’Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide
celebration and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in
evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of
diminutive rodent known as Mus musculus.
Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood-burning
caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent
visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations
is the honorific title of St. Nick.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective
accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations
of variegated saccarinose fruit confections performing choreography through
their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal
head-coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the Arctic-like gloom
when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended such a
cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my
place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source thereof.
Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing this
fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance without, reflecting as
it was upon the surface of a recent crystalline aqueous precipitation, might be
said to rival that of the solar meridian itself--thus permitting my incredulous
optical sensory organs to behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance, drawn
by an octet of diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a
miniscule, aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly
apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated beatified caller. With this
ungulate motive power traveling at a greater vertiginous velocity than patriotic
alar predators, he vociferated loudly, expelled breath musically through
contracted labia, and addressed each of the octet by his or her cognomen: “Now
Dasher, now Dancer,” et al, guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of our
abode, through which structure I could readily distinguish the concatenations of
each of the sum total of the thirty-two cloven pedal extremities.
As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location and was performing a pi
radians pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved, with utmost celerity, via a
downward salutation, entry by way of the ceramic smoke passage. He was clad
entirely in animal integuments, soiled by the ebony residue from partial
oxidation of carboniferous fuels. His resemblance to a street vendor I
attributed to the plethora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a
commodious cloth receptacle. His orbs were scintillant with reflected
luminosity, while his submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of
engaging amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and nasal
appurtenances were engorged with crimson circulatory fluid which, its chroma
suffusing the dermal layers, approximated the retinal sensation reflected by the
Prunus avium, or sweet cherry. His amusing sub and supralabials resembled
nothing so much as a flexible, curved strip of wood associated with the American
aborigines and their ambient, hirsute, facial adornment had an absence of
coloring comparable to crystalline frozen hydrogen oxide vapor.
Clenched firmly between his incisors was the posterior projection of acalumet
whose gray colloidal aerosol fumes, forming a tenuous ellipticaltorus about his
occiput, were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage
was wider than it was high, and when he waxed mirthful, his corpulent abdominal
region undulated in the manner of inpectinated fruit syrup in a colloidal gel
state within a hemispherical container. He was of Napoleonic stature, neither
more nor less than an obese, jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical perception
of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from
being so affected by this risiblity. By rapidly lowering and then elevating one
eyelid and rotating his head slightly eccentricly, he indicated that trepidation
on my part was superfluous. Without utterance, but with noticeable dispatch, he
commenced filling the aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the
articles of merchandise extracted from his aforementioned previously
dorsally transported cloth receptacle.
Upon completion of this task, he executed an abrupt pi radian rotation about the
vertical axis, placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his
olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of leave taking, and
effected his egress by salutation up the smoke passage through which he had made
ingress. He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his rustic winter
conveyance. Contracting his oral sphincter, he emitted a shrill series of notes
to the antlered quadrupeds of burden and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement
hitherto observed chiefly among the seed bearing portions of a common weed. But
I overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately prior to his
vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility: “Ecstatic Yuletide to the
planetary constituency, and to the selfsame assemblage, my sincerest wishes for
a salubriously beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and
dawn.”
see also
Chemistry,
Christmas,
College &
Engineer Sections
Aussie Night Before Christmas
Aviator’s Night Before Christmas
Biker’s Night Before Christmas
Bronx Night Before Christmas
Contract Spec Writer’s Night Before Christmas
Dieter’s Night Before Christmas
Genealogist’s Night Before Christmas
Ghetto Night Before Christmas
Hanukkah Night Before Christmas
Italian Night Before Christmas
Jewish-Chinese Night before Christmas
Legal Speak Night Before Christmas
Networkologist’s Night Before Christmas
Politically Correct Night Before Christmas
Redneck Night Before Christmas
Spanish Night Before Christmas
Star Trek ‘Next Generation’ Night Before Christmas
Star Wars Christmas
Texas Night Before Christmas
‘Twas the Internet Night Before Christmas
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas
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05-Jul-2022 |