Thou Shalt Not Park Here
How to rid yourself of problem parkers

The parking lot at the Baptist Church was always full because the members of a Presbyterian Church, one block away, were always using it in spite of being requested many times not to do so.

Finally, the Baptist Church minister had bumper stickers put on all the cars in their lot saying, “I’m proud to be a Baptist”.

There were no more parking problems...


QuotaBills
Religion: a great perhaps. - Francois Rabelais

Parking is such street sorrow. - Herb Caen

Faith is under the left nipple. - Martin Luther

Tea is a religion of the art of life. - Okakura Kakuzo

There is no substitute for the Bible. - Henry Halley

God does not play dice with the universe. - Albert Einstein

God is silent. Now if only man would shut up. - Woody Allen

Some Catlick priest sprinkling incest over everyone. - Archie Bunker

A refusal of praise is a desire to be praised twice. - Francois de la Rochefoucauld

Of all the bad men, religious bad men are the worst. - C S Lewis

Faith is not something to grasp, it is a state to grow into. - Mohandas Gandhi

Praise adds nothing to beauty - makes it neither better nor worse. - Marcus Aurelius

If God had intended us to fly, He would never have given us railways. - Michael Flanders

I had only a little time left and I didn't want to waste it on God. - Albert Camus

The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist 'Jack.' - H L Mencken

All effort is in the last analysis sustained by faith that it is worth making. - Ordway Tead

We make our friends. We make our enemies. But God makes our next-door neighbour. - G K Chesterton

I am a story teller. If I wanted to send a message I would have written a sermon. - Phillip Pullman

It is true greatness to have in one the frailty of a man and the security of a god. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God. - Leo Buscaglia

No man can be called friendless when he has God and the companionship of good books. - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

I'm a Catholic deer hunter. I am happy to be clinging to my guns and my religion. - Paul Ryan

I am still far from being what I want to be, but with God's help I shall succeed. - Vincent Van Gogh

We failed, but in the good providence of God, apparent failure often proves a blessing. - Robert E Lee

Animals are simply sophisticated machines created by the infinitely skilled artisan, God. - Brian G Henning

Only priests and fools are fearless and I've never been on the best of terms with God. - Patrick Rothfuss

Let praise be given equally to women as well as men who have been distinguished in virtue. - Plato

An author in his book must be like God in the universe: present everywhere and visible nowhere. - Gustave Flaubert

Faith is to believe what you do not yet see; the reward for this faith is to see what you believe. - Saint Augustine

Faith is a fine invention
When Gentlemen can see -
But Microscopes are prudent
In an Emergency. - Emily Dickinson

I think people need to be educated to the fact that marijuana is not a drug. Marijuana is a flower. God put it here. - Willie Nelson

The antidote to frustration is a calm faith, not in your own cleverness, or in hard toil, but in God's guidance. - Norman Vincent Peale

"I am who I am", said God to Moses regarding His name, because none was worth to be compared to His godhead. - Toba Beta

You must mind and not lower the Church in people's eyes by seeming to be frightened about it for such a little thing. - George Eliot

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. - Garrison Keillor

God proved His love on the Cross. When Christ hung, and bled, and died, it was God saying to the world, 'I love you.' - Billy Graham

If God forgives us we must forgive ourselves. Otherwise, it is almost like setting up ourselves as a higher tribunal than Him. - C S Lewis

I am quite sure now that often in matters concerning religion and politics, a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkeys. - Mark Twain

I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station, through which God speaks to us every hour, if we will only tune in. - George Washington Carver

I do not doubt that we would become more useful if we praised God more, and others would join us, for they would see that God has blessed us. - Charles Spurgeon


see also   Religious  Section
Tempting Parking Spot

Ain’t Peter's Place
All Dogs Go To Heaven
All Dogs Go To Heaven Sign Debate
An Evening Prayer
Are You Ready?
Ark Walk
Atheist Professor
Autographed Copy
Bacon Reasons
Baptised Trespassers
Barn Art
Beware Of Who Is Watching Over Your Church
Bible Bar
Bible Reference
Biblical Humour
Biggest Turkeys
Breakable Postal Package
Cat Hat
Catch Up With Jesus
Church Humour
Church Karma
Church on Wheels
Church Sign Generator
Church Sign Messages
Church Signs
Communion Wafers
Confession Today
Da End Iss Near
Daily Inspiration
Day of Light and Darkness
Dead Sea Fish
Devil Sky
Disciple Golf Day
Dr. Plank - 'Speck Out Of Your Eye' Guy
Easter Math
Equal Rights Church
Faith Forever
Food Bank Closure
For Your Synths
Friar Thumper
Garden of Eat’En
God Darts
Godzilla vs God
God’s Billboard
God’s Little Instructions
Golf Prayer
Golfing Nun
Gregorian Monk
Halo to the Holy Dog
He Might Wait A Long Time
How To Make Holy Water
How To Tweet Others
If God Had Texted the 10 Commandments
In-Spired Safety Tip
Inspiring Funeral Home
Japanese Christmas
Jerusalem Obituary,  33 A.D.
Jesus Drove A Honda
Jesus On The Beach
Jesus Was Here
Job Interview With God
John The Baptist Souvenirs
Join The Resistance
Judas Asparagus
Leading a Remote Life
Leaving A Good Impression
Letters to God - From Children
Limit Of Two
Miracle Walk
Moldy Bible
Moses As A Lifeguard
Moses’ Computer Skills
Moses’ Headache Relief
Moses’ Headache Relief - the Sequel
Moses Inspiration
Moses Parting the Ice Field
Moses’ USB Tablets
Need A Lifeguard?
New Nativity Scene
New School Prayer
No Separation
No Shorts
Noah Called
Notre Dame Fire
Nun Chairs - Great Looking Legs
On The Eighth Day
Organ Donor
Original Homeland Security - 2nd Amendment
Orthodox Weapon
Please Help My Car
Prayer Conditioning
Prayer for 2020
Prayer Request for Bob
Praying For Their Enemies in Edmonton?
Rabbi Road
Read The Fine Print
Redneck Revenge
Reformed Buddhists
Religious Nuts
Ruling On Criticism
Snow Prayers
Soul Repair
Sundae Sermon
Sunday Weather Forecast
Superior Church
The End Is Near
The Eye of God
The Fall Of Adam
The Power Of Faith
The Resurrection
The Stoned Age & Judyism by College Students
The Very First King Size Bed
Trump Cross
Uplifting Church
Vatican Chess
Walkway To Heaven
Wash Away Sins
What Good Shall I Do This Day?
With The Pope
World’s Oldest Menorah
Yes!
You Turn
Youth Pastor’s Last Speech

 

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22-Oct-2020