I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found
the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying, “Hello.”
I politely said, “This is Jason Braemore. Could I please speak with Rachel Carter?”
Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me - I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so
I tracked down Rachel’s correct number and called her - I had transposed the last two
digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the “wrong”
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, “You’re a scumbag!” and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word “scumbag” next to it, and put it on my speed dial.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up
and yell, “You’re a scumbag!” It always cheered me up!
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic “scumbag” calling would have to
stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I’m just calling to see if you’re familiar with the Caller ID program?”
He yelled, “NO!” and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re a scumbag!”
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black
BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and
yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For Sale” sign in his car window
so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first scumbag, I thought I had better call
the BMW scumbag too.
I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Can you tell me where I can see it?”
“Yes, I live at 1969 West 35th Street. It’s a yellow house, and the car’s parked right
out in front.”
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“My name is Don Hanson,” he said.
“When’s a good time to catch you, Don?”
“I’m home every evening after five.”
“Listen, Don, can I tell you something?”
“Don, you’re a scumbag.”
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial. Now, when I had a problem, I had
two scumbags to call
But after several months of calling them, it wasn’t as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I
came up with an idea. I called Scumbag #1
“You’re a scumbag!” (But I didn’t hang up
“Are you still there?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
Stop calling me,” he screamed.
“Make me,” I said.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“My name is Don Hanson.”
“Yeah? Where do you live?”
“Scumbag, I live at 1969 West 35th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in
He said, “I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.”
I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared, scumbag.”
Then I called Scumbag #2.
“Hello?” he said.
“Hello, scumbag,” I said.
He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are, I’ll…”
“You’ll what?” I said.
“I’ll kick your ass,” he exclaimed.
I answered, “Well, scumbag, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.”
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1969 West 35th
Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called CKVU Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 35th Street.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 35th Street.
There I saw two scumbags beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a
police helicopter, and news crew.
Now I feel a lot better
Anger punishes itself. - English Proverb
Stress makes you stupid. - Unknown
Nature is cheaper than therapy. - M P Zarrella
Anger blows out the candle of the mind. - Robert G Ingersoll
The greatest remedy for anger is delay. - Seneca
Whining is anger through a small opening. - Al Franken
Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. - Steven Wright
Competition is a rude yet effective motivation. - Toba Beta
Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny. - Kin Hubbard
If stress burned calories, I'd be a supermodel. - Unknown
The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love. - Hubert H Humphrey
Stress should be a powerful driving force, not an obstacle. - Bob Phillips
Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on. - Alice Miller
Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding. - Mohandas K. Gandhi
To err is human. To blame it on somebody else shows management potential. - Unknown
The best time management strategy: don't find the time, find the why. - Chris Guillebeau
The best training a top manager can be engaged in is management by example. - Carlos Ghosn
You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger. - Buddha
Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret
Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one. - Hans Selye
If you are patient in one moment of anger you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. - Chinese Proverb
Stress depletes willpower, which diminishes your ability to control those emotions. - Roy F Baumeister
Anger begets more anger, and forgiveness and love lead to more forgiveness and love. - Mahavira
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams
Man should not try to avoid stress any more than he would shun food, love, or exercise. - Hans Selye
The yoga mat is a good place to turn when talk therapy and antidepressants aren't enough. - Amy Weintraub
Don't waste your time in anger, regrets, worries, and grudges. Life is too short to be unhappy. - Roy T. Bennett
Management by objective works - if you know the objectives. Ninety percent of the time you don't. - Peter F Drucker
The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present. - Barbara de Angelis
People say that forgiving is my flaw, but I really believe that holding grudges and anger is a waste of energy. - Mayte Garcia
Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kinda like being the guy on a date. - Caroline Rhea
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. - Mark Twain
I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. - Hartman Jule
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha
Forgiveness isn't just the absence of anger. It's also the presence of self-love, when you actually begin to value yourself. - Tara Westover
The conventional definition of management is getting work done through people, but real management is developing people through work. - Agha Hasan Abedi
Animals are not our selfie props. If there's any risk that your photo is going to hurt or stress an animal, it's not worth it. - Angela Henderson
Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success; leadership determines whether the ladder is leaning against the right wall. - Stephen Covey
Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer
Relationship & Stress
Anger Management Suppository Bullets
Anger Release Machine
Control Your Anger
When Life Gets You Down
Extreme Pressure Cooker
Nothing Wrong Picture
Hide and Seek
Going Around In Circles
Hydro Water Power
Tons Of Anarchy
Da Hood Shirt
What Do You See? - Part III