Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” he said.
“You may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.”
Saint Peter said, “We love the sound of handbells - you may pass through the pearly gates.”
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”
The man replied, “They’re Carols.”
Anger blows out the candle of the mind. - Robert G Ingersoll
A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown
Gladly accept the gifts of the present hour. - Horace
Rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind. - William Shakespeare
A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. - James Keller
I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd
Love is more than a candle. Love can ignite the stars. - Matthew W. Stover
Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons. - Ruth Ann Schabacker
I do not pray for a lighter load, but for a stronger back. - Philip Brookes
It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb
As your runway of life gets shorter, the lighter the load. - Joe Segal
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders. - Yiddish Proverb
A person's fears are lighter when the danger is at hand. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb
Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison
I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Kyle Chandler
There are eighty-eight keys on a piano and within that, an entire universe. - James Rhodes
Key Ring: A handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others. - Unknown
Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson
Keyboard: 1. Place to hang your keys; 2. The standard way to generate computer errors. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller
True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker
It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody. - Maya Angelou
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke
Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle
If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. - Doug Larson
Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb
When asked what gift he wanted for his birthday, the yogi replied: I wish no gifts, only presence. - Unknown
No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby
The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes
I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright
We are each given a limitless capacity to love and attain wisdom. The extent we use these gifts is our choice. - Anthony Douglas
Technology is a queer thing. It brings you great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you in the back with the other. - Carrie Snow
Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' - Jerry Seinfeld
Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Francis Bacon
A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown
Gladly accept the gifts of the present hour. - Horace
Rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind. - William Shakespeare
A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. - James Keller
I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd
Love is more than a candle. Love can ignite the stars. - Matthew W. Stover
Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons. - Ruth Ann Schabacker
I do not pray for a lighter load, but for a stronger back. - Philip Brookes
It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb
As your runway of life gets shorter, the lighter the load. - Joe Segal
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders. - Yiddish Proverb
A person's fears are lighter when the danger is at hand. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb
Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison
I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Kyle Chandler
There are eighty-eight keys on a piano and within that, an entire universe. - James Rhodes
Key Ring: A handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others. - Unknown
Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson
Keyboard: 1. Place to hang your keys; 2. The standard way to generate computer errors. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller
True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker
It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody. - Maya Angelou
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke
Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle
If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. - Doug Larson
Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb
When asked what gift he wanted for his birthday, the yogi replied: I wish no gifts, only presence. - Unknown
No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby
The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes
I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright
We are each given a limitless capacity to love and attain wisdom. The extent we use these gifts is our choice. - Anthony Douglas
Technology is a queer thing. It brings you great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you in the back with the other. - Carrie Snow
Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' - Jerry Seinfeld
Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Francis Bacon
see also Christmas Section
Christmas Fireplace Tip
Forget The Present
Heathen’s Greetings
Merry House
Office Party Grinch
Saskatchewan Entrepreneur
Save Santa The Trip
Signs of Christmas Everywhere
Texas Hood Ornament
Walking In A Doggie Wonderland
 Starbucks' New Mega Coffee |  Chicks Be Like |  Made His Bed |  Mandeville Mascot |  Morning After Dog |
 Thanks Granny |  Redneck Hands-Free Driving |  No Passing Lanes |  One-Knight Stands |  Live Long Street |
 Texas Car Wash |  1934 Modern Home |  Breakfast Cupcakes |  Microsoft Messenger - Prototype |  Five Firm Brakes Tire |
 Dark Side Bus Stop |  Only in Las Vegas |  Sailing Duck |  Redneck Stairs |  Computer Challenged |
23-Sep-2021 |