Light Christmas Tree

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

Every man under his own fig tree. - Hebrew Saying

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

The righteous will flourish like the palm tree. - Psalms 92:12

If you hate where you are, move - you are not a tree. - Unknown

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. - Rodney Dangerfield

Preoccupied with a single leaf you won't see the tree. - Vagabond

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree. - Joyce Kilmer

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

Character is the root of the tree; conduct, the fruit it bears. - E.M. Bounds

A meal of bread, cheese, and beer constitutes the perfect food. - Queen Elizabeth I

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, does it make a sound? - Unknown

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

Learn not to talk to me. You shake the tree, a leopard's going to fall out. - Kobe Bryant

Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. - Robert Louis Stevenson

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. - Warren Buffett

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. - Martin Luther

If I had six hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend the first four hours sharpening the axe. - Abraham Lincoln

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown