Tonto’s Horse Coolant

The Lone Ranger rides again


The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, “Who owns the big white horse outside?”

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, “I do - Why?”
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, “I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is about dead outside!”

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, “Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better.”

Tonto said, “Sure, Kemosabe” and took off running circles around Silver.
Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, “Who owns that big white horse outside?”
The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, “I do - what’s wrong with him this time?”

The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, “Nothin’, but you left your Injun running.”


QuotaBills
Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

Horse ovaries (hors d'oeuvres) - Archie Bunker

Use a little of your horse's sense. - Archie Bunker

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Lend a horse, and you may have back his skin. - English Proverb

Care, and not fine stables, makes a good horse. - Danish Proverb

The speed of a runaway horse counts for nothing. - Jean Cocteau

This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother. - Ted Walsh

A rabbit's foot is a poor substitute for horse sense. - Unknown

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Horse Manure: 50p per pre-packed bag. 20p - do it your self. - Unknown

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong. - Unknown

A meal of bread, cheese, and beer constitutes the perfect food. - Queen Elizabeth I

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him float. - Unknown

The wagon rests in winter, the sleigh in summer, the horse never. - Yiddish Proverb

You can not lead a battle if you think you look silly on a horse. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

A lame cat is better than a swift horse when rats infest the palace. - Chinese Proverb

Vegetarian: an old Indian word for "doesn't hunt well." - Paul Harvey

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. - WC Fields

It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse. - Adlai Stevenson

In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse. - Archie Bunker

To God I speak Spanish, to women Italian, to men French, and to my horse - German. - Emperor Charles V

Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live. - Henny Youngman

You've got to concentrate on one idea. You can't ride a horse with two asses. - Joe Segal

Half of the failures in life come from pulling one’s horse when he is leaping. - Thomas Hood

A horse gallops with his lungs, perseveres with his heart, and wins with his character. - Tesio

And God took a handful of southerly wind, blew His breath over it and created the horse. - Bedouin Legend

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

One of the worst things that can happen in life is to win a bet on a horse at an early age. - Danny McGoorty

Like the old adverb, "you can lead a gift horse to the water but ya can't look in his mouth." - Archie Bunker

Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success. - Dale Carnegie

Do you ever get halfway through eating a horse and go, 'You know, I'm not as hungry as I thought I was'? - Tim Vinel

When you're young and you fall off a horse, you may break something. When you're my age and you fall off, you splatter. - Roy Rogers

We will never have to tell our horse that we are sad, happy, confident, angry or relaxed. He already knows - long before we do. - Marjike de Jong

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster


see also   Country  &  Native Indian  Sections
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05-Mar-2021