Elf Defense

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

I only direct in self-defense. - Mel Brooks

I go through life like a Karate Kid. - Britney Spears

People use irony as a defense mechanism. - David Byrne

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

The best defense against logic is ignorance. - Blaise Pascal

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is no defense against criticism except obscurity. - Joseph Addison

Denial is a useful defense mechanism until it's not. - Rosalind Kaplan

A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles. - Mignon McLaughlin

Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos. - Homer Simpson

Invincibility lies in the defence; the possibility of victory in the attack. - Sun Tzu

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I'm a black belt in karate. I grew up on the outskirts of Paris, and it was rough. - Elodie Yung

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

As to lawyers, their profession is supported by the indiscriminate defense of right and wrong. - Junius

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

There is no defense against adverse fortune which is so effectual as an habitual sense of humor. - Thomas W. Higginson

Karate's a very boring sport, but when you know the technique you can go further and further. - Jean-Claude Van Damme

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Courage will now be your best defence against the storm that is at hand - that and such hope as I bring. - JRR Tolkien

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

I don't like creating software anymore. It's too exact. It's like karate; there's no room for error. - John Maeda

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. - Henny Youngman

When I was younger I did karate and martial arts, and I think it's really cool for girls to have those kinds of abilities. - Rebel Wilson

When I was nine, my father said 'You can take piano lessons or do karate' - I had a black belt and was competing before I was 19. - Elodie Yung

Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Francis Bacon