The Teacher asked young Patrick Murphy, “What do you do at Christmas time?”
Patrick addressed the class, “Well Miss Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight mass and we sing hymns; then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys.”
“Very nice Patrick,” she said. “Now Jimmy Brown, what do you do at Christmas?”
“Well, Miss Jones, me and my sister also go to Church with Mum and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents.”
Realising there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, “Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?”
Isaac said, “Well, it’s the same thing every year. Dad comes home from the office, we all pile into the Rolls Royce - then we drive to Dad’s toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves... and begin to sing, ‘What A Friend We Have in Jesus’. Then we all go to the Bahamas.”
The brain is an educational toy. - Tom Robbins
Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb
There would be no Christmas if there was no Easter. - Gordon B. Hinckley
I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd
I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford
Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side. - Archie Bunker
Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value. - Marechal Ferdinand Foch
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. - Henny Youngman
Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund
A new toy is something a child uses to break his old toys. - Joe-kster
I'm Jewish, so I don't know much about Easter eggs. - Simon Kinberg
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
In the factory we make cosmetics, but in my stores we sell hope. - Charles Revson
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy. - Unknown
The United States is the greatest law factory the world has ever known. - Charles E Hughes
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard
Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson
If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway
Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson
I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller
True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz
I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright
No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby
The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes
Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies. - Milton Berle
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan
I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris
Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey
I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle
Wall Street is the only place that people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from those who take the subway. - Warren Buffett
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor
This is the real enemy, the invader from the East, the Druze, the ruffian, the oriental parasite; in a word: the Jew. - George Bernard Shaw
Unbreakable Toy: 1. An object that is indestructible - until a child plays with it; 2. Useful for breaking other toys. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump
A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman
Blessed be Providence which has given to each his toy: the doll to the child, the child to the woman, the woman to the man, the man to the devil. - Victor Hugo
Lincolnshire is the Idaho of England. You were either going to drive a tractor for the rest of your life or head for the city to work in a factory. - Bernie Taupin
see also Christmas & Nationality Sections
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14-Aug-2022 |