A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun.
He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day!
The day before he’s to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room. When he’s checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees:
Golf: $1. 00
Dinner: $1.00.
Room: $1.00.
Sleeve of golf balls: $3,000.00.
He hits the ceiling!
Calling over to the manager, he asks, “What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three thousand for three golf balls?”
“I’m sorry, sir,” said the manager, “but you didn’t read the fine print in our promotional brochure - that’s what our golf balls cost.”
“Well,” said the man, “If I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could’ve gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a thousand dollars a day for a room. At least I would’ve known what I was paying for!”
“That’s right, sir, you could have,” said the manager. “Over there they get you by the room. Over here, we get you by the balls.”
Work: The thing that interferes with golf. - Frank Dane
Golf is an easy game, it's just hard to play. - Unknown
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. - H G Wells
Retire to what? I already play golf and fish for a living. - Julius Boros
The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf. - Will Rogers
If it weren't for golf, I'd probably be a caddie today. - George Archer
Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the players well. - Unknown
When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. - Unknown
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. - Billy Graham
I got a new set of golf clubs for my husband. Best trade I ever made. - Unknown
I don't need to know where the green is. Where is the golf course? - Babe Ruth
Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. - Will Rogers
If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business. - Joey Adams
How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now. - Dwight D Eisenhower
One advantage of golf over bowling is that you never lose a bowling ball. - Don Carter
Golf is the worst drug in the world. You just keep coming back fro more embarrassment. - Deacon Jones
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
One of the quickest ways to meet new people is to pick up the wrong ball on a golf course. - Unknown
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. - Robert Lynd
The only reason I ever played golf in the first place was so I could afford to hunt and fish. - Sam Snead
I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser. - Arnold Palmer
If NASA really wants to find water on Mars, they should just send me there to hit a golf ball. - Gene Jaster
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks, and hitting things with a stick. - P.J. O'Rourke
Don't you just hate it when you try to think of something other than golf... and you can't? - Mike Purkey
Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
The reason your golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so that you can't see him laughing. - Phyllis Diller
I carry a golf ball to put under my feet when they get tight, and a Ther-Band for general stretching. - Jessica Ennis-Hill
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. - Bob Hope
My parents live in a retirement community, which is basically a minimum-security prison with a golf course. - Joel Warshaw
Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
I'm 42 around the chest, 52 around the waist, 92 around the golf course, and a nuisance around the house. - Groucho Marx
The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. - Ernest Hemingway
Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. - Unknown
One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. - Lyndon B. Johnson
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. - Tiger Woods
I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox
Golf is like a love affair: If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. - Arthur Daley
If Obama resigns from office NOW, thereby doing a great service to the country, I will give him free lifetime golf at any one of my courses. - Donald Trump
see also Golf Section
Golf Gimme
Golf in South America
Golf Like I Do
Voodoo Golf Tree
 Husband Colors |  Soccer Watch |  Finger Lickin' Good! |  Scottish Variant |  Knight Room |
 FIFA HQ |  Spot The Surfer |  Finally Got The Sink Fixed |  Antique iPhones |  Spongebob Suarez |
 Auto Correct Passing |  Computer Resuscitation |  PonyTale |  Husband of the Year |  Child Disarma-meant |
 Ancient Greek Stormtrooper |  Ferrous Wheel |  Dese Are My Bebies |  Mega Samurai Sudoku Puzzles |  Big Boots To Fill |
18-Jun-2021 |