Headline Stories

Lawyer one-upmanship - on himself

Has your sister been a pain this week?



Attorney accidentally sues himself
What goes around comes around...


We had no idea anyone was buried there!


Civil War Planes? Where did I put those history books...


Please - if you’ve seen this man...


And you wonder why...


Don’t you hate those DOE guys who do the NEPA’s EIS on
BNFL’s AMWTP at INEEL after SRA protests?


Only in America...


What are the odds of that?


The real reason for Government sub-prime
mortgage debt write-offs...


Winner of a local dog look-alike contest -
he does look exactly like his dog!


Just a friendly reminder...


Just when you thought it was around age 20...


When the Supreme Court has Noah idea what it’s talking about...


An artist’s conception of a football field after an electrical
transformer failure, knocking out the stadium lights...


“I wouldn’t do it again,” says the hero.
“She’s been a pain this week.”



QuotaBills
Lawyers are the jackals of commerce. - Elbert Hubbard

Do you not know that I am above the law? - James II

We judge of man's wisdom by his hope. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. - Charles Lamb

Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. - Thomas Jefferson

Do not judge, and you will never be mistaken. - Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Judge a man by the reputation of his enemies. - Arabian Proverb

Mother-In-Law Sandwich: Cold shoulder and tongue - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Lawyers are men who hire out their words and anger. - Robert Christy

The law must be stable, but it must not stand still. - Roscoe Pound

Law of the Supermarket: The other line moves faster. - Unknown

Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. - Groucho Marx

Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke. - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

It is a secret worth knowing, that lawyers rarely go to law. - Moses Crowell

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. - Hubert Humphrey

I can have peace of mind only when I forgive rather than judge. - Gerald Jampolsky

Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. - Boethius

You can not stop the spread of an idea by passing a law against it. - Harry S Truman

Don't judge someone just because they sin differently than you. - Unknown

When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. - Wayne W. Dyer

How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? - Jay Leno

Be kind to your mother-in-law but pay for her board at some good hotel. - Josh Billings

He who will always be his own lawyer will often have a fool for a client. - J Hunter

The only stable state is the one in which all men are equal before the law. - Aristotle

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman

It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz

Lawyers are like scissors; they never cut each other, but what is between them. - Unknown

May you live your life as if the maxim of your actions were to become universal law. - Immanuel Kant

Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick skinned, short-sighted, and always ready to charge. - David Mellor

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Canada is founded upon principles that recognize the supremacy of God and the rule of law. - Stockwell Day

My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez

Law: an ordinance of reason for the common good, made by him who has care of the community. - Thomas Aquinas

Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again. - Nelson Mandela

Zymurgy’s Law of Volunteer Labour: People are always available for work in the past tense - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We lawyers learn to study the faces of our witnesses, to form quick judgments, and to act upon them. - Lyman Abbott

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I used the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. - Fred Allen

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

No oppression is so heavy or lasting as that which is inflicted by the perversion and exorbitance of legal authority. - Joseph Addison

Lawyers were notorious for finding cases in the most unlikely places, especially ones with huge potential damage awards. - Jodi Picoult

How lawyers make work for one another! You're all priests, worshipping the same god. No wonder you adore one another. - Joyce Carol Oates

Englishmen learn Christ's law best in English. Moses heard God's law in his own tongue; so did Christ's apostles. - John Wycliffe

The question arises: whether all lawyers are the same. This is like asking whether everything that gets into a sewer is garbage. - Florynce R Kennedy

Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot

Man has made 32 million laws since the Commandments were handed down to Moses on Mount Sinai... but he has never improved on God's law. - Cecil B. DeMille

Lawyers are doubters, skeptics; not in a bad sense. But they never know any thing absolutely and utterly without qualifications or modifications. - G N Tillman

The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honour, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?" - Steven Wright

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: "President Can't Swim." - Lyndon B. Johnson

What we lawyers want to do is to substitute courts for carnage, dockets for rockets, briefs for bombs, warrants for warheads, mandates for missiles. - George Rhyne


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19-Jun-2021