Texas Holiday Lights

What a blast!

Bubba lights up his Christmas tree with jingle bells and shotgun shells



Texas Christmas Holiday Lights

Soon be discontinued on the Duck Dynasty Christmas Wish List

QuotaBills
Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Olfactory: Texas petroleum refinery - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Parts of Texas look like Kansas with a goiter. - Unknown

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. - Fran Lebowitz

Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.' - Kinky Friedman

Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. - George Carlin

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas. - Red Skelton

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may. - Sam Houston

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

Being from Texas, I would say I favor a pair of jeans you can wear some boots with. - Jensen Ackles

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

If a man's from Texas, he'll tell you. If he's not, why embarrass him by asking? - John Gunther

Texas could exist without the United States but the United States cannot exist without Texas. - Sam Houston

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

The definition of insanity in Texas is so insane that it's impossible to be insane in Texas. - Malcolm McDowell

Most of my memories of Texas are of mosquitoes, watermelons, crickets, and my brother teasing me. - Robin Wright

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. - Molly Ivins

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

You can take the girl out of Texas but not the Texas out of the girl and ultimately not the girl out of Texas. - Janine Turner

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze


see also   Christmas  &  Redneck  Sections
Almost Everything’s Bigger in Texas
Benini Ranch Sculpture
BIG Texas Rattlesnake
ChristMoose Tree
Crash Course in Texas Weather
Giant Texas Red Centipede
Jim’s Happy Hour
Motion Detector Camera Night Activity
Moving Day in Texas
Only In Texas
Redneck Tree Chair
Room Service in a Texas Hotel
Sports Car Delivery in Texas
Survivor - Texas Style (2013)
Tactical Texas
Texas 4 Months Apart
Texas 911
Texas Ambulance
Texas Bakery
Texas Bank Security
Texas Car Wash
Texas Chili Taster
Texas Christmas Tree
Texas Cobra Boots
Texas Cow Cleaner
Texas Diet
Texas Divorce
Texas Door Handle
Texas Drought
Texas Easter Bunny
Texas Farmer
Texas Flashlight
Texas Gun Lover
Texas Holiday Lights
Texas Hood Ornament
Texas Hunting Vehicle
Texas Lampshades
Texas Limo
Texas Motorcycle Seat
Texas Office Chair
Texas Outhouse Art
Texas Rain Gauge
Texas Rocking Chair
Texas Speed Camera
Texas Steak
Texas Style Arrest
Texas Three-Kick Rule
Texas Truck
Texas-Europe Size Comparison
Texas Valentine
Texas Wal-Mart Shopper
Texas Wheel Mags
Texas Wheelchair
Texas Wildcat Dentist
Texas Wine Glass
Texas Womanhood
Texas Zoo
Valentines - Texas Style
Welcome to Texas, USPS
Why We Live in Texas

 

Water Taxi

SailBite Ride - Swimming Not Advised

Bach To Front

Japanese Diving Platform

Radar Replacement

Customers Wanted

How To Burn Fat

Cuban Cuisine

FishSun - Touching The Sun

Trampoline Apartment

Slamming On Your Brakes

UFO Caught On Tape

His Dent

Attentive Student

The Great Depression

Divorce Defined

Paint Ladder

Spanish Restrooms

First Computer Cursor

Arsenic Wafers
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14-Aug-2020