A young man at a New Year’s Eve party turns to his friend and asks for a cigarette.
“I thought you made a New Year’s resolution to quit smoking,” his friend says.
“I’m in the process of quitting,” the man says. “Right now, I’m in the middle of phase one.
I’ve quit buying.”
Smoking cures weight problems... eventually. - Steven Wright
New Year's Day is every man's birthday. - Charles Lamb
The New Year begins in a snow-storm of white vows. - George William Curtis
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. - Fletcher Knebel
When I go I'll take New Year's Eve with me. - Guy Lombardo
Smoking means always having to say you're sorry. - Tom Ferguson
Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right. - Oprah Winfrey
It wouldn't be New Year's if I didn't have regrets. - William Thomas
I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the year's. - Henry Moore
Every man regards his own life as the New Year’s Eve of time. - Jean Paul Richter
He who breaks a resolution is a weakling. He who makes one is a fool. - F.M. Knowles
And now we welcome the new year. Full of things that have never been. - Rainer M. Rilke
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions! - Joey Adams
Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits. - Unknown
Your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing. - Abraham Lincoln
I phoned my Dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter. - Steven Pearl
Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it's twice as onerous a duty. - John Selden
A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. - Unknown
Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account. - Oscar Wilde
Smoking kills. And if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. - Brooke Shields
One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things. - John Burroughs
The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul. - G K Chesterton
But can one still make resolutions when one is over forty? I live according to twenty-year-old habits. - Andre Gide
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times. - Mark Twain
It was really strange to see all these apes standing around eating popcorn, smoking, wearing sunglasses. - Estella Warren
New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. - Jay Leno
Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. - Benjamin Franklin
Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. - Bill Vaughan
Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year's resolutions, and I've stuck with it ever since. - Dave Beard
If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer. - Clement Freud
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. - Bill Vaughan
An individual starts off by facing his problem with resolution, but a convention saves the resolution for the end. - Unknown
From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining. - Leonard Bernstein
New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. - James Agate
I definitely believe marijuana helps with menstruation. Since I started smoking pot, my girlfriend’s period has become painless for me. - Randy Kagan
New Year's Day ... now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. - Mark Twain
New Year's Day is every man's birthday. - Charles Lamb
The New Year begins in a snow-storm of white vows. - George William Curtis
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. - Fletcher Knebel
When I go I'll take New Year's Eve with me. - Guy Lombardo
Smoking means always having to say you're sorry. - Tom Ferguson
Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right. - Oprah Winfrey
It wouldn't be New Year's if I didn't have regrets. - William Thomas
I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the year's. - Henry Moore
Every man regards his own life as the New Year’s Eve of time. - Jean Paul Richter
He who breaks a resolution is a weakling. He who makes one is a fool. - F.M. Knowles
And now we welcome the new year. Full of things that have never been. - Rainer M. Rilke
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions! - Joey Adams
Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits. - Unknown
Your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing. - Abraham Lincoln
I phoned my Dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter. - Steven Pearl
Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it's twice as onerous a duty. - John Selden
A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. - Unknown
Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account. - Oscar Wilde
Smoking kills. And if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. - Brooke Shields
One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things. - John Burroughs
The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul. - G K Chesterton
But can one still make resolutions when one is over forty? I live according to twenty-year-old habits. - Andre Gide
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times. - Mark Twain
It was really strange to see all these apes standing around eating popcorn, smoking, wearing sunglasses. - Estella Warren
New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. - Jay Leno
Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. - Benjamin Franklin
Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. - Bill Vaughan
Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year's resolutions, and I've stuck with it ever since. - Dave Beard
If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer. - Clement Freud
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. - Bill Vaughan
An individual starts off by facing his problem with resolution, but a convention saves the resolution for the end. - Unknown
From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining. - Leonard Bernstein
New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. - James Agate
I definitely believe marijuana helps with menstruation. Since I started smoking pot, my girlfriend’s period has become painless for me. - Randy Kagan
New Year's Day ... now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. - Mark Twain
see also New Years Section
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Cockroach Cancer
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15-May-2021 |