![]() Hopefully Santa will have a safe delivery this year Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker Good wine needs no vine. - French Proverb Liquor Store: A stupor market - Daffynitions joe-ks.com I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson Compromises are for relationships, not wine. - Robert S Caywood Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown Beer: The method of turning grain into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker I should never have switched from Scotch to martinis. - Humphrey Bogart There was a sound in their voices which suggested rum. - Robert Louis Sevenson The fountain of youth is a mixture of gin and vermouth. - Cole Porter Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson Liquor talks mighty loud when it gets loose from the jug. - Joel C Harris What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown One martini is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. - James Thurber Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown The wagon rests in winter, the sleigh in summer, the horse never. - Yiddish Proverb Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. - Eduardo Galeano Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. - Pope John XXIII I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. - Frank Sinatra The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober. - William Butler Yeats I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. - Phyllis Diller Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King I exercise extreme self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. - WC Fields When a man who is drinking neat gin starts talking about his mother he is past all argument. - C.S. Forester Just as Jesus created wine from water, we humans are capable of transmuting emotion into music. - Carlos Santana Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. - WC Fields The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid Milk is the drink of babies, tea the drink of women, water the drink of beasts, and wine is the drink of the gods. - John S Blackie I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen I have made an important discovery - that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe Morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells. - William Taylor If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster see also Christmas & Safety Sections Alcohol Research Calculus Drinks Feeling Inebriated? Grandma’s Remedies How Tequila Works If Alcohol Talked Red Wine Diet Redneck Wine Glass Russian Shot Glass Scottish Haircut Sermon On Alcohol Smirnoff Women Whiskey Lurks Good Yoga Stress Relief |
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