Tequila Christmas Cake

Don’t forget to beat off the turner!


Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Tequila Christmas Cake recipe so here goes:

Ingredients:
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup white flower
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs (room temperature)
Nuts (your choice)
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit

Directions:
Sample tequila to check quality; take a large bowl.
Check tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point, it’s best to make sure the tequila is still OK.
Try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the fruit up off the floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity.

Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.
Check the tequila.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.
Cherry Christmas!


QuotaBills
Liquor Store: A stupor market - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster

The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - James Thurber

Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas

Every cask smells of the wine it contains. - Spanish Proverb

Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown

Draft Dodger: Someone who avoids beer on tap. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Wine is the most civilized thing in the world. - Ernest Hemingway

Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker

My policy on cake is pro having it and pro eating it. - Boris Johnson

Liquor talks mighty loud when it gets loose from the jug. - Joel C Harris

Some call it Cocktail Hour. To me, it's a support group. - Unknown

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction. - Bob Marley

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin

We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. - Eduardo Galeano

Too much of anything is bad. Too much of good whisky is barely enough. - Mark Twain

A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily. - Dan Seligman

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur

A nice creamy chocolate cake does a lot for a lot of people; it does for me. - Audrey Hepburn

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

If one glass of wine is good for you, just imagine what a whole bottle could do! - Unknown

Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism. - Carl Jung

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. - Joan Collins

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

Dear Diamond,
We all know who is really a girl's best friend.
Yours sincerely,
Chocolate Cake - Unknown

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

We have embarked upon the world's largest and longest cocktail party, and every issue imaginable is up for grabs. - Geoffrey Moore

The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker

You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott

It was so quiet, a reservation kind of quiet, where you can hear somebody drinking whiskey on the rocks three miles away. - Sherman Alexie

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

How come if you mix flour and water together you get glue? And when you add eggs and sugar you get cake? Where does the glue go? - Rita Rudner

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' - Jerry Seinfeld

It's a piece of cake until you get to the top. You find you can't stop playing the game the way you've always played it. - Richard M Nixon

Mancation: A man's vacation. Generally includes lots of beer, a Redneck grill, slabs of meat for cooking and a sack of fireworks. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com


see also  Bar,  Christmas  &  Food   Sections
Christmas Fruitcake Recipe
Feel Like a Christmas Fruitcake?
How Tequila Works
Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

 

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05-Jul-2022