Tonto’s Horse Coolant

The Lone Ranger rides again


The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, “Who owns the big white horse outside?”

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, “I do - Why?”
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, “I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is about dead outside!”

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, “Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better.”

Tonto said, “Sure, Kemosabe” and took off running circles around Silver.
Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, “Who owns that big white horse outside?”
The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, “I do - what’s wrong with him this time?”

The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, “Nothin’, but you left your Injun running.”


QuotaBills
Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

I should like to be a horse. - Queen Elizabeth II

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

Act like a horse. Be dumb. Just run. - Unknown

Use a little of your horse's sense. - Archie Bunker

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

Care, and not fine stables, makes a good horse. - Danish Proverb

You're a bartender, y'aint a mortrician. - Archie Bunker

The speed of a runaway horse counts for nothing. - Jean Cocteau

The old horse in the stable still yearns to run. - Mongolian Proverb

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. - Groucho Marx

I'm Irish and Cherokee Indian. I can't faint. - Lynn Collins

This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother. - Ted Walsh

A rabbit's foot is a poor substitute for horse sense. - Unknown

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him float. - Unknown

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. - English Proverb

Don't worry about the horse being blind, just load the wagon. - John Madden

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

Vegetarian: an old Indian word for "doesn't hunt well." - Paul Harvey

It's too late to close the stable door after the horse has bolted. - French Proverb

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. - WC Fields

It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse. - Adlai Stevenson

Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live. - Henny Youngman

You've got to concentrate on one idea. You can't ride a horse with two asses. - Joe Segal

Half of the failures in life come from pulling one’s horse when he is leaping. - Thomas Hood

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. - Woody Allen

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

It is not best that we should all think alike; it is differences of opinion that make horse races. - Mark Twain

A definite purpose, like blinders on a horse, inevitably narrows its possessor's point of view. - Robert Frost

Democracy is very different in U.S. and A. from Kazakhstan. In America, woman can vote, but horse cannot! - Borat Sagdiyev

Like the old adverb, "you can lead a gift horse to the water but ya can't look in his mouth." - Archie Bunker

Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success. - Dale Carnegie

A fly, Sir, may sting a stately horse and make him wince; but, one is but an insect, and the other is a horse still. - Samuel Johnson

When you're young and you fall off a horse, you may break something. When you're my age and you fall off, you splatter. - Roy Rogers

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster


see also   Country  &  Native Indian  Sections
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15-Dec-2019