Leading economic indicators in today’s economy
My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can’t afford batteries.
CEOs are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ounce.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s name.
My cousin had an exorcism but couldn’t afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her.
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
When Bill and Hillary travel together they now have to share a room.
The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
Yacht: a floating box you throw money into. - Unknown
I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar. - Steven Wright
Fidelity bought with money can be overcome by money. - Seneca
I can live without money, but I cannot live without love. - Judy Garland
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? - George Carlin
Character is the root of the tree; conduct, the fruit it bears. - E.M. Bounds
If a little money does not go out, great money will not come in. - Chinese Proverb
An education obtained with money is worse than no education at all. - Socrates
Being rich is better than being poor, if only for financial reasons. - Woody Allen
Yachting: standing in a cold shower tearing up hundred-dollar bills. - Unknown
The more money an American accumulates, the less interesting he becomes. - Gore Vidal
Money can't buy you friends, but you can get a better class of enemy. - Spike Milligan
The most popular labor-saving device today is still a husband with money. - Joey Adams
Money can't buy happiness, but it helps you look for it in more places. - Milton Berle
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
We do not inherit the earth from our parents. We borrow it from our children. - Unknown
Will you marry me? Do you have any money?
Answer the second question first. - Groucho Marx
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated. - Will Rogers
Do not hire a man who does your work for money, but him who does it for love of it. - Henry David Thoreau
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more. (Friend or Money!) - Unknown
It's better to do nothing with your money than something you don't understand. - Suze Orman
The rich take life one financial year at a time. The poor take life one meal at a time. - Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping. - Bo Derek
France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper. - Billy Wilder
At the heart of the Irish economy has always been the philosophy of tax competitiveness. - Bono
Shopping: The fine art of acquiring things you don't need with money you don't have. - Unknown
Money itself doesn't interest me. But you must make money to go on building the business. - Rupert Murdoch
It would be nice if the poor were to get even half of the money that is spent in studying them. - Bill Vaughan
I actually lost 90 pounds over the course of 15 months in order to save money on life insurance. - Derek Kilmer
I'm proud to be paying taxes. The only thing is, I could be just as proud for half the money. - Arthur Godfrey
The ideal man bears the accidents of life with dignity and grace, making the best of circumstances. - Aristotle
We shouldn't spend money on things we don't need when others don't have the things they do. - Peter Singer
America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for a dollar and use it up in two weeks. - Barrymore
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
Always remember money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense. - Earl Wilson
Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla. - Jim Bishop
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. - Joan Rivers
Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea. - Woody Allen
Street League Skateboarding is the premier professional skateboarding league in the world, with the biggest prize money in history. - Rob Dyrdek
Business, Finance & Stress
Read My Lipstick
Standard & Poor’s Downgrade
Segway in Rural Norway
It's Too Cold To Ride Outside
Ye Olde Simple Simon
High Tensile Snow
Squirrel Feeder Trap
2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)
Florida Sewer Rat
Ready To Leave