Tequila Christmas Cake

Don’t forget to beat off the turner!


Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Tequila Christmas Cake recipe so here goes:

Ingredients:
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup white flower
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs (room temperature)
Nuts (your choice)
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit

Directions:
Sample tequila to check quality; take a large bowl.
Check tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point, it’s best to make sure the tequila is still OK.
Try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the fruit up off the floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity.

Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.
Check the tequila.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.
Cherry Christmas!


QuotaBills
When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb

Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder. - Addison Mizner

Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster

A party without cake is just a meeting. - Julia Child

When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller

Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

Romance is the icing, the love is the cake. - Unknown

Cake is the answer, no matter the question. - Unknown

I am putting real plums into an imaginary cake. - Mary McCarthy

Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman

Music is the wine that fills the cup of silence. - Robert Fripp

What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb

There would be no Christmas if there was no Easter. - Gordon B. Hinckley

If God forbade drinking, would He have made wine so good? - Cardinal Richelieu

Liquor talks mighty loud when it gets loose from the jug. - Joel C Harris

Some call it Cocktail Hour. To me, it's a support group. - Unknown

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction. - Bob Marley

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

I eat cake because it's somebody's birthday somewhere. - Unknown

One martini is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. - James Thurber

God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. - Frank Sinatra

A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges. - Benjamin Franklin

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump

My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King

We're really just the frosting on a cake and we don't know what's inside the cake. - Adam Riess

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. - Joan Collins

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

We have embarked upon the world's largest and longest cocktail party, and every issue imaginable is up for grabs. - Geoffrey Moore

The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker

It's a piece of cake until you get to the top. You find you can't stop playing the game the way you've always played it. - Richard M Nixon

When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown


see also  Bar,  Christmas  &  Food   Sections
Christmas Fruitcake Recipe
Feel Like a Christmas Fruitcake?
How Tequila Works
Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

 

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22-Apr-2021