‘Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurting - even the mouse;
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.
Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, while
Upstairs the family continued to snore;
And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
Went into the kitchen and started to clean.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter...
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror -
The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said, “U.S. POSTMAN.”
With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox;
Bill after bill, after bill, they still came,
Whistling and shouting he called them by name:
“Now Dillard’s, now Broadway’s, now Penny’s and Sears,
Here’s Levitz’s and Target’s and Mervyn’s - all here!
To the tip or your limit, every store, every mall,
Now chargeaway-chargeaway-chargeaway all!”
He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work,
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk;
He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.
Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
“Enjoy what you got... you’ll be paying all year!”
I get mail; therefore I am. - Scott Adams
Money: the poor man's credit card. - Marshal McLuhan
A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown
A girl with cotton stockings never sees a mouse. - American Proverb
A mouse never entrusts his life to only one hole. - Plautus
There would be no Christmas if there was no Easter. - Gordon B. Hinckley
Ecrastinate: Checking your e-mail just one more time - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd
The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail. - Stephen Fry
Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value. - Marechal Ferdinand Foch
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. - Walt Disney
Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund
A new toy is something a child uses to break his old toys. - Joe-kster
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. - Steven Wright
Some people use their own hurt as an excuse for hurting others. - Roland Merullo
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy. - Unknown
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio. - Rodney Dangerfield
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard
No matter how old you are, if a little kid hands you a toy phone, you answer it. - Dave Chappelle
It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb
Procrastination is like a credit card: it's a lot of fun until you get the bill. - Christopher Parker
A check or credit card, a Gucci bag strap, anything of value will do. Give as you live. - Jesse Jackson
I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller
If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown
I don't believe in e-mail. I'm an old-fashioned girl. I prefer calling and hanging up. - Sarah Jessica Parker
I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright
The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan
Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey
I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle
We can smile even though we are hurting and we can feel happy even though we are unhappy. It's called strength. - Thea Destiny
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor
I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife. - Ilie Nastase
The new information technology (Internet and e-mail) have practically eliminated the physical costs of communications. - Peter F Drucker
Unbreakable Toy: 1. An object that is indestructible - until a child plays with it; 2. Useful for breaking other toys. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Toy Soldiers was my introduction to film. I certainly didn't think I was doing art by any stretch of the imagination. - Tim Robbins
Went to Disneyland because my daughter's obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her. - Ryan Reynolds
Grandparent: 1. One who knows that spanking is unnecessary; 2. The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mouse trap you set the night before. - Kin Hubbard
see also Christmas & Stress Sections
Christmas Balls
Christmas Bro-quet
Christmas Budget
Christmas Dinner Made Easy
Christmas Fireplace Tip
Christmas Hedgehog
Christmas Light Installation
Christmas Pencil Sharpener
Christmas Possessions To Enter Heaven
Christmas Thrones
Female Santa
Firefighter Decorations
Forget The Present
Gingerbread Reservation
Gingerbread Star Wars Walker
Heathen’s Greetings
Holiday Bike
Jingle Cats’ White Christmas
Merry ChristMouse
Merry House
Montgomery Ward 1934 Christmas Catalog
Office Party Grinch
Pork Bean Christmas
Recession Christmas Tree
Redneck Christmas Sleigh
Reindeer Strike
Santa Claus as a Farmer
Santa Claws Is Coming To Town
Santa Convention
Santa Elephant
Santa For Kids
Santa Stop Lights
Santa’s Last Stop For Mexican Food
Santa’s Scooter Sleigh
Saskatchewan Entrepreneur
Save Santa The Trip
Siberian Santa
Signs of Christmas Everywhere
Texas Hood Ornament
Three Wise Men
Three Wise Women
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14-Aug-2022 |