Old Santa

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

To stop aging, keep on raging. - Michael Forbes

I'm not aging, I'm marinating. - Unknown

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life. - Daniel F E Auber

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up. - John Wagner

Forget aging. If you're six feet above ground, it's a good day. - Faith Hill

Santanism: The belief that when you die, your soul gets stuck in the chimney - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. - Judith Regan

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

Aging is the extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been. - David Bowie

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. - Doug Larson

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance? - Unknown

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple