A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun. Golf is a good walk spoiled. - Mark Twain All is fair in love and golf. - American Proverb Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns. - Unknown Retire to what? I already play golf and fish for a living. - Julius Boros Hold me, grip me, cherish me, pretend that I'm a golf club! - Unknown When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. - Unknown The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. - Billy Graham I got a new set of golf clubs for my husband. Best trade I ever made. - Unknown Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. - Paul Harvey I don't need to know where the green is. Where is the golf course? - Babe Ruth If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business. - Joey Adams How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now. - Dwight D Eisenhower I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. - Gerald R. Ford One advantage of golf over bowling is that you never lose a bowling ball. - Don Carter Show me a good loser and I'll show you a man playing golf with his boss. - Unknown Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. - Jack Lemmon Golf is the worst drug in the world. You just keep coming back fro more embarrassment. - Deacon Jones I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx Sometimes the game of golf is just too difficult to endure with a golf club in your hands. - Bobby Jones One of the quickest ways to meet new people is to pick up the wrong ball on a golf course. - Unknown The only reason I ever played golf in the first place was so I could afford to hunt and fish. - Sam Snead I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser. - Arnold Palmer If NASA really wants to find water on Mars, they should just send me there to hit a golf ball. - Gene Jaster Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks, and hitting things with a stick. - P.J. O'Rourke Don't you just hate it when you try to think of something other than golf... and you can't? - Mike Purkey Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. - Bertrand Russell Golf is like any other sports competition. There is not a whole lot of point to it unless someone suffers. - Kevin Wohl My parents live in a retirement community, which is basically a minimum-security prison with a golf course. - Joel Warshaw I'm 42 around the chest, 52 around the waist, 92 around the golf course, and a nuisance around the house. - Groucho Marx Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. - Unknown One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. - Lyndon B. Johnson Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. - Tiger Woods I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox Learning to play golf is like learning to play the violin. It's not only difficult to do, it's very painful to everyone around you. - Hal Linden If Obama resigns from office NOW, thereby doing a great service to the country, I will give him free lifetime golf at any one of my courses. - Donald Trump Golf is a thinking man's game. You can have all the shots in the bag, but if you don't know what to do with them, you've got troubles. - Chi Chi Rodriguez I don't know him very well... I've played him at golf and beat him badly both times, and I think that probably had a negative impact on him. - Donald Trump see also Golf Section Golf Gimme Golf in South America Golf Like I Do Voodoo Golf Tree |
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