Irish Virgin

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town’s undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper “final” arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone: “BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN” Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid’s final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone. For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem. The virgin’s tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it reads as follows: “RETURNED UNOPENED” QuotaBills No man is an Ireland. - Richard Daley To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy Yes, I am an Irish lass through and through. - Erin Andrews Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce There are not many Irish people playing tennis. - Goran Ivanisevic I had that stubborn streak, the Irish in me I guess. - Gregory Peck I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford Where would the Irish be without someone to be Irish at? - Elizabeth Bowen Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part. - Irish Blessings Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach The Irish forgive their great men when they are safely buried. - Unknown It is a symbol of Irish art. The cracked looking-glass of a servant. - James Joyce The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Unknown I've heard some duff Irish accents. The worst must be Mickey Rourke. - James Nesbitt A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb I come from an Irish Catholic family, and hell-raising is part of the DNA. - Brian Dennehy I've been around so long I can remember Doris Day before she was a virgin. - Groucho Marx Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness I am who I am: an Irish Catholic kid, working class from Long Island. And I made it big. - Bill O'Reilly There are only two kinds of people in the world: the Irish and those who wish they were. - Irish Saying I'm Irish. That means I'm Catholic. But, truth is, now I'm a retired Christian. - Peter O'Toole The Irish do not want anyone to wish them well; they want everyone to wish their enemies ill. - Harold Nicolson Jameson's Irish Whiskey really does improve with age: the older I get the more I like it. - Bob Monkhouse The trouble with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius, with absolutely no talent. - Hugh Leonard Irish boomerang: It doesn't come back, it just sings sad songs about how much it wants to. - Unknown I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. - Robin Williams The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet. - Oliver Herford Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy. - William Butler Yeats I'm Irish on St. Patrick's Day. I'm Italian on Columbus Day. I'm a New Yorker every day. - Tamara Tunie "Burn everything British," he once advised his Irish countrymen, "except their coal." - Jonathan Swift That's the Irish people all over - they treat a joke as a serious thing, and a serious thing as a joke. - Sean O'Casey The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine In 1953 there were two ways for an Irish Catholic boy to impress his parents: become a priest or attend Notre Dame. - Phil Donahue May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you're important and nice, but you take second place all the same. - Iris Murdoch When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Unknown see also   Tombstone  Section Flooded Ireland Streets Going Green for Ireland Green Beards Habby Sin Pad-Riggs Dey! Irish Alzheimers Irish Bar Irish Birth Control Irish Blessings and Sayings Irish Diplomacy Irish Dock Overboard Oh-Nos Irish Drink Irish Exam Irish Flood Irish Handcuffs Irish Rugby Fans Irish School Demolition Irish Sky Garden Crater Irish Sunblock Irish Weather Forecasting Irish Yoga - Day 1 Irishman’s First Baseball Game Little Leprechaun Queen’s Recent Visit to Ireland Rainbow Beer St. Patrick’s Day Joe-ks St. Patrick’s Day Riddles St. Patrick’s Dog St. Patrick’s Pot of Gold Swimming Buddies Teddy Bear Dance The Fert What’s Under The Kilt? 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20-Oct-2020