Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” he said.
“You may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.”
Saint Peter said, “We love the sound of handbells - you may pass through the pearly gates.”
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”
The man replied, “They’re Carols.”
Even the candle seller dies in the dark. - Colombian Proverb
Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb
Gladly accept the gifts of the present hour. - Horace
One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. - Rita Mae Brown
Rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind. - William Shakespeare
Love is more than a candle. Love can ignite the stars. - Matthew W. Stover
The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. - Garth Brooks
Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund
A person's fears are lighter when the danger is at hand. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb
I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
Initiative is to success what a lighted match is to a candle. - Orlando A Battista
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Kyle Chandler
There are eighty-eight keys on a piano and within that, an entire universe. - James Rhodes
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard
Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson
A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others. - Unknown
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake. - Mitch Hedberg
How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world. - William Shakespeare
Keyboard: 1. Place to hang your keys; 2. The standard way to generate computer errors. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Don't let your dreams rust! Listen to your youthful bells ringing loud inside of you. - Bernard Kelvin Clive
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. - Doug Larson
The purpose of life is to discover your gifts, and the meaning of life is to give them away. - Martin Seligman
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright
When asked what gift he wanted for his birthday, the yogi replied: I wish no gifts, only presence. - Unknown
No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby
I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan
We are each given a limitless capacity to love and attain wisdom. The extent we use these gifts is our choice. - Anthony Douglas
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor
We are all born with a grab bag on gifts and gaps. Identify your true talents, then find out how to use them to make money. - Bill O'Reilly
Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump
A sibling may be the keeper of one's identity, the only person with the keys to one's unfettered, more fundamental self. - Marian Sandmaier
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple
Unrest of spirit is a mark of life; one problem after another presents itself and in the solving of them we can find our greatest pleasure. - Kal Menninger
Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. - Buddha
Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb
Gladly accept the gifts of the present hour. - Horace
One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. - Rita Mae Brown
Rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind. - William Shakespeare
Love is more than a candle. Love can ignite the stars. - Matthew W. Stover
The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. - Garth Brooks
Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund
A person's fears are lighter when the danger is at hand. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb
I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
Initiative is to success what a lighted match is to a candle. - Orlando A Battista
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Kyle Chandler
There are eighty-eight keys on a piano and within that, an entire universe. - James Rhodes
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard
Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson
A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others. - Unknown
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake. - Mitch Hedberg
How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world. - William Shakespeare
Keyboard: 1. Place to hang your keys; 2. The standard way to generate computer errors. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Don't let your dreams rust! Listen to your youthful bells ringing loud inside of you. - Bernard Kelvin Clive
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. - Doug Larson
The purpose of life is to discover your gifts, and the meaning of life is to give them away. - Martin Seligman
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright
When asked what gift he wanted for his birthday, the yogi replied: I wish no gifts, only presence. - Unknown
No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby
I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan
We are each given a limitless capacity to love and attain wisdom. The extent we use these gifts is our choice. - Anthony Douglas
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor
We are all born with a grab bag on gifts and gaps. Identify your true talents, then find out how to use them to make money. - Bill O'Reilly
Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump
A sibling may be the keeper of one's identity, the only person with the keys to one's unfettered, more fundamental self. - Marian Sandmaier
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple
Unrest of spirit is a mark of life; one problem after another presents itself and in the solving of them we can find our greatest pleasure. - Kal Menninger
Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. - Buddha
see also Christmas Section
Christmas Fireplace Tip
Forget The Present
Heathen’s Greetings
Merry House
Office Party Grinch
Saskatchewan Entrepreneur
Save Santa The Trip
Signs of Christmas Everywhere
Texas Hood Ornament
Walking In A Doggie Wonderland
 Shadow Seats |  Alice In Hulaland |  French Army Knife |  Putting Your Foot Down |  Chicken Rider |
 ManHole |  Hurricane Irene |  Day At The Beach |  Luxury Bungalows |  Baby Brew |
 Kids Klub |  Sheep Dog Distancing |  Candy Hairess |  Haircut For Staff Meetings |  Bag Hang-Up |
 Dog Spa |  Pacman Skeleton |  Young Rock Star |  Shoplifter Warning |  Eavestrough Cat |
14-Jul-2020 |