Abraham Lincoln
Do not judge a man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins. - Native American Proverb
Inside every hardened criminal beats the heart of a ten-year-old boy. - Homer Simpson
So I will say it with relish. Give me a hamburger but hold the lawsuit. - S.I. Hayakawa
Ignorance, allied with power, is the most ferocious enemy justice can have. - James Baldwin
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor
Lawyers are like beavers: They get in the middle of the stream and dam it up. - Donald Rumsfeld
It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz
The Second Law of Pies: they must be baked, not fried (or boiled, or steamed). - Janet Clarkson
A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray
Your mother's down there throwing a monkey wrench into the halls of justice. - Archie Bunker
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. - Mark Twain
A criminal remains a criminal whether he uses a convict's suit or a monarch's crown. - Victor Hugo
If a man dies and leaves his estate in an uncertain condition, the lawyers become his heirs. - Edgar Watson Howe
At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst. - Aristotle
The law was made for one thing alone - for the exploitation of those who don't understand it. - Bertoit Brecht
We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller
People judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold, but so has a hard-boiled egg. - Unknown
The courtrooms of America all too often have Piper Cub advocates trying to handle the controls of Boeing 747 litigation. - Warren E. Burger
When the law no longer protects you from the corrupt, but protects the corrupt from you, you know your nation is doomed. - Ayn Rand
When you say justice, it doesn't have to be war. Justice could just be clearing a path for people to dream properly. - Kanye West
Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot
Justice, sir, is the great interest of man on earth. It is the ligament which holds civilized beings and civilized nations together. - Daniel Webster
Man has made 32 million laws since the Commandments were handed down to Moses on Mount Sinai... but he has never improved on God's law. - Cecil B. DeMille
What we lawyers want to do is to substitute courts for carnage, dockets for rockets, briefs for bombs, warrants for warheads, mandates for missiles. - George Rhyne
There is only one categorical imperative: Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time will that it should become universal law. - Immanuel Kant
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