Redneck Version of Windows ’98

Some ’puters need special instructions


Dear Consumers:

It has come to our attention that a few copies of WINDOWS 98 SOUTHERN EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside the South. If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands. The Southern edition may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads: WINDERS 98, with a background picture of General Robert E. Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Dukes of Hazzard screen saver.

Please also note: The Recycle Bin is labeled “Outhouse”
My Computer is called “This Dern Contraption”
Dial up Networking is called “Good Ol’ Boys”
Control Panel is known as the “The Dashboard”
Hard Drive is referred to as “4 Wheel Drive”
Floppies are “them little ol plastic disc thangs”
Instead of an error message a “roll of duct tape” pops up

CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN SOUTHERN EDITION:
OK . . . . . . . . . . ats aw-right
Cancel . . . . . . . stopdat
Reset . . . . . . . . try er agin
Yes . . . . .. . . . . yep
No . . . . . . . . . . noop
Find . . . . . . . . . hunt fer it
Go to. . . . . . . . . over yonder
Back . . . . . . . . . back yonder
Help . . . . . . . . . hep me out here
Stop . . . . . . . . . kwitit
Start . . . . . . . . crank er up
Settings . . . . . . . settins
Programs . . . . . . . stuff dat duz stuff
Documents . . . . . . stuff ah done did

Also note that SOUTHERN EDITION does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to Winders 98:
Tiperiter . . . . . . . . A word processing program
Colerin book . . . . . . a graphics program
Cyferin mersheen . . . . calculator
Outhouse paper . . . . . notepad
Iner-net . . . . . . . . Microsoft Explorer 4.0
Pichers . . . . . . . . . A graphics viewer
Dern lit varmit . . . . . A mouse

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused ifin you received a copy of the SOUTHERN EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version. I hope this heps all y’all!

Billy Bob Gates
Head Honcho


 

Nighttime Graffiti

Baby Formula

Kid Suction

Redneck Moving Truck

Critter Control

Lost Dog

Nail Chair

Looking For Something?

Yellow Pet

Race Break

Fuse Bypass

Good Boy

British Tea Party

Roadside Assistance

Chair Boy

Cheers Beer

African Airstrip

Horsepower vs Torque

Filling Up Is OverRated

Flywood
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19-May-2022