‘Twas the night before Christmas in Texas, you bet, Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker Texas is as odd as it is vast. - Henry Rollins Olfactory: Texas petroleum refinery - Daffynitions joe-ks.com A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown Parts of Texas look like Kansas with a goiter. - Unknown I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd Texas is a hotbed of insanely good bands and musicians. - Henry Rollins Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. - Fran Lebowitz Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan In Texas it's always hot, dry, sunny, not a cloud in the sky. - Piper Perabo Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. - George Carlin We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas. - Red Skelton Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may. - Sam Houston How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design? - Kinky Friedman The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin Being from Texas, I would say I favor a pair of jeans you can wear some boots with. - Jensen Ackles If my Valentine you won't be, I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker I thought I knew Texas pretty well, but I had no notion of its size until I campaigned it. - Ann Richards If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown Texas could exist without the United States but the United States cannot exist without Texas. - Sam Houston The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright I'm from Texas, and one of the reasons I like Texas is because there's no one in control. - Willie Nelson I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey You can take the girl out of Texas but not the Texas out of the girl and ultimately not the girl out of Texas. - Janine Turner I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze see also Christmas Section Texas Night Before Christmas Aussie Night Before Christmas Aviator’s Night Before Christmas Big Texas Rattlesnake Biker’s Night Before Christmas Bronx Night Before Christmas Contract Spec Writer’s Night Before Christmas Dieter’s Night Before Christmas Genealogist’s Night Before Christmas Ghetto Night Before Christmas Hanukkah Night Before Christmas Italian Night Before Christmas Jewish-Chinese Night before Christmas Legal Speak Night Before Christmas Moving Day in Texas Networkologist’s Night Before Christmas Politically Correct Night Before Christmas Redneck Night Before Christmas Room Service in a Texas Hotel Scientist’s Night Before Christmas Shopping In Texas Spanish Night Before Christmas Star Trek ‘Next Generation’ Night Before Christmas Star Wars Christmas Survivor – Texas Style Texas Chili Taster Texas Divorce Texas Easter Bunny Texas Hunting Vehicle Texas Limo Texas Motorcycle Seat Texas Speed Camera Texas Zoo ‘Twas the Internet Night Before Christmas ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas |
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