Texas Holiday Lights

Olfactory: Texas petroleum refinery - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. - Fran Lebowitz

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

In plain Texas talk, it's 'do the right thing'. - Ross Perot

Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

I'm super laid back. I'm from Texas. I love my family. - Selena Gomez

Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. - George Carlin

News events are like Texas weather. If you don't like it, wait a minute. - Jessica Savitch

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

The landscape of Texas is in all my work. It's that light; it's that sky. - Robert Wilson

Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may. - Sam Houston

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design? - Kinky Friedman

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

Being from Texas, I would say I favor a pair of jeans you can wear some boots with. - Jensen Ackles

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

I thought I knew Texas pretty well, but I had no notion of its size until I campaigned it. - Ann Richards

Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called 'walking.' - George W. Bush

Texas could exist without the United States but the United States cannot exist without Texas. - Sam Houston

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

The definition of insanity in Texas is so insane that it's impossible to be insane in Texas. - Malcolm McDowell

Most of my memories of Texas are of mosquitoes, watermelons, crickets, and my brother teasing me. - Robin Wright

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. - Molly Ivins

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze