Redneck Tire Tree Lights

He lights up a room when he leaves it. - Henny Youngman

Power tires only those who do not have it. - Giulio Andreotti

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

A bore is a person who lights up the room simply by leaving it. - L.J. Peter

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out. - JRR Tolkien

Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off. - Ralph Bus

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast. - Charles Dickens

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts. - Charles Dickens

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

Usually a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow. - Jeremy Clarkson

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

Middle age is when a guy keeps turning off the lights for economical rather than romantic reasons. - Lillian Carter

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal

Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat. - Unknown

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of the tires. - Dorothy Parker

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won't feel like you are alone anymore. - Unknown

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

Trying to predict the future is like trying to drive down a country road at night with no lights while looking out the back window. - Peter F Drucker

Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Francis Bacon

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky. - Hafez