In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it.
Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town’s undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper “final” arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:
“BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN”
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully.
A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen.
He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid’s final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone. For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.
The virgin’s tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it reads as follows:
“RETURNED UNOPENED”
My soul is still Irish. - Ciaran Hinds
I am very proud to be Irish. - Philip Treacy
Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce
When Irish eyes are smiling, watch your step. - Gerald Kersh
Being Irish, I always had this love of words. - Kenneth Branagh
The Danes and the Irish have a great simpatico. - Pierce Brosnan
I come from a long line of staunch Irish Catholics. - Robert Vaughn
I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford
Where would the Irish be without someone to be Irish at? - Elizabeth Bowen
Like the Good Book says, "Patience is a virgin." - Archie Bunker
Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown
There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge
The Irish forgive their great men when they are safely buried. - Unknown
Irish Alzheimer's - you forget everything except the grudges. - Unknown
Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland - rich and thick. - Samuel Beckett
Irish people are educated not only about artistry but local history. - Fiona Shaw
The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson
The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers
I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe
We Irish will never achieve anything; but we are the greatest talkers since the Greeks. - Oscar Wilde
I'm not Irish. Just because I have red hair doesn't mean I'm a lucky charm. - Rebecca Mader
There are only two kinds of people in the world: the Irish and those who wish they were. - Irish Saying
I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke
I'm Irish. That means I'm Catholic. But, truth is, now I'm a retired Christian. - Peter O'Toole
The Irish are the only men who know how to cry for the dirty polluted blood of all the world. - Norman Mailer
Irish boomerang: It doesn't come back, it just sings sad songs about how much it wants to. - Unknown
Let's just say, I'm Irish. I grew up in the 1950s. Religion had a very tight iron fist. - Liam Neeson
I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. - Jimmy Fallon
I think I'm going to keep my Irish accent forever now in any movie I make, because chicks dig it. - Chris O'Dowd
The curse of the Irish is not that they don't know the words to a song - its that they know them all. - Susan Dooley
I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris
That's the Irish people all over - they treat a joke as a serious thing, and a serious thing as a joke. - Sean O'Casey
I'm a big fan of the Irish accent. After a couple of drinks, I start to get a bit of an Irish lilt, too. - Emily Ratajkowski
Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw
If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft
Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt
It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien
Franklin D. Roosevelt: "Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?",
New York Mayor Al Smith: "Do we now?" - Franklin D Roosevelt
I am very proud to be Irish. - Philip Treacy
Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce
When Irish eyes are smiling, watch your step. - Gerald Kersh
Being Irish, I always had this love of words. - Kenneth Branagh
The Danes and the Irish have a great simpatico. - Pierce Brosnan
I come from a long line of staunch Irish Catholics. - Robert Vaughn
I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford
Where would the Irish be without someone to be Irish at? - Elizabeth Bowen
Like the Good Book says, "Patience is a virgin." - Archie Bunker
Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown
There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge
The Irish forgive their great men when they are safely buried. - Unknown
Irish Alzheimer's - you forget everything except the grudges. - Unknown
Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland - rich and thick. - Samuel Beckett
Irish people are educated not only about artistry but local history. - Fiona Shaw
The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson
The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers
I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe
We Irish will never achieve anything; but we are the greatest talkers since the Greeks. - Oscar Wilde
I'm not Irish. Just because I have red hair doesn't mean I'm a lucky charm. - Rebecca Mader
There are only two kinds of people in the world: the Irish and those who wish they were. - Irish Saying
I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke
I'm Irish. That means I'm Catholic. But, truth is, now I'm a retired Christian. - Peter O'Toole
The Irish are the only men who know how to cry for the dirty polluted blood of all the world. - Norman Mailer
Irish boomerang: It doesn't come back, it just sings sad songs about how much it wants to. - Unknown
Let's just say, I'm Irish. I grew up in the 1950s. Religion had a very tight iron fist. - Liam Neeson
I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. - Jimmy Fallon
I think I'm going to keep my Irish accent forever now in any movie I make, because chicks dig it. - Chris O'Dowd
The curse of the Irish is not that they don't know the words to a song - its that they know them all. - Susan Dooley
I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris
That's the Irish people all over - they treat a joke as a serious thing, and a serious thing as a joke. - Sean O'Casey
I'm a big fan of the Irish accent. After a couple of drinks, I start to get a bit of an Irish lilt, too. - Emily Ratajkowski
Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw
If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft
Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt
It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien
Franklin D. Roosevelt: "Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?",
New York Mayor Al Smith: "Do we now?" - Franklin D Roosevelt
see also Tombstone Section
Flooded Ireland Streets
Going Green for Ireland
Green Beards
Habby Sin Pad-Riggs Dey!
Irish Alzheimers
Irish Bar
Irish Birth Control
Irish Blessings and Sayings
Irish Diplomacy
Irish Dock Overboard Oh-Nos
Irish Drink
Irish Exam
Irish Flood
Irish Handcuffs
Irish Rugby Fans
Irish School Demolition
Irish Sky Garden Crater
Irish Sunblock
Irish Weather Forecasting
Irish Yoga - Day 1
Irishman’s First Baseball Game
Little Leprechaun
Queen’s Recent Visit to Ireland
Rainbow Beer
St. Patrick’s Day Joe-ks
St. Patrick’s Day Riddles
St. Patrick’s Dog
St. Patrick’s Pot of Gold
Swimming Buddies
Teddy Bear Dance
The Fert
What’s Under The Kilt?
Whiskey Around The World
Whiskey Silly
 2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars |  Biden in the Oval Office |  Poor Fishing Day |  Mustache Breeze |  Chain Weave Hairstyle |
 Jar of Birds |  Wheely Unstable |  Roman Segway Chariot |  Rocky Orders |  Snowmobile Races - Get There Early |
 Pocket Change |  Welcome to Texas, USPS |  Not Without A Washer |  Jogger's Weight Scale |  Toilet Snake |
 Eye Testing In Progress |  Parent Signature |  Long Bore Gun |  Bird Cam |  Lost Wormhole |
20-Jan-2021 |