Anger Management for Rude People

When you have a REALLY bad day, take it out on someone you don’t know!


I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying, “Hello.”
I politely said, “This is Jason Braemore. Could I please speak with Rachel Carter?”
Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me - I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude.

I tracked down Rachel’s correct number and called her - I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the “wrong” number again…

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, “You’re a scumbag!” and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word “scumbag” next to it, and put it on my speed dial. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, “You’re a scumbag!” It always cheered me up!

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic “scumbag” calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I’m just calling to see if you’re familiar with the Caller ID program?”
He yelled, “NO!” and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re a scumbag!”

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For Sale” sign in his car window… so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first scumbag, I thought I had better call the BMW scumbag too.
I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Can you tell me where I can see it?”
“Yes, I live at 1969 West 35th Street. It’s a yellow house, and the car’s parked right out in front.”
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“My name is Don Hanson,” he said.
“When’s a good time to catch you, Don?”
“I’m home every evening after five.”
“Listen, Don, can I tell you something?”
“Yes?”
“Don, you’re a scumbag.”
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial. Now, when I had a problem, I had two scumbags to call…

But after several months of calling them, it wasn’t as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Scumbag #1…
“Hello.”
“You’re a scumbag!” (But I didn’t hang up…)
“Are you still there?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
“ Stop calling me,” he screamed.
“Make me,” I said.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“My name is Don Hanson.”
“Yeah? Where do you live?”
“Scumbag, I live at 1969 West 35th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front.”
He said, “I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.”
I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared, scumbag.”
Then I called Scumbag #2.
“Hello?” he said.
“Hello, scumbag,” I said.
He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are, I’ll…”
“You’ll what?” I said.
“I’ll kick your ass,” he exclaimed.
I answered, “Well, scumbag, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.”

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1969 West 35th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called CKVU Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 35th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 35th Street.

There I saw two scumbags beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.

Now I feel a lot better…


QuotaBills
Anger punishes itself. - English Proverb

Stress makes you stupid. - Unknown

Nature is cheaper than therapy. - M P Zarrella

Anger blows out the candle of the mind. - Robert G Ingersoll

The greatest remedy for anger is delay. - Seneca

Whining is anger through a small opening. - Al Franken

Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. - Steven Wright

Competition is a rude yet effective motivation. - Toba Beta

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny. - Kin Hubbard

If stress burned calories, I'd be a supermodel. - Unknown

The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love. - Hubert H Humphrey

Stress should be a powerful driving force, not an obstacle. - Bob Phillips

Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on. - Alice Miller

Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding. - Mohandas K. Gandhi

To err is human. To blame it on somebody else shows management potential. - Unknown

The best time management strategy: don't find the time, find the why. - Chris Guillebeau

The best training a top manager can be engaged in is management by example. - Carlos Ghosn

You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger. - Buddha

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret

Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one. - Hans Selye

If you are patient in one moment of anger you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. - Chinese Proverb

Stress depletes willpower, which diminishes your ability to control those emotions. - Roy F Baumeister

Anger begets more anger, and forgiveness and love lead to more forgiveness and love. - Mahavira

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

Man should not try to avoid stress any more than he would shun food, love, or exercise. - Hans Selye

The yoga mat is a good place to turn when talk therapy and antidepressants aren't enough. - Amy Weintraub

Don't waste your time in anger, regrets, worries, and grudges. Life is too short to be unhappy. - Roy T. Bennett

Management by objective works - if you know the objectives. Ninety percent of the time you don't. - Peter F Drucker

The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present. - Barbara de Angelis

People say that forgiving is my flaw, but I really believe that holding grudges and anger is a waste of energy. - Mayte Garcia

Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kinda like being the guy on a date. - Caroline Rhea

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. - Mark Twain

I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. - Hartman Jule

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

Forgiveness isn't just the absence of anger. It's also the presence of self-love, when you actually begin to value yourself. - Tara Westover

The conventional definition of management is getting work done through people, but real management is developing people through work. - Agha Hasan Abedi

Animals are not our selfie props. If there's any risk that your photo is going to hurt or stress an animal, it's not worth it. - Angela Henderson

Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success; leadership determines whether the ladder is leaning against the right wall. - Stephen Covey

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer


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What Do You See? - Part III
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20-Oct-2020