Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” he said.
“You may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.”
Saint Peter said, “We love the sound of handbells - you may pass through the pearly gates.”
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”
The man replied, “They’re Carols.”
Even the candle seller dies in the dark. - Colombian Proverb
Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb
A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown
A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. - James Keller
Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons. - Ruth Ann Schabacker
I do not pray for a lighter load, but for a stronger back. - Philip Brookes
Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund
A person's fears are lighter when the danger is at hand. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon
Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue. - Virginia Woolf
Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Kyle Chandler
There are eighty-eight keys on a piano and within that, an entire universe. - James Rhodes
Those gifts are ever the most acceptable which the giver has made precious. - Ovid
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard
If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway
Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson
Keyboard: 1. Place to hang your keys; 2. The standard way to generate computer errors. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. - Edith Wharton
I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller
True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke
If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. - Doug Larson
The purpose of life is to discover your gifts, and the meaning of life is to give them away. - Martin Seligman
Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb
When asked what gift he wanted for his birthday, the yogi replied: I wish no gifts, only presence. - Unknown
The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes
I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright
True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal
Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey
We are each given a limitless capacity to love and attain wisdom. The extent we use these gifts is our choice. - Anthony Douglas
I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle
Technology is a queer thing. It brings you great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you in the back with the other. - Carrie Snow
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor
We are all born with a grab bag on gifts and gaps. Identify your true talents, then find out how to use them to make money. - Bill O'Reilly
Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' - Jerry Seinfeld
My candle burns at both ends,
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends -
It gives a lovely light! - Edna St Vincent Millay
Unrest of spirit is a mark of life; one problem after another presents itself and in the solving of them we can find our greatest pleasure. - Kal Menninger
Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Francis Bacon
Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb
A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown
A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. - James Keller
Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons. - Ruth Ann Schabacker
I do not pray for a lighter load, but for a stronger back. - Philip Brookes
Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund
A person's fears are lighter when the danger is at hand. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon
Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue. - Virginia Woolf
Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Kyle Chandler
There are eighty-eight keys on a piano and within that, an entire universe. - James Rhodes
Those gifts are ever the most acceptable which the giver has made precious. - Ovid
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard
If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway
Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson
Keyboard: 1. Place to hang your keys; 2. The standard way to generate computer errors. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. - Edith Wharton
I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller
True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke
If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. - Doug Larson
The purpose of life is to discover your gifts, and the meaning of life is to give them away. - Martin Seligman
Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb
When asked what gift he wanted for his birthday, the yogi replied: I wish no gifts, only presence. - Unknown
The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes
I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright
True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal
Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey
We are each given a limitless capacity to love and attain wisdom. The extent we use these gifts is our choice. - Anthony Douglas
I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle
Technology is a queer thing. It brings you great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you in the back with the other. - Carrie Snow
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor
We are all born with a grab bag on gifts and gaps. Identify your true talents, then find out how to use them to make money. - Bill O'Reilly
Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' - Jerry Seinfeld
My candle burns at both ends,
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends -
It gives a lovely light! - Edna St Vincent Millay
Unrest of spirit is a mark of life; one problem after another presents itself and in the solving of them we can find our greatest pleasure. - Kal Menninger
Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Francis Bacon
see also Christmas Section
Christmas Fireplace Tip
Forget The Present
Heathen’s Greetings
Merry House
Office Party Grinch
Saskatchewan Entrepreneur
Save Santa The Trip
Signs of Christmas Everywhere
Texas Hood Ornament
Walking In A Doggie Wonderland
 Venice on a Shoestring Budget |  New Truck Key |  Spiderman's Car |  Knife Throwing Act |  Another Day In Traffic |
 Australian Cyclist |  Garden Gnome |  Mute Button |  Pardon My French |  Irish Pothole |
 Yoga Pants |  Baby Illusion |  Mother Wrench's Gripping Story |  Sechelt Sunrays |  Russian BiteLifter |
 Propane Diving |  Scuba Diving Sucks |  Louisiana Turtle Dogs |  Special Offer |  Parking Squeeze |
29-Oct-2020 |