Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Tequila Christmas Cake recipe so here goes:
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup white flower
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
4 large eggs (room temperature)
Nuts (your choice)
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit
Sample tequila to check quality; take a large bowl.
Check tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
At this point, it’s best to make sure the tequila is still OK.
Try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the fruit up off the floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.
Check the tequila.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.
Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee
I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King
Wine is my favorite 4 letter word. - Unknown
I'm not much of a cake person. - Daniel Radcliffe
Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster
The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - James Thurber
Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas
A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown
Beer: The method of turning grain into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields
Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker
Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting? - WC Fields
Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund
Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction. - Bob Marley
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II
Stop trying to make everybody happy - you're not tequila. - Unknown
Because the sweeter the cake, the more bitter the jelly can be. - Lady Gaga
A meal of bread, cheese, and beer constitutes the perfect food. - Queen Elizabeth I
Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits
Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill
All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much. - George Harrison
"Let 'em eat cake," to quote the late Mark Antonette. - Archie Bunker
In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown
Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. - Pope John XXIII
I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. - Bob Hope
I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake. - Unknown
A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard
If one glass of wine is good for you, just imagine what a whole bottle could do! - Unknown
Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany
I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller
You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx
Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump
If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown
A bad review is like baking a cake with all the best ingredients and having someone sit on it. - Danielle Steel
Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism. - Carl Jung
Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. - Joan Collins
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson
If you have to choose between drinking wine every day or being skinny, which would you choose: Red or White? - Unknown
Milk is the drink of babies, tea the drink of women, water the drink of beasts, and wine is the drink of the gods. - John S Blackie
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin
You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott
It was so quiet, a reservation kind of quiet, where you can hear somebody drinking whiskey on the rocks three miles away. - Sherman Alexie
How come if you mix flour and water together you get glue? And when you add eggs and sugar you get cake? Where does the glue go? - Rita Rudner
Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway
If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster
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