Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. - Rita Mae Brown Rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind. - William Shakespeare I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd Your children need your presence more than your presents. - Jesse Jackson It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund As your runway of life gets shorter, the lighter the load. - Joe Segal I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders. - Yiddish Proverb A person's fears are lighter when the danger is at hand. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue. - Virginia Woolf Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Kyle Chandler Those gifts are ever the most acceptable which the giver has made precious. - Ovid Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others. - Unknown The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake. - Mitch Hedberg Keyboard: 1. Place to hang your keys; 2. The standard way to generate computer errors. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. - Doug Larson One of the most important gifts we have in television - the ability to heal through laughter. - Soleil M Frye No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle Technology is a queer thing. It brings you great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you in the back with the other. - Carrie Snow A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump Piano playing is more difficult than statesmanship. It is harder to awake emotions in ivory keys than it is in human beings. - Ignace Jan Paderewski You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' - Jerry Seinfeld My candle burns at both ends, It will not last the night; But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends - It gives a lovely light! - Edna St Vincent Millay Unrest of spirit is a mark of life; one problem after another presents itself and in the solving of them we can find our greatest pleasure. - Kal Menninger Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Francis Bacon see also Christmas Section Christmas Fireplace Tip Forget The Present Heathen’s Greetings Merry House Office Party Grinch Saskatchewan Entrepreneur Save Santa The Trip Signs of Christmas Everywhere Texas Hood Ornament Walking In A Doggie Wonderland |
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