Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Tequila Christmas Cake recipe so here goes:
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup white flower
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
4 large eggs (room temperature)
Nuts (your choice)
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit
Sample tequila to check quality; take a large bowl.
Check tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
At this point, it’s best to make sure the tequila is still OK.
Try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the fruit up off the floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.
Check the tequila.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.
When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb
Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder. - Addison Mizner
Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster
A party without cake is just a meeting. - Julia Child
When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller
Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas
Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson
Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb
Romance is the icing, the love is the cake. - Unknown
Cake is the answer, no matter the question. - Unknown
I am putting real plums into an imaginary cake. - Mary McCarthy
Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman
Music is the wine that fills the cup of silence. - Robert Fripp
What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb
There would be no Christmas if there was no Easter. - Gordon B. Hinckley
If God forbade drinking, would He have made wine so good? - Cardinal Richelieu
Liquor talks mighty loud when it gets loose from the jug. - Joel C Harris
Some call it Cocktail Hour. To me, it's a support group. - Unknown
What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith
Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction. - Bob Marley
Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown
I eat cake because it's somebody's birthday somewhere. - Unknown
One martini is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. - James Thurber
God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying
Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. - Frank Sinatra
A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges. - Benjamin Franklin
I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov
Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis
True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke
Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump
My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown
If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown
Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King
We're really just the frosting on a cake and we don't know what's inside the cake. - Adam Riess
An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan
Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. - Joan Collins
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin
We have embarked upon the world's largest and longest cocktail party, and every issue imaginable is up for grabs. - Geoffrey Moore
The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker
It's a piece of cake until you get to the top. You find you can't stop playing the game the way you've always played it. - Richard M Nixon
When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway
NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown
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