Texas Holiday Lights

Texas is as odd as it is vast. - Henry Rollins

The people of Texas want us to secede! - William Clements

Parts of Texas look like Kansas with a goiter. - Unknown

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Texas is a hotbed of insanely good bands and musicians. - Henry Rollins

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

In plain Texas talk, it's 'do the right thing'. - Ross Perot

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

I'm super laid back. I'm from Texas. I love my family. - Selena Gomez

The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.' - Kinky Friedman

Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. - George Carlin

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas. - Red Skelton

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design? - Kinky Friedman

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

Being from Texas, I would say I favor a pair of jeans you can wear some boots with. - Jensen Ackles

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

I thought I knew Texas pretty well, but I had no notion of its size until I campaigned it. - Ann Richards

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

If a man's from Texas, he'll tell you. If he's not, why embarrass him by asking? - John Gunther

The definition of insanity in Texas is so insane that it's impossible to be insane in Texas. - Malcolm McDowell

I'm from Texas, and one of the reasons I like Texas is because there's no one in control. - Willie Nelson

Most of my memories of Texas are of mosquitoes, watermelons, crickets, and my brother teasing me. - Robin Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. - Molly Ivins

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas. - Ian Fleming

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple