Anger Management for Rude People

When you have a REALLY bad day, take it out on someone you don’t know!


I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying, “Hello.”
I politely said, “This is Jason Braemore. Could I please speak with Rachel Carter?”
Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me - I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude.

I tracked down Rachel’s correct number and called her - I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the “wrong” number again…

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, “You’re a scumbag!” and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word “scumbag” next to it, and put it on my speed dial. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, “You’re a scumbag!” It always cheered me up!

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic “scumbag” calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I’m just calling to see if you’re familiar with the Caller ID program?”
He yelled, “NO!” and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re a scumbag!”

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For Sale” sign in his car window… so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first scumbag, I thought I had better call the BMW scumbag too.
I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Can you tell me where I can see it?”
“Yes, I live at 1969 West 35th Street. It’s a yellow house, and the car’s parked right out in front.”
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“My name is Don Hanson,” he said.
“When’s a good time to catch you, Don?”
“I’m home every evening after five.”
“Listen, Don, can I tell you something?”
“Yes?”
“Don, you’re a scumbag.”
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial. Now, when I had a problem, I had two scumbags to call…

But after several months of calling them, it wasn’t as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Scumbag #1…
“Hello.”
“You’re a scumbag!” (But I didn’t hang up…)
“Are you still there?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
“ Stop calling me,” he screamed.
“Make me,” I said.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“My name is Don Hanson.”
“Yeah? Where do you live?”
“Scumbag, I live at 1969 West 35th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front.”
He said, “I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.”
I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared, scumbag.”
Then I called Scumbag #2.
“Hello?” he said.
“Hello, scumbag,” I said.
He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are, I’ll…”
“You’ll what?” I said.
“I’ll kick your ass,” he exclaimed.
I answered, “Well, scumbag, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.”

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1969 West 35th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called CKVU Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 35th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 35th Street.

There I saw two scumbags beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.

Now I feel a lot better…


QuotaBills
Anger punishes itself. - English Proverb

Stress makes you stupid. - Unknown

You're afraid of your own anger. - Kristin Cashore

Anger blows out the candle of the mind. - Robert G Ingersoll

Whining is anger through a small opening. - Al Franken

Be patient and calm; no one can catch a fish with anger. - Herbert Hoover

Anger is never without reason, but seldom with a good one. - Benjamin Franklin

Stress should be a powerful driving force, not an obstacle. - Bob Phillips

Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on. - Alice Miller

Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding. - Mohandas K. Gandhi

We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet

Whoever incites anger has a strong insurance against indifference. - Philip Stanhope

Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things. - Peter F Drucker

Chocolate is cheaper than therapy, and you don't need an appointment. - Unknown

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret

Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one. - Hans Selye

Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger. - JRR Tolkien

If you are patient in one moment of anger you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. - Chinese Proverb

Anger begets more anger, and forgiveness and love lead to more forgiveness and love. - Mahavira

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman

Good management consists in showing average people how to do the work of superior people. - John Rockefeller

Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley

If you get a diagnosis, get on a therapy, keep a good attitude and keep your sense of humor. - Teri Garr

Anger ventilated often hurries towards forgiveness; anger concealed often hardens into revenge. - E G Bulwer-Lytton

Management by objective works - if you know the objectives. Ninety percent of the time you don't. - Peter F Drucker

If you can't control your anger, you are as helpless as a city without walls waiting to be attacked. - Book of Proverbs

Effective leadership is putting first things first. Effective management is discipline, carrying it out. - Stephen Covey

People say that forgiving is my flaw, but I really believe that holding grudges and anger is a waste of energy. - Mayte Garcia

Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kinda like being the guy on a date. - Caroline Rhea

The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management. - Scott Adams

Because of their cuisine, Germans don't consider farting rude. They'd certainly be out of luck if they did. - P.J. O'Rourke

Transformation also means looking for ways to stop pushing yourself so hard professionally or inviting so much stress. - Gail Sheehy

I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. - Hartman Jule

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

The conventional definition of management is getting work done through people, but real management is developing people through work. - Agha Hasan Abedi

Animals are not our selfie props. If there's any risk that your photo is going to hurt or stress an animal, it's not worth it. - Angela Henderson

Finance functions lose the potential to steer their organizations to success when they defer performance management to other functions. - Jack Alexander

To be a champion, you have to learn to handle stress and pressure. But if you've prepared mentally and physically, you don't have to worry. - Harvey Mackay

The paradigm of treating menopause symptoms with the lowest effective dose of hormone therapy, for the shortest period necessary, is very sensible. - Hugh Taylor


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07-Aug-2020