Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Tequila Christmas Cake recipe so here goes:
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup white flower
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
4 large eggs (room temperature)
Nuts (your choice)
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit
Sample tequila to check quality; take a large bowl.
Check tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
At this point, it’s best to make sure the tequila is still OK.
Try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the fruit up off the floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.
Check the tequila.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.
Wine is bottled poetry. - Robert Louis Stevenson
Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling
I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed
Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash
Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen
A party without cake is just a meeting. - Julia Child
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown
The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - American Saying
I like my whiskey old and my women young. - Errol Flynn
We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown
I am putting real plums into an imaginary cake. - Mary McCarthy
Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker
Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson
My policy on cake is pro having it and pro eating it. - Boris Johnson
I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields
It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst
Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction. - Bob Marley
Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown
One martini is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. - James Thurber
Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson
I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill
All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much. - George Harrison
A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard
I don't follow trends. I make each cake for a particular wedding, or event. - Ron Ben-Israel
My favourite place to eat is my grandma's kitchen. She makes a mean crab cake. - Karlie Kloss
One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. - Samuel Johnson
Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake. - Mitch Hedberg
Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis
I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller
We have always said that advertising is just the icing on the cake. It is not the cake. - Meg Whitman
True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker
A bad review is like baking a cake with all the best ingredients and having someone sit on it. - Danielle Steel
We're really just the frosting on a cake and we don't know what's inside the cake. - Adam Riess
I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs. - Robert Downey Jr.
Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. - Fran Lebowitz
I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright
Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put
the batteries. - Milton Berle
Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump
It's a piece of cake until you get to the top. You find you can't stop playing the game the way you've always played it. - Richard M Nixon
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown
When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway
Morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells. - William Taylor
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