Redneck Christmas Deer Hunt

Shoot folly as it flies. - Alexander Pope

Hunters do it with a big bang. - Unknown

A wounded deer leaps the highest. - Emily Dickinson

Never shoot more than you can eat. - Unknown

Aim high and you won’t shoot your foot off. - Phyllis Diller

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer? - Steven Wright

Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best. - Oscar Wilde

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. - George Burns

Head Hunter: The person to see if you have lost your head - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Fox hunting is the unspeakable in pursuit of the inedible. - Oscar Wilde

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? - George Carlin

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer? - Steven Wright

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? - George Carlin

Vegetarian: an old Indian word for "doesn't hunt well." - Paul Harvey

Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. - Paul Harvey

If the hunter comes back with mushrooms, don't ask him how his hunt was. - Ghanaian Proverb

To hunt successfully, you must know your ground, your pack, and your quarry. - K J Parker

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

Hunting is not a sport. In a sport, both sides should know they're in the game. - Paul Rodriguez

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target. - Ashleigh Brilliant

Husband-hunting: A sport in which the animal that gets caught has to buy the license - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'm a Catholic deer hunter. I am happy to be clinging to my guns and my religion. - Paul Ryan

A hunt based only on trophies taken falls far short of what the ultimate goal should be. - Fred Bear

While I love shooting in New York City, I look forward to filming season six in Los Angeles. - Donald Trump

There are sadistic scientists who hurry to hunt down errors instead of establishing the truth. - Marie Curie

I'm glad I don't have to hunt for my food. I don't even know where Sandwiches live. - Bill Murray

Consultants are people who come down from the hill to shoot the wounded after the battle is over. - Doc Blakeley

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it. - Groucho Marx

In hunting - as in life - sometimes the thing you need most isn't the thing you went looking for. - Unknown

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

I became hooked on the idea of being able to shoot an image and process it myself, and end up with a product. - Leonard Nimoy

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun. - P G Wodehouse

You've probably got a device on you that can shoot decent video, so what's stopping you? Capture and share some moments. - Steve Garfield

It's a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused. - Steven Wright

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

When I came back to Dublin, I was courtmartialled in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence. - Brendan Behan

There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter. - Ernest Hemingway