Santa’s Rest Room

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

Prose is architecture, not interior decoration, and the Baroque is over. - Ernest Hemingway

My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco

At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope

Music Lover: A man, who upon hearing a soprano in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Francis Bacon

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle