A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun.
He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day!
The day before he’s to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room. When he’s checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees:
Golf: $1. 00
Dinner: $1.00.
Room: $1.00.
Sleeve of golf balls: $3,000.00.
He hits the ceiling!
Calling over to the manager, he asks, “What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three thousand for three golf balls?”
“I’m sorry, sir,” said the manager, “but you didn’t read the fine print in our promotional brochure - that’s what our golf balls cost.”
“Well,” said the man, “If I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could’ve gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a thousand dollars a day for a room. At least I would’ve known what I was paying for!”
“That’s right, sir, you could have,” said the manager. “Over there they get you by the room. Over here, we get you by the balls.”
Golf is a puzzle without an answer. - Gary Player
Work: The thing that interferes with golf. - Frank Dane
Golf, like measles, should be caught young. - P G Wodehouse
Golf is an easy game, it's just hard to play. - Unknown
Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns. - Unknown
If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. - Paul Gallico
The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf. - Will Rogers
Hold me, grip me, cherish me, pretend that I'm a golf club! - Unknown
Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the players well. - Unknown
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. - Billy Graham
I don't need to know where the green is. Where is the golf course? - Babe Ruth
Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. - Will Rogers
I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. - Gerald R. Ford
One advantage of golf over bowling is that you never lose a bowling ball. - Don Carter
In golf as in life, it's the follow-through that makes the difference. - Unknown
Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret
Good Sportsmanship: Not picking up lost golf balls while they are still rolling - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf. - H L Mencken
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. - Jack Lemmon
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain
The only reason I ever played golf in the first place was so I could afford to hunt and fish. - Sam Snead
They say that life is a lot like golf - don't believe them. Golf is a lot more complicated. - Gardner Dickinson
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks, and hitting things with a stick. - P.J. O'Rourke
Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor
The reason your golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so that you can't see him laughing. - Phyllis Diller
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. - Bob Hope
My parents live in a retirement community, which is basically a minimum-security prison with a golf course. - Joel Warshaw
Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
I'm 42 around the chest, 52 around the waist, 92 around the golf course, and a nuisance around the house. - Groucho Marx
The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. - Ernest Hemingway
Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. - Unknown
One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. - Lyndon B. Johnson
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. - Tiger Woods
I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox
Golf is like a love affair: If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. - Arthur Daley
Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill designed for the purpose. - Winston Churchill
If Obama resigns from office NOW, thereby doing a great service to the country, I will give him free lifetime golf at any one of my courses. - Donald Trump
Golf is a thinking man's game. You can have all the shots in the bag, but if you don't know what to do with them, you've got troubles. - Chi Chi Rodriguez
I don't know him very well... I've played him at golf and beat him badly both times, and I think that probably had a negative impact on him. - Donald Trump
see also Golf Section
Golf Gimme
Golf in South America
Golf Like I Do
Voodoo Golf Tree
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21-May-2022 |