A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun.
He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day!
The day before he’s to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room. When he’s checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees:
Golf: $1. 00
Dinner: $1.00.
Room: $1.00.
Sleeve of golf balls: $3,000.00.
He hits the ceiling!
Calling over to the manager, he asks, “What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three thousand for three golf balls?”
“I’m sorry, sir,” said the manager, “but you didn’t read the fine print in our promotional brochure - that’s what our golf balls cost.”
“Well,” said the man, “If I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could’ve gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a thousand dollars a day for a room. At least I would’ve known what I was paying for!”
“That’s right, sir, you could have,” said the manager. “Over there they get you by the room. Over here, we get you by the balls.”
Golf, like measles, should be caught young. - P G Wodehouse
Golf is an easy game, it's just hard to play. - Unknown
Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns. - Unknown
If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. - Paul Gallico
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. - H G Wells
The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf. - Will Rogers
Hold me, grip me, cherish me, pretend that I'm a golf club! - Unknown
When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. - Unknown
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. - Billy Graham
I got a new set of golf clubs for my husband. Best trade I ever made. - Unknown
I don't need to know where the green is. Where is the golf course? - Babe Ruth
Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. - Will Rogers
If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business. - Joey Adams
How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now. - Dwight D Eisenhower
They call it golf because all of the other four-letter names were taken. - Ray Floyd
I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. - Gerald R. Ford
One advantage of golf over bowling is that you never lose a bowling ball. - Don Carter
In golf as in life, it's the follow-through that makes the difference. - Unknown
Show me a good loser and I'll show you a man playing golf with his boss. - Unknown
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. - Jack Lemmon
Golf is the worst drug in the world. You just keep coming back fro more embarrassment. - Deacon Jones
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Sometimes the game of golf is just too difficult to endure with a golf club in your hands. - Bobby Jones
I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser. - Arnold Palmer
They say that life is a lot like golf - don't believe them. Golf is a lot more complicated. - Gardner Dickinson
Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
The reason your golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so that you can't see him laughing. - Phyllis Diller
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. - Bob Hope
The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. - Bertrand Russell
Golf is like any other sports competition. There is not a whole lot of point to it unless someone suffers. - Kevin Wohl
Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. - Ernest Hemingway
Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. - Unknown
One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. - Lyndon B. Johnson
I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox
Golf is like a love affair: If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. - Arthur Daley
Golf is a thinking man's game. You can have all the shots in the bag, but if you don't know what to do with them, you've got troubles. - Chi Chi Rodriguez
see also Golf Section
Golf Gimme
Golf in South America
Golf Like I Do
Voodoo Golf Tree
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17-Nov-2019 |