Gynecologist Exam

Repeating yourself in front of a patient


Martha went to her new gynecologist for her first exam.

The doctor got her in the stirrups and spread her legs. Then the doctor said, “Oh My God!!! In all of my career, I have never seen such a huge vagina! … huge vagina!”

She said, “Doctor, I know it and I’m very self-conscious about it. You didn’t have to repeat yourself.”

The doctor replied, “I didn’t. It was an echo!”


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Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard

Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins

Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns

Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung

Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter

Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith

I'm not a Gynecologist but I'll take a look. - Unknown

Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown

The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

There is no cure for death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney

You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis

I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

I have the body of an eighteen-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney

The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke

My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk

The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst

When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat

Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans

The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer

The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard

I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I

My mother had this amazing attitude in the face of everything, including when she got cancer. - Bill Clinton

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston

Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio

A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. - Geoffrey Norman

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost

If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

I blinked and I cured my brain. That's how. Everybody has the power. Can't is the cancer of happen. - Charlie Sheen

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly

Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw

I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

There's a belonging problem in Hollywood. Who dictates who belongs? The very body who dictates that looks all one way. - Ava DuVernay

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins

A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown

Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

When a woman puts on a heel, she has a different posture, a different attitude. She really stands up and has a consciousness of her body. - Christian Louboutin

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha

If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. - George S Patton

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain


see also   Doctor  Section
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31-Mar-2020