In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it.
Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town’s undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper “final” arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:
“BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN”
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully.
A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen.
He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid’s final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone. For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.
The virgin’s tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it reads as follows:
“RETURNED UNOPENED”
I am very proud to be Irish. - Philip Treacy
The Irish are a very popular race - with themselves. - Brendan Behan
I'm Irish and Cherokee Indian. I can't faint. - Lynn Collins
Yelling Irish, you can sound like an angry Leprechaun. - Norman Reedus
The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch. - James Boswell
Where would the Irish be without someone to be Irish at? - Elizabeth Bowen
Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part. - Irish Blessings
My Irish derivation has nothing to do with me. Why should it? - Carroll O'Connor
We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill
Irish people are educated not only about artistry but local history. - Fiona Shaw
The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Unknown
Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis. - Brendan Behan
Being Irish is very much a part of who I am. I take it everywhere with me. - Colin Farrell
I come from an Irish Catholic family, and hell-raising is part of the DNA. - Brian Dennehy
What's the use of being Irish if the world doesn't break your heart? - Unknown
Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead
If you're Irish, it doesn't matter where you go - you'll find family. - Victoria Smurfit
Wherever you go and whatever you do, may the luck of the Irish be there with you. - Irish Blessings
My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, and me - I'm tan, I guess. - Mariah Carey
I'm not a walking extra in a Chekhov play; I'm no Slavic gloom or Irish gloom. - Orson Welles
We Irish will never achieve anything; but we are the greatest talkers since the Greeks. - Oscar Wilde
I'm not Irish. Just because I have red hair doesn't mean I'm a lucky charm. - Rebecca Mader
I'm Irish. That means I'm Catholic. But, truth is, now I'm a retired Christian. - Peter O'Toole
The Irish are the only men who know how to cry for the dirty polluted blood of all the world. - Norman Mailer
I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. - Robin Williams
I think the genetics of being Irish are that you sort of prefer when it's rainy and cloudy. - Kate Flannery
Let's just say, I'm Irish. I grew up in the 1950s. Religion had a very tight iron fist. - Liam Neeson
The problem with being Irish is having 'Riverdance' on your back. It's a burden at times. - Roddy Doyle
"Burn everything British," he once advised his Irish countrymen, "except their coal." - Jonathan Swift
I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris
I'm a big fan of the Irish accent. After a couple of drinks, I start to get a bit of an Irish lilt, too. - Emily Ratajkowski
The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson
If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde
As I told Piers Morgan, 'Catholics have confession, whereas Northern Irish Protestants only have interviews.' - James Nesbitt
May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings
Irish poets, learn your trade, sing whatever is well made, scorn the sort now growing up all out of shape from toe to top. - William Butler Yeats
For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor
It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan
Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien
Franklin D. Roosevelt: "Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?",
New York Mayor Al Smith: "Do we now?" - Franklin D Roosevelt
The Irish are a very popular race - with themselves. - Brendan Behan
I'm Irish and Cherokee Indian. I can't faint. - Lynn Collins
Yelling Irish, you can sound like an angry Leprechaun. - Norman Reedus
The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch. - James Boswell
Where would the Irish be without someone to be Irish at? - Elizabeth Bowen
Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part. - Irish Blessings
My Irish derivation has nothing to do with me. Why should it? - Carroll O'Connor
We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill
Irish people are educated not only about artistry but local history. - Fiona Shaw
The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Unknown
Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis. - Brendan Behan
Being Irish is very much a part of who I am. I take it everywhere with me. - Colin Farrell
I come from an Irish Catholic family, and hell-raising is part of the DNA. - Brian Dennehy
What's the use of being Irish if the world doesn't break your heart? - Unknown
Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead
If you're Irish, it doesn't matter where you go - you'll find family. - Victoria Smurfit
Wherever you go and whatever you do, may the luck of the Irish be there with you. - Irish Blessings
My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, and me - I'm tan, I guess. - Mariah Carey
I'm not a walking extra in a Chekhov play; I'm no Slavic gloom or Irish gloom. - Orson Welles
We Irish will never achieve anything; but we are the greatest talkers since the Greeks. - Oscar Wilde
I'm not Irish. Just because I have red hair doesn't mean I'm a lucky charm. - Rebecca Mader
I'm Irish. That means I'm Catholic. But, truth is, now I'm a retired Christian. - Peter O'Toole
The Irish are the only men who know how to cry for the dirty polluted blood of all the world. - Norman Mailer
I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. - Robin Williams
I think the genetics of being Irish are that you sort of prefer when it's rainy and cloudy. - Kate Flannery
Let's just say, I'm Irish. I grew up in the 1950s. Religion had a very tight iron fist. - Liam Neeson
The problem with being Irish is having 'Riverdance' on your back. It's a burden at times. - Roddy Doyle
"Burn everything British," he once advised his Irish countrymen, "except their coal." - Jonathan Swift
I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris
I'm a big fan of the Irish accent. After a couple of drinks, I start to get a bit of an Irish lilt, too. - Emily Ratajkowski
The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson
If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde
As I told Piers Morgan, 'Catholics have confession, whereas Northern Irish Protestants only have interviews.' - James Nesbitt
May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings
Irish poets, learn your trade, sing whatever is well made, scorn the sort now growing up all out of shape from toe to top. - William Butler Yeats
For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor
It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan
Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien
Franklin D. Roosevelt: "Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?",
New York Mayor Al Smith: "Do we now?" - Franklin D Roosevelt
see also Tombstone Section
Flooded Ireland Streets
Going Green for Ireland
Green Beards
Habby Sin Pad-Riggs Dey!
Irish Alzheimers
Irish Bar
Irish Birth Control
Irish Blessings and Sayings
Irish Diplomacy
Irish Dock Overboard Oh-Nos
Irish Drink
Irish Exam
Irish Flood
Irish Handcuffs
Irish Rugby Fans
Irish School Demolition
Irish Sky Garden Crater
Irish Sunblock
Irish Weather Forecasting
Irish Yoga - Day 1
Irishman’s First Baseball Game
Little Leprechaun
Queen’s Recent Visit to Ireland
Rainbow Beer
St. Patrick’s Day Joe-ks
St. Patrick’s Day Riddles
St. Patrick’s Dog
St. Patrick’s Pot of Gold
Swimming Buddies
Teddy Bear Dance
The Fert
What’s Under The Kilt?
Whiskey Around The World
Whiskey Silly
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24-May-2022 |