January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels... “duh”... bottles won’t fit in a typewriter.
March - Got excited... finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months... box said “2-4 years!”
April - Trapped on escalator for hours... power went out.
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid... 8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets.
June - Tried to go water skiing... couldn’t find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast-stroke swimming competition... learned later, other swimmers cheated - they used their arms.
August - Got locked out of car in rainstorm... car swamped, because top was
September - Lost a TV quiz show. The capital of California is “C”... isn’t it?
October - Hate M&M’s... they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days... instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108.
December - Couldn’t call 911... “duh”... there’s no
“eleven” button on the phone.
Blonde, Calendar & New Years Sections
How To Hire Engineers
Business School Basics
Redneck Engagement Ring
Forever Clean Toilet
Up-Set & Hungry Trucks
What Are Your Skills?
Portable Barber Shop
Anger Release Machine
Wake Me At Noon