Christmas Possessions To Enter Heaven

Are you qualified to enter the Pearly Gates?


Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” he said.
“You may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.”
Saint Peter said, “We love the sound of handbells - you may pass through the pearly gates.”

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”

The man replied, “They’re Carols.”




QuotaBills
Anger blows out the candle of the mind. - Robert G Ingersoll

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Gladly accept the gifts of the present hour. - Horace

Rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind. - William Shakespeare

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. - James Keller

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

Love is more than a candle. Love can ignite the stars. - Matthew W. Stover

Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons. - Ruth Ann Schabacker

I do not pray for a lighter load, but for a stronger back. - Philip Brookes

It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb

As your runway of life gets shorter, the lighter the load. - Joe Segal

I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders. - Yiddish Proverb

A person's fears are lighter when the danger is at hand. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb

Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Kyle Chandler

There are eighty-eight keys on a piano and within that, an entire universe. - James Rhodes

Key Ring: A handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others. - Unknown

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

Keyboard: 1. Place to hang your keys; 2. The standard way to generate computer errors. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody. - Maya Angelou

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. - Doug Larson

Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb

When asked what gift he wanted for his birthday, the yogi replied: I wish no gifts, only presence. - Unknown

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright

We are each given a limitless capacity to love and attain wisdom. The extent we use these gifts is our choice. - Anthony Douglas

Technology is a queer thing. It brings you great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you in the back with the other. - Carrie Snow

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' - Jerry Seinfeld

Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Francis Bacon


see also   Christmas  Section
Christmas Fireplace Tip
Forget The Present
Heathen’s Greetings
Merry House
Office Party Grinch
Saskatchewan Entrepreneur
Save Santa The Trip
Signs of Christmas Everywhere
Texas Hood Ornament
Walking In A Doggie Wonderland

 

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23-Sep-2021