Santa Trophy - ‘Tis Not The Season To Be Jolly

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Great shot kid, that was one in a million. - Han Solo

Nobody ever died of being shot by a cookie. - Ilona Andrews

A compliment is a booster shot for the ego. - Rita Duskin

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

Fireplace: An office used for discharging people - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

You'll never be as lazy as whoever names the fireplace. - Unknown

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Serenity is knowing that your worst shot is still pretty good. - Johnny Miller

As I like to say, take the shot, even if your knees are shaking. - Robin Roberts

I was an equal opportunity eater. Every ethnic group got a shot. - Bill Clinton

I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago. I shot my broker. - Groucho Marx

There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result. - Winston Churchill

The only point in making money is, you can tell some big shot where to go. - Humphrey Bogart

All I can say is, if they show my butt in a movie, it better be a wide shot. - Jennifer Lopez

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is quite so satisfying as an income tax refund. - Unknown

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas.
How he got into my pyjamas I'll never know. - Groucho Marx

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either use one more club or two more balls. - Unknown

Wood: That remarkable material which burns so easily in a forest and with such difficulty in a fireplace - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. - Steven Wright

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

I have a microwave fireplace in my house... The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes. - Steven Wright

When it comes to politics, I sit down on a sofa and grab some popcorn - or sometimes I crouch down in order not to get shot. - Sergey Galitsky

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

What are fears but voices airy?
Whispering harm where harm is not.
And deluding the unwary
Till the fatal bolt is shot! - William Wordsworth