Christmas Possessions To Enter Heaven

Are you qualified to enter the Pearly Gates?


Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” he said.
“You may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.”
Saint Peter said, “We love the sound of handbells - you may pass through the pearly gates.”

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”

The man replied, “They’re Carols.”




QuotaBills
Even the candle seller dies in the dark. - Colombian Proverb

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

Gladly accept the gifts of the present hour. - Horace

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. - Rita Mae Brown

Rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind. - William Shakespeare

Love is more than a candle. Love can ignite the stars. - Matthew W. Stover

The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. - Garth Brooks

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

A person's fears are lighter when the danger is at hand. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Initiative is to success what a lighted match is to a candle. - Orlando A Battista

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Kyle Chandler

There are eighty-eight keys on a piano and within that, an entire universe. - James Rhodes

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others. - Unknown

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake. - Mitch Hedberg

How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world. - William Shakespeare

Keyboard: 1. Place to hang your keys; 2. The standard way to generate computer errors. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Don't let your dreams rust! Listen to your youthful bells ringing loud inside of you. - Bernard Kelvin Clive

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. - Doug Larson

The purpose of life is to discover your gifts, and the meaning of life is to give them away. - Martin Seligman

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

When asked what gift he wanted for his birthday, the yogi replied: I wish no gifts, only presence. - Unknown

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

We are each given a limitless capacity to love and attain wisdom. The extent we use these gifts is our choice. - Anthony Douglas

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

We are all born with a grab bag on gifts and gaps. Identify your true talents, then find out how to use them to make money. - Bill O'Reilly

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

A sibling may be the keeper of one's identity, the only person with the keys to one's unfettered, more fundamental self. - Marian Sandmaier

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

Unrest of spirit is a mark of life; one problem after another presents itself and in the solving of them we can find our greatest pleasure. - Kal Menninger

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. - Buddha


see also   Christmas  Section
Christmas Fireplace Tip
Forget The Present
Heathen’s Greetings
Merry House
Office Party Grinch
Saskatchewan Entrepreneur
Save Santa The Trip
Signs of Christmas Everywhere
Texas Hood Ornament
Walking In A Doggie Wonderland

 

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Day At The Beach

Luxury Bungalows

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Sheep Dog Distancing

Candy Hairess

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14-Jul-2020