The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. Life is too short for traffic. - Dan Bellack Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson Traffic Ticket: Finale of the policeman's bawl - Daffynitions joe-ks.com I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. - David Letterman Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side. - Archie Bunker Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. - Henny Youngman Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford I'm Jewish, so I don't know much about Easter eggs. - Simon Kinberg Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck The beaten path is the safest, but the traffic's terrible. - Jeff Taylor You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck Ford used to have a better idea; now they don't have a clue. - Steve Kravitz Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore We all thought we'd have flying cars by now, but we don't. - Dana Brunetti To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. - Dan Rather A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont Jerry Ford is a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off. - Lyndon Baines Johnson You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker This is a Jewish cake - they give this to a Jewish kid before he gets circumscribed. - Archie Bunker Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright Coming from Canada, being a writer and Jewish as well, I have impeccable paranoia credentials. - Mordecai Richler The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by traffic from both sides. - Margaret Thatcher If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard It's much easier to double your business by doubling your conversion rate than doubling your traffic. - Bryan Eisenberg There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke This is the real enemy, the invader from the East, the Druze, the ruffian, the oriental parasite; in a word: the Jew. - George Bernard Shaw For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 2,000 MPG. - Bill Gates I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman Passover and Easter are the only Jewish and Christian holidays that move in sync, like the ice skating pairs we saw during the winter Olympics. - Marvin Olasky When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright
see also
Car Section |
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