Church Sign Humour

Religion is the opiate of the masses. - Karl Marx

That Meathead calls me a religious phonetic. - Archie Bunker

The church is the great lost-and-found department. - Robert Short

The atheist religion don't believe in the bible. - Archie Bunker

Of all the bad men, religious bad men are the worst. - C S Lewis

I once dieted so religiously I quit eating in Church. - Zig Ziglar

Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind. - Terry Pratchett

This is a feminist bookstore. There is no humour section. - John Callahan

A rigorous religion can be conceived and nurtured in ignorance. - Ravi Zacharias

Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind. - Albert Einstein

To be born in India is to arrive into the world swimming in religion. - Ravi Zacharias

A thorough knowledge of the Bible is worth more than a college education. - Theodore Roosevelt

The Religion that is afraid of science dishonors God and commits suicide. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The sign said "eight items or less." So I changed my name to Les. - Steven Wright

No mind is thoroughly well organized that is deficient in a sense of humour. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

I see religion more as a truck stop on your way to figuring out who you are. - Brad Pitt

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

I won't take my religion from any man who never works except with his mouth. - Carl Sandburg

My favourite characters in the Bible are King David, Delilah and Charlton Heston. - Milton Berle

Humour is practically the only thing about which the English are utterly serious. - Malcolm Muggeridge

To be religious is to have a life that flows with the presence of the extraordinary. - Ann Belford Ulanov

The world is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion. - Thomas Paine

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

I definitely want my son Brooklyn christened, but I don't know into what religion yet. - David Beckham

Later, he told his nephew that religion required careful thought, not reflexive acceptance. - Thomas Jefferson

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. - Blaise Pascal

No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement. - Florida Scott-Maxwell

If religion is to be treated with intellectual respect, then it must stand the test of truth. - Ravi Zacharias

If the sign on your heart says, "WELCOME", the love will come pouring in from everywhere. - Susan Jeffers

Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong, even though they say it's okay in the Bible. - Homer Simpson

She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman. - Oscar Wilde

Pain is a sign that we are alive. Problems are a sign that we are strong. Prayer is a sign that we are not alone. - Unknown

It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand. - Mark Twain

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

One of the signs of passing youth is the birth of a sense of fellowship with other human beings as we take our place among them. - Virginia Woolf

I find that the nicest and best people generally profess no religion at all, but are ready to like the best men of all religions. - Samuel Butler

No sign of pleasure greeted the announcement. The mood in the hall was leaden.
My mood was livelier. Fright is livelier than lead. - Gail Carson Levine

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

To say that authority, whether secular or religious, supplies no ground for morality is not to deny the obvious fact that it supplies a sanction. - Joseph Addison