Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. - Rita Mae Brown I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd Love is more than a candle. Love can ignite the stars. - Matthew W. Stover Your children need your presence more than your presents. - Jesse Jackson I do not pray for a lighter load, but for a stronger back. - Philip Brookes It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund As your runway of life gets shorter, the lighter the load. - Joe Segal A person's fears are lighter when the danger is at hand. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue. - Virginia Woolf Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Unknown There are eighty-eight keys on a piano and within that, an entire universe. - James Rhodes Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others. - Unknown The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin If my Valentine you won't be, I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world. - William Shakespeare There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. - Edith Wharton I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. - Doug Larson Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan We are each given a limitless capacity to love and attain wisdom. The extent we use these gifts is our choice. - Anthony Douglas I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' - Jerry Seinfeld Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. - Buddha see also Christmas Section Christmas Fireplace Tip Forget The Present Heathen’s Greetings Merry House Office Party Grinch Saskatchewan Entrepreneur Save Santa The Trip Signs of Christmas Everywhere Texas Hood Ornament Walking In A Doggie Wonderland |
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