Irish Virgin

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town’s undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper “final” arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone: “BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN” Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid’s final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone. For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem. The virgin’s tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it reads as follows: “RETURNED UNOPENED” QuotaBills My soul is still Irish. - Ciaran Hinds I'm Irish. We think sideways. - Spike Milligan The gun is not out of Irish politics. - Ian Paisley I'm just a true Irish boy at heart. - Colin Farrell Being Irish, I always had this love of words. - Kenneth Branagh I'm Irish. I think about death all the time. - Jack Nicholson I come from a long line of staunch Irish Catholics. - Robert Vaughn I have a thing for red-haired Irish boys, as we know. - Sandra Bullock Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part. - Irish Blessings Like the Good Book says, "Patience is a virgin." - Archie Bunker God is good to the Irish, but no one else is; not even the Irish. - Unknown It is a symbol of Irish art. The cracked looking-glass of a servant. - James Joyce Irish Americans are no more Irish than Black Americans are Africans. - Bob Geldof Even when they have nothing, the Irish emit a kind of happiness, a joy. - Fiona Shaw The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Unknown Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty I've heard some duff Irish accents. The worst must be Mickey Rourke. - James Nesbitt Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis. - Brendan Behan Being Irish is very much a part of who I am. I take it everywhere with me. - Colin Farrell I come from an Irish Catholic family, and hell-raising is part of the DNA. - Brian Dennehy I've been around so long I can remember Doris Day before she was a virgin. - Groucho Marx Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead Wherever you go and whatever you do, may the luck of the Irish be there with you. - Irish Blessings My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, and me - I'm tan, I guess. - Mariah Carey We Irish will never achieve anything; but we are the greatest talkers since the Greeks. - Oscar Wilde I'm not Irish. Just because I have red hair doesn't mean I'm a lucky charm. - Rebecca Mader I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke I'm Irish. That means I'm Catholic. But, truth is, now I'm a retired Christian. - Peter O'Toole I had a very happy childhood, which is unsuitable if you're going to be an Irish writer. - Maeve Binchy I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. - Robin Williams I think the genetics of being Irish are that you sort of prefer when it's rainy and cloudy. - Kate Flannery What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland I think I'm going to keep my Irish accent forever now in any movie I make, because chicks dig it. - Chris O'Dowd I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine In 1953 there were two ways for an Irish Catholic boy to impress his parents: become a priest or attend Notre Dame. - Phil Donahue Irish poets, learn your trade, sing whatever is well made, scorn the sort now growing up all out of shape from toe to top. - William Butler Yeats If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan see also   Tombstone  Section Flooded Ireland Streets Going Green for Ireland Green Beards Habby Sin Pad-Riggs Dey! Irish Alzheimers Irish Bar Irish Birth Control Irish Blessings and Sayings Irish Diplomacy Irish Dock Overboard Oh-Nos Irish Drink Irish Exam Irish Flood Irish Handcuffs Irish Rugby Fans Irish School Demolition Irish Sky Garden Crater Irish Sunblock Irish Weather Forecasting Irish Yoga - Day 1 Irishman’s First Baseball Game Little Leprechaun Queen’s Recent Visit to Ireland Rainbow Beer St. Patrick’s Day Joe-ks St. Patrick’s Day Riddles St. Patrick’s Dog St. Patrick’s Pot of Gold Swimming Buddies Teddy Bear Dance The Fert What’s Under The Kilt? 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18-Sep-2021