Redneck Medical Terms

What ya gonna do with ’im, Jethro - Barium?


Artery: Study of paintings.
Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria.
Barium: What you do with dead folks.
Benign: What you be after you be eight.
Bowel: A letter like A, E, I, O, U.
Catscan: Searching for the cat.
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her.
Caesarian Section: A neighborhood in Rome.
Colic: A sheep dog.
Coma: A punctuation mark.
D&C: Where Washington is.
Dilate: To live longer than your kids do.
Enema: Not a friend.
Fester: Quicker than someone else.
Fibula: A small lie.
Genital: Not a Jew.
G.I. Series: An Army ball game.
Hangnail: Coat hook.
Impotent: Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff: A Doctor’s cane, sometimes shown with a snake.
Morbid: A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates.
Node: Was aware of.
Outpatient: A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear: A fatherhood test.
Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative: A letter carrier.
Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery.
Rectum: Dang nearly killed him.
Secretion: Hiding something.
Seizure: Roman emperor who lived in the Caesarian Section.
Tablet: A small table to change babies on.
Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the train station.
Tumor: More than one.
Urine: Opposite to you are out.
Varicose: Near by.
Vein: Conceited.
Very close veins: overly conceited and near by.



QuotaBills
In rock music terms I'm like a dinosaur. - Belinda Carlisle

Care shouldn't start in the emergency room. - James Douglas

The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. - Groucho Marx

Surgeon: The person who was a cut-up at medical school - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs. - Ambrose Bierce

I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the year's. - Henry Moore

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

In terms of being late or not starting at all, then it's never too late. - Alison Headley

An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible. - Alfred A. Knopf

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Only priests and fools are fearless and I've never been on the best of terms with God. - Patrick Rothfuss

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. - H L Mencken

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency. - Arnold H. Glasow

My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room. - Unknown

Webnesia: The act of loading a web browser, then instantly forgetting the site you were going to visit - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

My basics are black, white, or neutral, and I'll wear a ton of jewelry or carry a brightly colored bag. - Rachel Zoe

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

Faith is a fine invention
When Gentlemen can see -
But Microscopes are prudent
In an Emergency. - Emily Dickinson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

Mankind likes to think in terms of extreme opposites - between which it recognizes no intermediate possibilities. - John Dewey

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. - Ronald Reagan

Thirty was so strange for me. I've really had to come to terms with the fact that I am now a walking and talking adult. - C S Lewis

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

Technology is just a tool. In terms of getting the kids working together and motivating them, the teacher is the most important. - Bill Gates

If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed; if in terms of ten years, plant trees; if in terms of 100 years, teach the people. - Confucius

I had very good dentures once. Some magnificent gold work. It's the only form of jewelry a man can wear that women fully appreciate. - Graham Greene

There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman

Hypothesis: 1. First thing a Redneck teenager says to his father on the phone; 2. Hippo, horse; thesis, placing: putting something on a horse. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin

If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music. - Albert Einstein


see also   Medical  &  Redneck   Sections
Blonde’s Medical Dictionary
Far Wood Sale
New Medic Alert Bracelet
Redneck Dictionary
Special “Southernisms”

 

Braided Horse Tail

Owl Glove

Far North Cable Guys

Openish Hours

Lead Sled Dog

Pet Food Tester

Gold Bar Carrot Cake

Looking For A Mate

Food For Thought

Kanye Twitty

Skull Tentacles

Ukrainian Cattle Car

CreepEye

Canadian Whiskey

Winter Tree
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23-Oct-2021