Tonto’s Horse Coolant

The Lone Ranger rides again


The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, “Who owns the big white horse outside?”

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, “I do - Why?”
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, “I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is about dead outside!”

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, “Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better.”

Tonto said, “Sure, Kemosabe” and took off running circles around Silver.
Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, “Who owns that big white horse outside?”
The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, “I do - what’s wrong with him this time?”

The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, “Nothin’, but you left your Injun running.”


QuotaBills
Horse ovaries (hors d'oeuvres) - Archie Bunker

Act like a horse. Be dumb. Just run. - Unknown

Use a little of your horse's sense. - Archie Bunker

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

Life looks better from the back of a horse. - Unknown

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. - Groucho Marx

Lend a horse, and you may have back his skin. - English Proverb

Few girls are as well shaped as a good horse. - Christopher Morley

Draft Dodger: Someone who avoids beer on tap. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Beer: The method of turning grain into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You're a bartender, y'aint a mortrician. - Archie Bunker

The speed of a runaway horse counts for nothing. - Jean Cocteau

I had the best buffalo horse that ever made a track. - Buffalo Bill

I'm Irish and Cherokee Indian. I can't faint. - Lynn Collins

This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother. - Ted Walsh

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Life is like a horse - either you ride it or it rides you. - Unknown

Horse Manure: 50p per pre-packed bag. 20p - do it your self. - Unknown

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

A meal of bread, cheese, and beer constitutes the perfect food. - Queen Elizabeth I

You can not lead a battle if you think you look silly on a horse. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

All music is folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing a song. - Louis Armstrong

It's too late to close the stable door after the horse has bolted. - French Proverb

You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek

Are you Indian or Pakistani? I can never tell the difference between you chaps. - Prince Philip

Take care to sell your horse before he dies. The art of life is passing losses on. - Robert Frost

The one thing I do not want to be called is First Lady. It sounds like a saddle horse. - Jacqueline Kennedy

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. - Woody Allen

They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

Indian people, we are proud of our cheapness. You are never gonna insult us by calling us cheap. - Russell Peters

It is not best that we should all think alike; it is differences of opinion that make horse races. - Mark Twain

Democracy is very different in U.S. and A. from Kazakhstan. In America, woman can vote, but horse cannot! - Borat Sagdiyev

Like the old adverb, "you can lead a gift horse to the water but ya can't look in his mouth." - Archie Bunker

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster


see also   Country  &  Native Indian  Sections
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Frog To Horse Illusion
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Horsing Around
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One Horsepower Car
Quarter Horse or Quarterhorse?
Royal Engagement - Prince Charles & Camilla Exclusive
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19-Jun-2021